You’ll need to be sitting down to hear this bad news. Go ahead, take a seat. We’ll wait a few seconds… Ok, now that you’re resting comfortably, we have some disappointing news to share with you: The Lingerie Bowl has been canceled this year!
Sorry to have to tell you this bit of information, but we thought you should hear it from us first (we know, we know… you probably already heard it somewhere else, but don’t ruin this for us).
To be honest, we’re shocked that the NFL hasn’t stepped in to save this historical event. Our only guess is that the economic crisis has hit the NFL harder than we thought. Thus, they’re probably financially handcuffed and can’t step in to make the save.
But have no fear, The Max is here to help. Here’s a list of things the NFL could cut in order to make room for the Lingerie Bowl in their budget:
- Bruce Springsteen: We’re guessing The Boss is going to play the
same songs he did a few weeks ago at the President Obama Inaguration
Ball. Just go back and watch those.
- The 3rd quarter: Really, how much actually happens in the 3rd quarter anyway? It usually takes teams a good five minutes to get back into the swing of things. We say cut your losses and eliminate the third quarter completely. Just follow the enormously-popular NHL template of 3 periods… they obviously know what they’re doing.
- GoDaddy.com commercials: At this point, Candice Michelle is more plastic than actual woman. Please don’t make us watch that stupid dance again this year. (You’re gonna step in and tell us that the NFL actually makes money off these ads and that it doesn’t support our argument, aren’t you? Well, if you’re going to be logical about this whole thing, you should probably stop reading here.)
- The first 12 hours of the pre-game show: Does it really need to be the entire day?
- Instant replay: How about the officials just get the call right the first time? Is that so much to ask?
- Fourth downs: By no means do we claim to be economic experts, but according to our calculations, the NFL could save the exact amount needed to save the Lingerie Bowl if they eliminated fourth downs completely. Aren’t these guys professionals? You would think if they were any good, they could pick up 10 yards within three attempts.
We welcome your comments on this. But again, if you’re going to be using logic to make any sort of argument, this post is not the place to do it.