The San Diego Padres recently celebrated Earth Day by having a representative of the Steinhart Aquarium throw out the ceremonial first pitch while holding a red-tail boa constrictor… nothing says baseball like a snake! The silly sight made us think of some of the most ridiculous ceremonial first pitches in baseball history. Here’s what we came up with. Did we miss any?
Chris Andrews, Steinhart Aquarium, 4/22/09, San Diego Padres
Al “igator Arms” Roker, 10/15/07, Cleveland Indians
Al “igator Arms” Roker, 6/10/08, Boston Red Sox
You would think that after looking like a complete fool in the above image, The Roker wouldn’t dare step on an MLB mound again. Not the case. As you can see, he had no problem struggling through another first pitch in Boston.
Chew-Freaking-Bacca, Seriously… Chewbacca, 9/28/05, Boston Red Sox
Looks like the lefty has no problem picking up the babes. Who knew Princess Leia liked ’em hairy?
Chewbacca… again, 8/22/06, Florida Marlins
This time, Chewy has traded in his lovely lady for an Ewok. Bad call, dude. Hey, wait a minute, we thought Chewbacca was a lefty. Something’s fishy here.
Sgt. Slaughter, 6/30/07, Florida Marlins
The Marlins went from fake (Chewbacca) to faker when they invited former WWE Champion Sgt. Slaughter to throw out the first pitch. We’re pretty sure that he lubed up the ball with some Vaseline when the ump wasn’t looking.
Santa, 7/18/08, Florida Marlins
Believe it or not, the Marlins move more towards reality by allowing Santa throw out the first pitch against the Phillies. Yes, The Max considers Santa to be more of a reality than wrestling.
Victoria Beckham, 6/11/07, L.A. Dodgers
I guess when you’re as hot as Victoria Beckham, it doesn’t matter that you zero athletic ability. Is she intentionally trying to throw an eephus pitch?
Mariah Carey, 5/28/08, Yomiuri Giants
See Victoria Beckham.
Donald Trump, 8/18/06, Boston Red Sox
There are few things better than seeing a man richer than you unintentionally make his constipated face in public.
Punxsutawney Phil, 9/19/04, Pittsburgh Pirates
Only the Pirates would drag Punxy Phil out to the mound in September.
Earlier this week,
The Max’s investigative reporting department is also looking into rumors that Mets general manager Omar Minaya plans on offering Brown a contract to replace, well, basically any of his starting pitchers (sans Johan Santana).
Legendary at The Max often ridicule Madden for the incoherent drivel that he mumbles into the microphone during games — one person here calls him the Paula Abdul of Sunday Night Football (This link will explain why) – there’s no denying the veteran’s accomplishments: giving two of our writers Carpel tunnel syndrome from playing his video games for hours at a time while in college. (Yes, we went to college.) Our scars will forever remind us of you, John… and that’s pretty sad.
(All joking aside, John Madden — love him or hate him — did add a lot to the game of football. His passion, respect and love for the sport is undeniable, and the NFL was lucky to have someone like him in its corner for so long.)
Artie Lange: Bowler