Archive | December, 2008

Say cheese: Sports greatest mug shots

31 Dec

Leave it to Charles Barkley to liven up an otherwise slow news day. In celebration of Sir Charles’ stupidity, we have compiled the Top 10 greatest mug shots in the history of sports.

No. 10: MICHAEL IRVIN

10irvin.jpgIn 2005, the former Dallas Cowboy wider receiver was arrested in Texas and charged with misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia. The arrest didn’t surprise many, but his reaction did. Who smiles that big after getting arrested? He probably thinks he gets to keep that bright orange shirt to go with the rest of his ridiculous wardrobe.

No. 9: ANDRE THE GIANT

09andre.jpgWrestling legend Andre the Giant was arrested in 1989 for having the world’s worst sideburns. No sir, but after looking at this photo it’s kinda believable. In reality, he was snagged for assaulting a TV cameraman.

No. 8: DON KING

08donking.jpgOK, so these mug shots of the world’s most annoying boxing promoter aren’t that crazy. We were just surprised to see him with an acceptable head of hair. To be honest, we thought he was born with that birds’ nest on his head.

No. 7: DEION SANDERS

07deion.jpgFinally, somebody more excited to get arrested than Michael Irvin. The best part is the reason why he got arrested – no, it wasn’t possession of marijuana (as his eyes suggest). He was arrested to fishing on a lake owned by the Southwest Florida International Airport.

No. 6: JOHN DALY

06daly.jpgAn instant classic – just a few short months ago, the perpetually-drunk golfer was arrested for having a few too many adult beverages at Hooter’s. At least his shirt now matches the waitress’ shorts.

No. 5: SCOTTIE PIPPEN

05pippen.jpgNo, this isn’t Scottie’s ninth grade yearbook photo. It’s the mugshot he took after being arrested in 1999 for drunk driving. If you ask us, it looks like the Houston police department had a few too many pops too. How hard is it to straighten out that sign?

No. 4: RANDY MOSS

04moss.jpgWe’re not 100 percent sure, but we think the footballer got picked up for attacking the man who stole his lips.

No. 3: THE BIG SHOW

03bigshow.jpgIn 1998, the wrestling star known as The Big Show was arrested for exposing his “little show” to a female hotel worker in Memphis. Would it have killed him to open his eyes for the photo?

No. 2: MIKE TYSON

02_tyson06.jpgWith all the arrests on “Iron” Mike’s record you would think he would have the art of the mug shot down pat. Apparently, he doesn’t. After being arrested for drunk driving, drug possession and driving into a cop car, the former boxing great had a little trouble keeping his tongue in his mouth for this shot. Hey, it’s a tough concept.

No. 1: O.J. SIMPSON

01_ojmug.jpgWas there really any doubt that O.J. would be No. 1? Enjoy the rest of your life behind bars, Juice.

For more great mug shots, head over to TheSmokingGun.com.

Nothing funny about this

31 Dec

Here’s Charles Barkley’s mug shot from his DUI bust this morning.

Hey Chuck, call a cab next time.

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Those fans of the Round Mound of Rebound know that Sir Charles is no stranger to mug shots. For your viewing pleasure, here are a few more:

1997 aggravated battery
1997aggbatt.jpg
1991 assault
1991assault.jpg

Miamis Marve to bring bad grades elsewhere

30 Dec


marve_123008.jpg
Robert Marve, the quarterback for the Miami Hurricanes who started 11 of 12 football games this season before getting suspended for his school-low academic performance, is taking his crappy transcript and moving on out.  

Rumor has it the freshman, who tossed 1,293 yards, nine touchdowns and 13 interceptions last season, is interested in heading to an SEC team. Florida, Tennessee and Louisiana State have been named, but it really all depends on which schools offer his major: Doing handstands AND his minor: Reciting the alphabet.
When reached, Marve had this to say:
“You don’t have to be no Alfred Einstein to know that I ain’t gonna send Miami no invite to no parties of mine.”

They said it … select quotes from 08

30 Dec

nader123008.jpgRalph Nader, responding to The Washington Post’s decision that it
wouldn’t cover his presidential campaign because he had no chance of
winning: “Then why are you covering the Nationals?”

Charles Barkley, regarding the steroid allegations haunting Barry Bonds: “You all act like it’s a big deal to gain weight when you get old. I got it down to an exact science.”

Bill Maher of HBO, on Roger Clemens: “You can’t deny you did steroids if your head is wider than it is tall.”

John Daly, to a spectator who asked Daly to autograph an empty beer can at the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic: “Don’t you have a full one?”

Kobe Bryant, on how his Los Angeles Lakers blew a 20-point, second-half lead and lost to the Boston Celtics 97-91 in Game 4 of the NBA Finals: “We just wet the bed. A nice big one, too. One of the ones you can’t put a towel over.”

docrivers123008.jpgDoc Rivers, Boston Celtics coach, after being asked how long Kevin Garnett would be out with a strained abdominal muscle: “You know Doc’s a nickname, correct?

Coco Crisp, Red Sox outfielder, on the team’s decision to stop fans from spreading cremation ashes at Fenway Park: “It’s kind of freaky knowing you’re diving into somebody’s grandpa.”

Alla Kudryavtseva on what motivated her to beat tennis star Maria Sharapova in Wimbledon’s second round:  “It’s very pleasant to beat Maria…Why? Well, I don’t like her outfit.”

David Letterman: “Halloween It’s the dead walking among the living? They’re dead but they’re walking around. No, wait a minute, that’s the McCain campaign.

brooke_123008.jpgBrooke “The Smartest Woman Alive” HoganYou know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country, ’cause I’d be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?“ 

“I go to bed at, like, 9:30 every night, and I don’t go out or anything. I just feel like an old fart.”Britney Spears on her life as a parent. 

Pretty much anything Sarah Palin said ended up on some blooper reel, but this one about her foreign policy qualifications takes the cake, whatever that stupid expression means…

There’s a billion more quotes out there, sure, but we like these. Of course, there’s also the Chad Ocho Cinco, T.O., George W. Bush, Shaq catalogue, but we tend to bust on them enough, and we decided to wait until the new year to launch a full-scale assault on some of our favorite targets. 

Are they or arent they?

30 Dec

Just days after news broke of Tom Brady’s supposed engagement to Gisele Bundchen, various sources claim that the news is, in fact, not true.

We were initially shocked to learn that Brady has not popped the big question yet. But after doing a little research, we finally figured out why he has not asked Gis to marry him (and to be honest, we can’t blame him). Check it out for yourself:

markgis.jpg

Dodgers Dunn with Manny?

29 Dec

Reports claim the Dodgers (aka the last team with any interest in Manny Ramirez) are looking to Adam Dunn to fill the vacancy left behind by Manny. That said, it looks like the deranged outfielder is finally getting what he deserves.

The Max’s research team is currently looking into the validity of the below photo, but we don’t have any reason to believe it’s fake, especially now that the Dodgers are looking at Dunn:

mannyjobless.jpg

What to look for in 2009

29 Dec

Like Nostradamus, The Max likes to have a little fun by predicting the future. Unlike Nostradamus, however, we think our predictions actually have a solid chance at becoming a reality. Here’s what The Max wants you to look out for in 2009:

After the Tampa Bay Rays finish April in 3rd place in the AL East, nearly every sports writer in America will use the term “hangover” to describe their lackluster play.

John Daly will eat more fried chicken than the Colonel ever intended one man to ever eat. Expect a couple arrests, too.

trhat.jpgTony Romo will continue to wear that ridiculous looking hat. But that’s not the hook – Jessica Simpson will finally see him wearing the hat during a post-game press conference and promptly kick him to the curb (it’s about time).

Terrell Owens will also continue to wear that same hat, but look good while doing it. Editor’s note: Give it up, Tony. Neither the hat, nor the girl, make you look even remotely cool.

Look for the Mets’ closer controversy to start early. After K-Rod blows a few saves in April, Mets fans will begin begging for J.J. Putz to start closing games.

This web site will continually prove its immaturity by making 36 ridiculously bad J.J. Putz name jokes by the All-Star break.

Aaron Heilman will finally get a chance to become a starting pitcher. Unfortunately for the Mariners, though, the fact that he only has two pitches will continue to plague him. Just like in New York, look for Aaron “The Crybaby” Heilman to end up in the bullpen by year’s end.

Brett Favre will retire.

One of the Spears girls will become pregnant… again. Odds are it will be Jamie Lynn, but don’t count out Britney or mother Lynne.

Brett Favre will unretire.

In an attempt to clear cap room, the New York Knicks will trade David Lee, Nate Robinson, Chris Duhon and anybody else with a glimmer of talent. Fast forward to 2010, LeBron will end up in New Jersey.

Jealous men everywhere (us included) will continue to make fun of Tom Brady, even though the truth is he is probably the raddest dude to ever walk planet earth.

bradygis2009.jpg

College football will continue to miss the boat by not implementing a true playoff system.

People will continue to watch college football, despite the fact that there is not a true playoff system.

Tracy Morgan will finally be recognized as the funniest man alive.

O.J. Simpson will rot in jail (better late than never).

Will Ferrell will make yet another average movie about some fringe sport. Our guess is badmitton, but you never know with him. Anything would be better than Blades of Glory.

Greg Oden will be diagnosed with the same thing Brad Pitt’s character had in that Benjamin Button movie. Damn, that kid looks old. 


button.jpg

The XFL 2.0 will attempt fill the void left behind by the vacationing Arena Football League. Unfortunately for Vince McMahon, however, his second attempt at putting together a legitimate football league will resemble his attempt to bring pro wrestling back to prominence. The Boogeyman? Really?

Despite Jerry Jones’ claims, Wade Phillips will join Eric Mangini, Romeo Crennel and Rod Marinelli in the NFL unemployment line. Speaking of the Cowboys, we think we find this guy entertaining, but we’re not sure yet. Let us know.

Brett Favre will retire.

There you have it – The Max’s best guess at what will happen in 2009. What do you think? Do you have a prediction? If so, leave it below; we’d love to read it.

 

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