The Max

When our editorial team first decided to tackle such a prestigious list, we started to think of all the names that we originally thought were ridiculously corny. But the more we looked at these names, the more we started to actually like the corniness of them. In the end, we decided that we were going to applaud those teams daring enough to call themselves Crawdads. With that, we give you the 20 Best Minor League Baseball Team Names (they’re good ‘cuz they’re bad):

In a world where Major League Baseball is dominated by socks colored both red and white, this Mariners affiliate is not afraid to get away from the boring colors of the rainbow. Go Aqua Sox. And we love that silly little frog logo.

This Texas Rangers Class A affiliate would sit higher on our list if the real crawdads weren’t so impossible to open. Don’t you hate when you see the waiter bring them over and you think you’re getting a succulent mini lobster, but then you can open the darn things?

Nobody likes to jam more than The Max. And we also like marmalade.

Perhaps no other team in pro sports has taken as big a risk with their name than the RoughRiders. Sure, Frisco isn’t really San Francisco. But it sure sounds like it might be. And should a team from Frisco really be called the RoughRiders? That’s quite a leap of faith they took there. We’re just shocked that their logo isn’t rainbow colored. And finally, anytime you can put two words together to make one, we’re in.

It’s such a classic Minor League Baseball team name that no list would be complete without it.

Whoa, scary. We were frightened just by typing their name. Imagine how their opposition must feel when stepping into the batters’ box.

As a reader of The Max, you could understand why we think using Abner Doubleday’s name is a pretty cool concept. Plus, they are from Auburn… it kinda sounds like Abner (if you’re slurring your words after having a few chardonnays).

Anytime we have to thumb through the dictionary to find out what a team name means, we’re impressed. It makes us a little smarter, even if tomorrow we are going to forget that an osprey is a raptor with a six-foot wingspan.

This Florida Marlins affiliate has gone to great lengths to prove that you don’t have to be called the Lions, Tigers or Bears to be considered a formidable opponent. By the way, what’s an osprey again?

With a 2008 record of 24-46, you would have to be a little loony to root for this L.A. Dodgers affiliate.

To be honest, we would have boycotted baseball altogether if there was a team from Casper, Wyoming, and they weren’t called the Ghosts. Great job out of those hicks down in the mountains.

Well, now that we are actually typing it, we don’t love the Warthogs as much as we originally thought. But our laptop battery is dying and to move it higher in the list would take much more thought than we are prepared to give right now. Plus, the representatives from Ernst & Young (Andy Sale and John Nendick… tough name, he’s luck that “e” is not an “o”) have already counted our votes and put them into that haliburton of theirs. So, the list is kinda already official.

According to our research team, the dictionary lists a zaphyr as a gentle breeze. Don’t tell the New Orleans Zephyrs, though. Their logo suggest that they think it’s a mean-looking beaver. Congrats to this Marlins affiliate for not settling for the wimpy definition of zephyr and creating their own. We like that.

Who doesn’t love biscuits? Check out their logo, too. It’s so cute. Did we just use the word cute?

We’re not gonna lie to you – we bumped up the Lugnuts a few spots because we feel so bad for the automotive industry right now. We figured if the public saw them in our Top 10, they might be encouraged to support Detroit a little bit more (go buy a car before you read the Top 5… No, not a Nissan. Get yourself a Ford).

The Sand Gnats made our Top 5 not because they are so darn pesky, but because Borat visited them in Borat’s Guide to the USA, episode five. Google it.

We’ve never actually seen an iron pig, but we’re picturing a cartoon hog at the gym doing situps. Maybe he has a sweatband on his head to let everybody know that he’s gonna workout really really hard.

Again with the two words molded together as one. Oh, so witty. At this point, though, don’t you think these professional baseball players could afford real cloth hats? Where the heck did the money from their signing bonuses go?

Believe it or not, this Florida Marlins affiliate got their name from The Simpsons. Yes, The Simpsons. In a 2001 episode of the show, Homer Simpson tries to prevent the Isotopes from moving to Albuquerque. Talk about life imitating art.

Wait, what? The Royals aren’t a minor league baseball team? But isn’t Alberto Callaspo their second baseman? There’s no way he plays in the bigs.