Dick Cheney can relate to Plaxico Burress’ recent gun troubles. In Feb. 2006, the U.S. Vice President accidentally mistook his hunting partner for a pheasant. Which means, apparently, the Veep’s hunting partner stood a few inches tall, had feathers, a tail and a multicolored face. Because that’s the only way that could actually happen, right?
The Super Bowl shine has finally washed away from Plaxico Burress. But have no fear, things are starting to look up for the self-centered Giants wide receiver. Just days after shooting himself in the thigh, The Max has learned that Burress has now moved into a first place tie in the standings for New York’s Most Undeserving Athlete.
As you know, every Friday at The Max, we provide to you the most clever links we can find on the Internet. The hope is that we can pry you away from being productive at work. This week, however, we’re guessing you’re not at work… you know, ‘cuz of the whole Turkey Day thing. But that doesn’t mean we’re gonna take the day off, especially because we know that you may have the in-laws at your house. Use the below links as a way to waste time, rather than sitting at the kitchen table talking about how much you love watching the leaves change or the falling price of gas.
We were sitting here thinking, since we have no lives and work through the holidays, about what the conversation would be like if loudmouth former NFL receiver Keyshawn Johnson, flesh-bitin’ has-been Mike Tyson, drunken mess Courtney Love and overall BAMF Ray Lewis ate Thankgiving dinner together?
We’re willing to bet that the
phrases below would be uttered at least once during the meal…
Who else can you picture at this dinner table, and what would they have to say? Leave us a comment or email us here: firstname.lastname@example.org
There’s nothing better than sitting down with your loved ones to share a nice slaughtered turkey on Thanksgiving. We know it’s your favorite day of the year. But, here’s a list of 10 athletes that love chowing down on turkey dinner more than you.
No. 10 Antonio Alfonseca
Most lists of this nature would probably have “Alf” (no, not Gordon Shumway) much higher on the list. But we here at The Max are not completely convinced that he’s a porker. Just look at the placement of his lard. Sits kinda high, doesn’t it? We’re gonna continue to investigate this one, but our instincts tell us that there’s a pillow stuffed in there.
No. 9 Jared Lorenzen
This former Giants backup quarterback loves turkey so much that he can barely fit in this photo.
No. 8 Livan Hernandez
Our terrible cropping job doesn’t do Livan justice here. He’s clearly stretching prior to his daily run… to Dunkin’ Donuts.
No. 7 Bartolo Colon
We feel kinda bad poking fun at Big Bart’s bulging belly, seeing as he went to great lengths to drop a few LBs while in Boston last season. But if you thought we were above making fun, you don’t know The Max. We have fairly low on morals.
No. 6 Miguel Cabrera
Is he eating his way out of baseball, or what?
No. 5 Rich Garces
The photo says it all. And while Miguel Cabrera may be eating his way out of baseball (present tense), Garces has already successfully eaten his way out of the bigs (past tense).
No. 4 Bob Wickman
Unlike the others on this list, Bob Wickman looks like he would take joy in kicking our butts. That’s one mean looking dude, which is why we are holding back any witty comments (here’s your chance to say that we were holding back witty comments on the previous six, as well. Oh, you’re so mean).
No. 3 Bobby Jenks
We’re noticing a pattern here. Why are most of these guys pitchers? Come on, guys. Take a jog in between starts. Or invest in a stationary bike. Even better – get a Bowflex; they really work… just watch their commercials.
No. 2 Prince Fielder
This guy’s as much a vegetarian as WWE is real. Who does he think he’s foolin’? But to be honest, we are a bit surprised to see him make this list. After all, his father is so svelte.
No. 1 John Daly
No surprise here. At least watching his downward spiral has been entertaining.
Even with a disturbing 0-11 record, the Detroit Lions are still the No. 1…
- Team that Santa will skip when cruising around distributing presents. The Clauses are big-time bettors, and the Lions have cost them dearly this year. Get ready for a big fat chunk of coal on Dec. 25, Detroit.
- Biggest waste of Thanksgiving TV time in the history of pigskin.
- Team where most players lie about their job. It’s widely known that around the Motor City the guys on the squad say they are lion tamers, not Lions players.
- Owners of the dirtiest uniforms in the game. (Think about it — 11 sets of cleat marks have trampled their jerseys. That’s a lot of Shout.)
- Reason the XFL is pushing for a comeback. “They’re just as lousy as we ever was,” cited former XFL star Otis “Hit Squad” Floyd.
What else are the Lions No. 1 at? Leave a comment or Email us: email@example.com
The Max is proud to announce that we are currently accepting applications from professional athletes looking to become the face of this blog. Just like Nike did for Tiger Woods, The Max will make one lucky athlete synonymous with a worldwide mega-brand (us).
Unfortunately, however, the tumbling economy has prevented us from throwing the big bucks around. That said, we are only prepared to offer upwards of $50 to the athlete we choose as our official celebrity endorser. The low compensation has scared off the likes of LeBron James and Andy Phillips, but there are still some superstars out there excited to apply for the position. The only question we ask on our application is: How much do you like The Max? Below is what we got back.
Which finalist do you think The Max should choose as its celebrity endorser? Leave us a comment below. We promise to take your opinion into consideration when making this difficult decision