Archive | October, 2008

Best Halloween costume ensemble on Earth

31 Oct

Awwwwww, look at how cute these guys are pretending to be a real NFL football team. That’s precious.

bengals.jpgReal conversation I had with someone in Cincinnati this year:

Me: So, tell me how it feels to cheer for a team that has the NFL’s worst record?

Cincy native: We still have a team?

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Surfing the web

31 Oct

We have to apologize for the tardiness of our weekly Friday Surfing The Web feature. We spent the majority of the morning dreaming about Matt Holliday in pinstripes. Anyway, we hope you were able to find some other things to help you get through the work day. The below links should get you to 5 p.m. There’s nothing The Max promotes more than a lack of productivity at the workplace.

Page 2 updates you on all the recent uniform changes in the NBA. Continue… tries to get to the bottom of the Derek Jeter-Minka Kelly rumors. Continue…

The Sports Hernia has an exclusive interview with the bozo that painted his face for the Phillies post-season games. Continue…

Maxim takes a look at the NFL’s mid-season MVPs… for CHEERLEADERS! Continue…

The Sports Muffin counts the things Greg Oden has more of than games played in the NBA. Continue…

WWE has turned its wrestlers into zombies this Halloween. Continue…

Tirico Suave tries to see the brighter side of the Mike Jacobs to Kansas City deal. Continue…

YouTube Video of the Week
The Top 10 things that went through Cole Hamels’ mind after winning the World Series:

The real joke is Shaqs movie career

31 Oct

By now you’ve probably heard about the “big joke” San Antonio coach Gregg Popovich played on Shaquille O’Neal on Wednesday by having the Spurs implement the Hack-a-Shaq strategy within the first few seconds of the the Phoenix-San Antonio game. (Check out the video here)

The gag was a playful response to O’Neal’s rant last season during the NBA playoffs when he called Popovich and the Spurs “cowards” for committing so many fouls on him. While the gag got a chuckle from the Diesel, we feel the real joke was overlooked — Shaq’s acting career.

Take a look at what a few of our celebrity friends (Borat, American Idol’s Simon Cowell and The Simpsons‘ Comic Book Guy) had to save about The Big Daddy’s choice in movie roles: 

shaqmoviesjpg.jpgDon’t think we forgot about the “The Wash” or “Freddy Got Fingered.” We couldn’t do that, especially since we got sick to our stomachs after watching both unfunny time-eaters in the theater (our girlfriends dragged us there, we swear).

To put how bad they were into perspective, gave “The Wash” an 8 percent and “Freddy” a dismal 10 percent on the TomatoMeter. But that’s kind compared to what Comic Book Guy had to say:


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DAntoni controversy cleared up

30 Oct

While watching the Knicks’ season opener Wednesday night, there were many things that caught us by surprise. First, the Knickerbockers actually won. Wow, they’ve almost reached their win total from last year. But let’s not congratulate them so soon; it’s not like they were playing a real NBA team. After all, the Miami Heat would have trouble besting a WNBA sqaud at this point.

The second shocker was the fact that the Knicks’ fans were chanting “We want Steph!” We want Steph to what? Go away? Stop sleeping with interns? Stop quitting on his team like he did last season? What in the world do Knicks’ fans want Steph to do? We really wish they finished their chant because we find it hard to believe that they really wanted Steph to step on the court.

But even more shocking was all the attention head coach Mike D’Antoni recieved for his supposed crude comments in response to the fans’ chant. According to reports (and MSG cameras), MD’s reply to the chant was, “Are you BLEEPING kidding me?” Which was quickly followed by, “What a bunch of BLEEPS!”

One day later, D’Antoni is getting destroyed by the New York papers for his lude comments. We here at The Max find bashing D’Antoni out of line (Or at least premature. Let him lose a few first), especially since we know that he wasn’t really cursing. Our guess is that Oliver Stone is running MSG and is starting yet another one of his ridiculous conspiracy theories.

The truth is, according to Frank Isola of the NY Daily News today on The Michael Kay Show, D’Antoni goes out of his way not to curse. In fact, he gives his son $20 every time he accidentally partakes in a little potty-mouthing. This evidence leads us to believe that everybody has this story all wrong. So we rewound (or rewinded, whichever it is, if any) the tape, and here’s what we found. Damn you New York newspapers. You’ll make up anything for a story:



Clearly, fudge is not a curse word. What is this? The 1950s? Give the guy a pass on that one. Here’s what his above comments were followed by:


So there you have it — the truth behind the D’Antoni controversy. The moral of the story is don’t believe everything you read in the papers. Instead, get your hard-hitting journalism right here at The Max. And if you have a different thought on what MD might have said, simply leave a comment below… oh, wait. Our commenting functionality doesn’t work yet. But the YES web guy swears it will be up and running soon (he’s been saying that since Oct. 1, by the way).

When good mullets go bad

30 Oct

schintzius_med.jpgDwayne Schintzius certainly turned a lot of heads during his nine-year NBA career. Seriously, when he ran down the court people literally had to turn their head to shield their eyes as the greasy-mullet perched atop his head flopped around. We could forgive Schintzius for his bad hair if he had, say, the three-point touch of Larry Bird, who also owned a bee’s nest and rat tail. But Larry Legend Schintzius is not.


However, when it comes to which guy had a worse mullet, Schintzius or Bird, that’s up for grabs. But when it comes to naming which guy had the glare of a serial killer? We feel like there’s no argument on that.

JCVD: We can hear some of you now: “Hey! Jeanne-Claude Van Damme wasn’t an athlete! What gives?

OK, you got us. But he did play Frank Dux in the movie “Blood Sport,” and The Max loves that movie, so that gives JCVD an honorary membership into our post on totally rad mullets.


The pride and joy of The Max: A.C. Slater. His jheri-curl mullet may not have allowed him to score Kelly Kapowski (who later became Kelly Morris after marrying Zack), but Slater was the star of the Bayside Tiger’s wrestling team. A.C. was also part of his college wrestling team at California University. He as much as anyone belongs on this list, so congrats and welcome aboard, Albert Clifford.
We’ve been seeing a lot of Andre Agassi lately at The Max. There was the unforgivable Canon ad from the 1990’s and now here he is resembling a Boy George lookalike, sporting a dreamy mullet, a scruffy mug and a furry chest. Ugh. There’s few words we can use to describe this debacle of a picture, so we’ll just let the photo speak for itself.

We know he was once a member of the Yankees, but it’s impossible to keep him off the list: Randy Johnson. It’s bad enough he looks like Big Bird’s anorexic brother, but that hairdo is 

randy.jpgenough to make us forget he was dominant from the mound. (Whoops. Did we just say “was” dominant?)

We know we missed a few mullets, but don’t worry because The Max plans on revisiting some that didn’t make the list in the very near future. However, if there is someone you feel we absolutely must add, or if you want to tell us how much you love our work, please drop us a line: But be warned, dear readers, you might get an email back.

Hey, Mike. The WNBA called; they want their glasses back!

29 Oct

Since the inception of this site, Max employees have been required to watch all season openers together (with the exception of the NHL). Last night, we thought we were going to settle in for the kickoff to the 2008 NBA season; but after seeing Cavs coach Mike Brown on his team’s bench, we thought we were watching the WNBA opener. What’s with those glasses?


Looks like he went a little crazy with his Bedazzler. Yeah, those things glisten. And no, we don’t have a better camera to take a closer photo. But if you do, please send it along (the camera, that is). Here’s the best we could do:


Our only guess is that he may have lost a bet that requires him to wear girls’ glasses. Either that or he’s auditioning for a job with the Cleveland Rockers (somebody should tell him they folded). For those of you who don’t know, which is probably all of you, the Rockers were a WNBA team. For those of you who don’t know, which is probably all of you, the WNBA is a women’s “basketball” league. They have uniforms and everything.

On a completely unrelated note, did anybody see the Binder & Binder commercial on last night’s telecast? Here’s a pic:


This guy’s a lawyer looking for your business. Hey, Chuck. This is New York City, not Austin, Texas. Don’t you see the big building behind you? Anyway, if we run into any legal problems while trying to secure the lost ark or crystal skull or whatever the heck it is that Indiana Jones looks for when not teaching class, then we’ll call you up. Otherwise, lose the hat!