Dick Cheney can relate to Plaxico Burress’ recent gun troubles. In Feb. 2006, the U.S. Vice President accidentally mistook his hunting partner for a pheasant. Which means, apparently, the Veep’s hunting partner stood a few inches tall, had feathers, a tail and a multicolored face. Because that’s the only way that could actually happen, right?
Citing the media was making the “same mistake twice” by releasing statements “without all the facts being sourced and checked,” Cheney put forth a bold theory as to what really happened at the Latin Quarter nightclub in Manhattan early last Saturday morning between Plaxico Burress, his right thigh and a loaded weapon:
Cheney also recommended charging the gun for disobedience, the bullet for firing and circumstance for allowing such an event to take place.
Most lists of this nature would probably have “Alf” (no, not Gordon Shumway) much higher on the list. But we here at The Max are not completely convinced that he’s a porker. Just look at the placement of his lard. Sits kinda high, doesn’t it? We’re gonna continue to investigate this one, but our instincts tell us that there’s a pillow stuffed in there.
Is he eating his way out of baseball, or what?
We’re noticing a pattern here. Why are most of these guys pitchers? Come on, guys. Take a jog in between starts. Or invest in a stationary bike. Even better – get a Bowflex; they really work… just watch their commercials.
This guy’s as much a vegetarian as WWE is real. Who does he think he’s foolin’? But to be honest, we are a bit surprised to see him make this list. After all, his father is so svelte.
The Max 