Swimming sensation Michael Phelps has found himself in hot water over his latest endorsement of Wheaties, Frosted Flakes and Corn Flakes brand cereals. Spokespeople and creatures from around the cereal industry have joined forces to speak out regarding Phelps’ “lackluster breakfast choices.”
The Max was able to obtain a few exclusive quotes from those on the frontline of this battle:
Count Chocula: If I were Meeeeester Phelps, I’d watch my neck — I mean, my back.
I sent Mr. Boo-Berry as well as Mr. Franken Berry an electronic mail regarding this matter. Trust me, my friends, hah hah, we share solidarity.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I see the sun coming up…
Snap: Know what? Let him hang out with Tony the Tiger. If he wants to roll with him, more power to him. We don’t need Phelps cramping our style.
Crackle: Man, forget that fool. I’m so through with him.
Pop: We shall not forgive or forget this breach of trust.
Phelps followed his nose alright, he followed it right into the bootleg section of the cereal aisle! I mean c’mon… Corn Flakes over Fruit Loops? How mad must one be to choose that paste instead of ring-shaped loops with 12 grams of sugar per serving?
Cap’n Crunch: The guy’s gone off the deep end as far as I’m concerned.
I’d like to drop anchor on his head and smack him across the starboard side of his face!
The merman must have water in his ears that blocks rational thought from accessing his brain. Loosen up the swim cap, buddy, those cereals couldn’t beeeeeeeeeeee any lamer!
UPDATE: Fred and Barney speak out
Barney: Eh, screw ’em. More Fruity Pebbles for us, right Fred?
Fred: Right you are there, Barney. We wouldn’t even let Phelps have a bowl of Coco Pebbles, the dino droppings of the “Pebbles” brand.
You know something, Mikey? I usually give Dino a nice helping of Coco Pebbles when his pipes are clogged, but I shan’t even offer you one soggy pebble.