If Artie Lange got involved in sports hed be…

14 Apr
Posted by ZZ
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Artie Lange: Bowler

Radio personality, actor, author and walking heart attack, Artie Lange, wouldn’t fit many places in the sports world. Actually, judging by the mass standing behind that microphone in the right half of the photo, Lange wouldn’t be a fit many places in the world, period.
But there may be one sport the larger-than-life Lange could slide into flawlessly: bowling.
It’s a perfect fit. He certainly has the physique and the guy can obviously down a few pitchers of brew per frame. Isn’t that all the criteria one needs to be a bowler?
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Paris Hilton: A golf tee

Let’s face it, Paris Hilton isn’t good for much besides collecting small dogs to use as purse ornaments, vomiting quotes that takes the women’s movement back a few decades and exploiting ignoramouses that want to be her new BFF (reference awful MTV shows for more on this).
As far as a job in sports goes, she doesn’t have the coordination to win a spot as a ball girl and she’s not fit enough to be the flag attached to the uprights on a goalpost.
Really, the only spot she could fill would be serving as a golf tee. All she has to do is stand still, (attempt) to look pretty and keep her big yap shut.
Of course, asking her to complete three tasks at once may be pushing it.

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Florida International announces imminent end to its basketball program

14 Apr

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Golf to have sport privilege revoked?

13 Apr

golfsport.jpgJust one day after Angel Cabrera captured the Masters, rumors are circulating that the Gaming Association of Sports is considering revoking golf’s right to call itself a sport.

“After seeing a considerably overweight individual such as Cabrera win the most prestigious championship in the game,” said Mack Dixon, G.A.S. President, “it’s clear that we need to re-assess whether or not golf is a sport. You obviously don’t need to be an athlete to win this thing.”

According to reports, G.A.S. is tinkering with the idea of slapping golf with the “game” label, rather than “sport.” This will put it in the same category as Darts, Pool and everybody’s favorite lawn game, Jarts.

“Yes, we are considering this change,” admits Dixon. “After all, what makes it any different than pool? In both games, you’re trying to get the ball in the hole. Golf just takes a little while longer.”

Update: The Max has learned that G.A.S. is also toying with the idea of revoking the sport privilege to the following “sports.” Do you think they should be considered sports?

  • Fishing
  • NASCAR
  • Archery
  • NHL

On the flip side, we are also hearing the following events may soon earn the “sports” label:

  • Beirut (aka Beer Pong)
  • Wiffle Ball
  • Marco Polo
  • Flashlight Tag
  • Rock, Paper, Scissors

Which of the below events most deserves to be called a sport?
( polls)

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Bobcats horrible record explained

9 Apr

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A Sterling homerun call

9 Apr

sterlingcall.jpgNote: We originally ran this in January. But after today’s HR by Nick Swisher, it appears as though John Sterling still does not have a call prepared for the new Yankees outfielder. So let’s keep voting below. We’ll give the results to our guy at YES to give to Sterling.

Don’t look now, but Spring Training is less than a month away. And with the additions of pitchers CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett, as well as big bats Mark Teixeira and Nick Swisher (yeah, we added Swish to the list), this season is promising to be one of the most exciting in recent New York baseball memory. But while most fans are getting geared up to see the new Yanks don the prestigious pinstripes, we’re actually more excited to hear from Yankees famed radio announcer John Sterling this season.

Year after year, our favorite part of a new baseball season is hearing Sterling’s homerun calls for the newest Bombers. Sans Johnny Damon’s “demonic” call, we always get a hoot out of his creativity. As we approach the 2009 campaign, The Max takes a look at what Sterling’s calls for the new Yankees bats might be. Let us know which ones you like and we’ll pass it along to the YES guys (to hopefully pass it along to Sterling):

Mark Teixeira

  • It’s just not fair-a, Mark Teixeira!
  • It’s Tex Time for the Bombers
  • Texual healing, oh baby! (a play off Marvin Gaye’s song, Sexual Healing)
  • Mark sends a Tex message
  • Tex is on the Mark
  • Mark it down!
  • How dare ya, Mark Teixeira
  • Teixeira tattoos one
  • Tex connects!

Which homerun call do you like best for Mark Teixeira?
( surveys)

Nick Swisher

  • Swish goes boom!
  • Nick the Stick goes deep
  • Swish gets sweet
  • Nick is quick to the punch

How about Nick Swisher?
( polls)

Or maybe you don’t like any of these options. That’s ok. Just leave your recommendations below.

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Inside the mind of The Max, part 8

9 Apr

Here’s the newest set of questions that have been occupying our every
thought. Let us know if you’re thinking what we’re thinking.

  • wwwaaa.jpgDid you really expect the Yankees to go 162-0? Let’s just settle for 160-2 and move on.
  • Why is it big news that Terrell Owens reported to late to Bills voluntary workouts? It would be bigger news if he reported on time, don’t you think?
  • Do you find Kimberly Jones and Bob Lorenz‘s blogs as refreshing as we do? More baseball personalities should do this.
  • France’s anti-doping agency claims Lance Armstrong broke its rules. Do you care? We sure as heck don’t. Go away, Lance.
  • Shouldn’t we all take it easy on Joba Chamberlain (regarding his comments, not the whole DUI thing)? We’ve all said stupid things in the past. Heck, The Max posts stupid things on this blog all the time. It doesn’t mean we don’t love Yogi.
  • After one inning in Texas today, Carl Pavano gave up five earned runs. Maybe we should be happy that he rarely pitched for the Yankees, right? No, we’re not bitter.
  • As we write this, Mark Teixeira just went yard. OK Baltimore, you now have a reason to boo him. (So that wasn’t in the form of a question. What is this, jeopardy?)

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