The Today Show weatherman “threw out” the first pitch before Game 3 of the 2007 ALCS. For such a big guy, it sure does look like his arms shrunk. Come on, aligator arms, throw the thing.
Al “igator Arms” Roker, 6/10/08, Boston Red Sox
You would think that after looking like a complete fool in the above image, The Roker wouldn’t dare step on an MLB mound again. Not the case. As you can see, he had no problem struggling through another first pitch in Boston.
Chew-Freaking-Bacca, Seriously… Chewbacca, 9/28/05, Boston Red Sox
Looks like the lefty has no problem picking up the babes. Who knew Princess Leia liked ‘em hairy?
Chewbacca… again, 8/22/06, Florida Marlins
This time, Chewy has traded in his lovely lady for an Ewok. Bad call, dude. Hey, wait a minute, we thought Chewbacca was a lefty. Something’s fishy here.
Sgt. Slaughter, 6/30/07, Florida Marlins
The Marlins went from fake (Chewbacca) to faker when they invited former WWE Champion Sgt. Slaughter to throw out the first pitch. We’re pretty sure that he lubed up the ball with some Vaseline when the ump wasn’t looking.
Santa, 7/18/08, Florida Marlins
Believe it or not, the Marlins move more towards reality by allowing Santa throw out the first pitch against the Phillies. Yes, The Max considers Santa to be more of a reality than wrestling.
Victoria Beckham, 6/11/07, L.A. Dodgers
I guess when you’re as hot as Victoria Beckham, it doesn’t matter that you zero athletic ability. Is she intentionally trying to throw an eephus pitch?
Mariah Carey, 5/28/08, Yomiuri Giants
See Victoria Beckham.
Donald Trump, 8/18/06, Boston Red Sox
There are few things better than seeing a man richer than you unintentionally make his constipated face in public.
Punxsutawney Phil, 9/19/04, Pittsburgh Pirates
Only the Pirates would drag Punxy Phil out to the mound in September.

While it serves as an end to an era in the sports commentating world, it also serves as an end to an era in our own little world. You see, the 2009 season will be the first time in 29 years that we will have the volume turned up for a football game that Madden would have been calling. While we may not miss his voice, we do have one request: Please do at least one more commercial pointing out the perils of Athlete’s foot. If your deal with Tanactin remains, parden the pun, intact, we’ll be satisfied and the world will be a better (and less itchy) place.

Artie Lange: Bowler

Radio personality, actor, author and walking heart attack, Artie Lange, wouldn’t fit many places in the sports world. Actually, judging by the mass standing behind that microphone in the right half of the photo, Lange wouldn’t be a fit many places in the world, period.

But there may be one sport the larger-than-life Lange could slide into flawlessly: bowling.

It’s a perfect fit. He certainly has the physique and the guy can obviously down a few pitchers of brew per frame. Isn’t that all the criteria one needs to be a bowler?

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Paris Hilton: A golf tee

Let’s face it, Paris Hilton isn’t good for much besides collecting small dogs to use as purse ornaments, vomiting quotes that takes the women’s movement back a few decades and exploiting ignoramouses that want to be her new BFF (reference awful MTV shows for more on this).

As far as a job in sports goes, she doesn’t have the coordination to win a spot as a ball girl and she’s not fit enough to be the flag attached to the uprights on a goalpost.

Really, the only spot she could fill would be serving as a golf tee. All she has to do is stand still, (attempt) to look pretty and keep her big yap shut.

Of course, asking her to complete three tasks at once may be pushing it.