It’s true. As part of some new reality series for the Golf Channel, Chuck B. will get help from Tiger’s coach to help improve his disgusting golf swing. Sounds like an exciting show, doesn’t it? We’re sure it will be as fun and cool as “Pros vs. Joes.” (Anyone remember that boring snoozefest?”)
Remember how terrible Bob Saget was as the host of America’s Funniest Home Videos? Well, we were thinking about what stupid joke he would have used if he were introducing this blooper of a mascot trying to dunk a basketball by hitting a trampoline … and smashing his mug on the rim:
We’re hoping the incident in this video didn’t create an awful association for this young man. We hope he got over the embarrassment and continued to practice … but we couldn’t blame him if he never wanted to touch a soccer ball again for fear he may see flashback to this image:
If you’re anything like us, you’re pretty sick and tired of ESPN promoting their silly Mt. Rushmore of Sports campaign. Not only are they forcing us to watch the debacle on TV, but now they’re doing separate, considerably smaller promotions online. Does anybody really care if Dave Niehaus is on the Seattle Mariners Mount Rushmore?
To combat ESPN’s silly promotion, The Max has decided to sculpt their own mountains. But unlike ESPN, we’re not going to sit here and wax poetic on stats or who was the greatest. Instead, we’re building New York’s Mount Dumpmore. As you would expect, Mount Dumpmore honors the absolute worst in each New York sport (or at least the New York sports that count. Sorry NHL).
New York Yankees: Carl Pavano, Hideki Irabu, Jaret Wright, Roger ClemensNotice how they are all pitchers? Not such a great track records there, huh? Anyway, it pains us that we couldn’t fit Steve Sax or Brien Taylor in there. We really tried, though. These other guys were just too horrible to leave off the list, especially Pavano and his giant contract.
New York Mets: Willie Mays, Mo Vaughn, Vince Coleman, Bobby Bonilla
Like Steve Sax, we did everything we could to get Roberto Alomar on Mount Dumpmore. But with his recent woes, we figured we would go easy on him. And yes, we know that associating Willie Mays with any sort of dump is sac-relig. But let’s face facts, he stunk as a Met.
Here’s our Dumpmores for the other New York sports. Like ESPN, we’re gonna wimp out and do them strictly as text. But there is no excuse for ESPN doing this, as they have about 2,000 times the resources The Max does.
New York Knicks: Isiah Thomas, Stephon Marbury, Antonio McDysse, Travis Knight
Fast forward six months, and we’ll have our Boston edition of Mount Dumpore, featuring Stephon Marbury in a Celtics uni.
New York Jets: Rich Kotite, Rich Kotite, Rich Kotite, Rich Kotite
No, that’s not a typo. We’d put him up a fifth time if possible.
New York Giants: Ray Handley, Tyrone Wheatley, Ron Dayne, Dave Brown
Ray Handley should thank his lucky stars that Rich Kotite coached the Jets. Otherwise, he would probably take the crown for worst New York football coach ever.
This is a photo of Ron Howard, the Executive Producer of one of the best, yet barely watched, TV shows in history, “Arrested Development.” He also starred in “Happy Days” and another black and white sitcom where the opening tune was a catchy whistle.
This photo was snapped at the IZOD Center in late December of last year. What The Max humbly asks its readers to do is unite with other Nets fans and politely harass Mr. Howard about the “Arrested Development” movie if he attends a game at the IZOD Center again this season.
Some questions to spark conversation:
Those are just some ideas, but seriously, if anyone gets the forum to ask Mr. Howard what’s shaking with this film, please do and give us a report.
Someone we know bought a Stephon Marbury Fathead wall decal after Starbury got traded to the Knicks. Yep, we’re serious. We’re willing to bet the same dude probably forked over loot for a Snuggie, a Garden City Griller and the OxiClean, too.
- Color over Steph’s face with permanent marker and give him a “petit handlebar” mustache (as seen here)
- Use it as a huge dartboard
- Burn it in effigy in the driveway and e-mail us a photo
We’re excited for baseball to return. What sports fan isn’t? But our excitement doesn’t cut it compared to the guy who shaped his hair into a baseball cap. We know when we’re beat, and we have no problems declaring you the big winner, pal. Congrats. ( Side note: We were wondering if he’s ever tried to flip it around and wear it backwards?)