Atlanta Falcons nose tackle Grady Jackson has filed a lawsuit against diet pill manufacturer Nikki Harrell’s StarCaps. The pills, which contain Bumentanide, a diuretic prohibited by the NFL, led to Jackson’s four-game suspension from the league.
Personally, The Max wouldn’t eat a Nikki Harrell StarCap just like we wouldn’t buy an automobile from Sketchy Pete’s Car Stash. Apparently Jackson has different standards for what he’ll put into his body.
Regardless of what kind of rat poison this pill turned out to be, Jackson sill has a case here, it’s just his angle is all wrong. For a guaranteed win in court, he needs only to present the photo below to demonstrate that StarCrap’s pills are as useless as a football team in Detroit. Here is an excerpt from our fictional court date with Jackson and his lawyer:
Jackson’s Lawyer: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the old saying goes that the proof is in the pudding. The thing is, when Mr. Jackson is at the dinner table — even after eating StarCap diet pills — there is no pudding left. Just as there is no cake, cookies or pastries left. My only evidence would be the Exhibit A. If those pills are working, it has a flawless way of not showing it. We rest our case.”
Drop us an email because you’re as bored as we are: firstname.lastname@example.org