Tag Archives: Kansas City Royals

Royals go international to sign young righty

16 Dec

After seeing the success such teams as the Boston Red Sox and Seattle Mariners have had finding top stars in the international market, the Kansas City Royals announced Tuesday that they have signed a young right-handed flame thrower from Iraq:


“We’ve only seen him on tape thus far,” admits one unnamed Royals official. “But he clearly has promise, and his heart is in the right place. He’ll just need to work on his control a bit. Once he’s able to hit his target, we think we’ll have a superstar on our hands.”

righty1.jpgHey, he can’t be worse than Kyle Farnsworth.

Top 20 Minor League Baseball Team Names

6 Dec

We know that a list citing the best minor league team names has been done many times before. But our loyal readers (both of them), have demanded that we put our spin on such a list. And who are we to disappoint our readers?

When our editorial team first decided to tackle such a prestigious list, we started to think of all the names that we originally thought were ridiculously corny. But the more we looked at these names, the more we started to actually like the corniness of them. In the end, we decided that we were going to applaud those teams daring enough to call themselves Crawdads. With that, we give you the 20 Best Minor League Baseball Team Names (they’re good ‘cuz they’re bad):
#20:  Everett Aqua Sox
In a world where Major League Baseball is dominated by socks colored both red and white, this Mariners affiliate is not afraid to get away from the boring colors of the rainbow. Go Aqua Sox. And we love that silly little frog logo.
#19: Hickory Crawdads
This Texas Rangers Class A affiliate would sit higher on our list if the real crawdads weren’t so impossible to open. Don’t you hate when you see the waiter bring them over and you think you’re getting a succulent mini lobster, but then you can open the darn things?
#18: Jamestown Jammers
Nobody likes to jam more than The Max. And we also like marmalade.
#17: Frisco RoughRiders
Perhaps no other team in pro sports has taken as big a risk with their name than the RoughRiders. Sure, Frisco isn’t really San Francisco. But it sure sounds like it might be. And should a team from Frisco really be called the RoughRiders? That’s quite a leap of faith they took there. We’re just shocked that their logo isn’t rainbow colored. And finally, anytime you can put two words together to make one, we’re in.
#16: Toledo Mud Hens
It’s such a classic Minor League Baseball team name that no list would be complete without it.
#15: Vermont Lake Monsters
Whoa, scary. We were frightened just by typing their name. Imagine how their opposition must feel when stepping into the batters’ box.
#14: Auburn Doubledays
As a reader of The Max, you could understand why we think using Abner Doubleday’s name is a pretty cool concept. Plus, they are from Auburn… it kinda sounds like Abner (if you’re slurring your words after having a few chardonnays).
#13: Missoula Osprey
Anytime we have to thumb through the dictionary to find out what a team name means, we’re impressed. It makes us a little smarter, even if tomorrow we are going to forget that an osprey is a raptor with a six-foot wingspan.
#12: Greensboro Grasshoppers
This Florida Marlins affiliate has gone to great lengths to prove that you don’t have to be called the Lions, Tigers or Bears to be considered a formidable opponent. By the way, what’s an osprey again?
#11: Great Lakes Loons
With a 2008 record of 24-46, you would have to be a little loony to root for this L.A. Dodgers affiliate.
#10: Casper Ghosts
To be honest, we would have boycotted baseball altogether if there was a team from Casper, Wyoming, and they weren’t called the Ghosts. Great job out of those hicks down in the mountains.
#9: Winston Salem Warthogs
Well, now that we are actually typing it, we don’t love the Warthogs as much as we originally thought. But our laptop battery is dying and to move it higher in the list would take much more thought than we are prepared to give right now. Plus, the representatives from Ernst & Young (Andy Sale and John Nendick… tough name, he’s luck that “e” is not an “o”) have already counted our votes and put them into that haliburton of theirs. So, the list is kinda already official.
#8: New Orleans Zephyrs
According to our research team, the dictionary lists a zaphyr as a gentle breeze. Don’t tell the New Orleans Zephyrs, though. Their logo suggest that they think it’s a mean-looking beaver. Congrats to this Marlins affiliate for not settling for the wimpy definition of zephyr and creating their own. We like that.
#7: Montgomery Biscuits
Who doesn’t love biscuits? Check out their logo, too. It’s so cute. Did we just use the word cute?
#6: Lansing Lugnuts
We’re not gonna lie to you – we bumped up the Lugnuts a few spots because we feel so bad for the automotive industry right now. We figured if the public saw them in our Top 10, they might be encouraged to support Detroit a little bit more (go buy a car before you read the Top 5… No, not a Nissan. Get yourself a Ford).

#5: Savannah Sand Gnats

The Sand Gnats made our Top 5 not because they are so darn pesky, but because Borat visited them in Borat’s Guide to the USA, episode five. Google it.
#4: Lehigh Valley IronPigs
We’ve never actually seen an iron pig, but we’re picturing a cartoon hog at the gym doing situps. Maybe he has a sweatband on his head to let everybody know that he’s gonna workout really really hard.
#3: Fort Wayne Tin Caps
Again with the two words molded together as one. Oh, so witty. At this point, though, don’t you think these professional baseball players could afford real cloth hats? Where the heck did the money from their signing bonuses go?
#2: Albuquerque Isotopes
Believe it or not, this Florida Marlins affiliate got their name from The Simpsons. Yes, The Simpsons. In a 2001 episode of the show, Homer Simpson tries to prevent the Isotopes from moving to Albuquerque. Talk about life imitating art.
#1: Kansas City Royals
Wait, what? The Royals aren’t a minor league baseball team? But isn’t Alberto Callaspo their second baseman? There’s no way he plays in the bigs.

2008 Max MLB Awards

19 Nov

maxtrophy.jpgWe really weren’t going to give our own MLB awards this year. That type of thing seems so overdone. But when Evan Longoria was handed the A.L. Rookie of the Year award, we felt like we had no choice but to right the wrongs going on in the baseball world. Come on, people. Did none of you voters see Ian Kennedy’s performance this season? How he didn’t walk away with the hardware is beyond us.

With that expert analysis out of the way, we proudly present to you our Moderately Prestigious 2008 MLB Awards:


Groundhog Day Award
New York Mets’ September

Teammate of the Year
Because the last thing we want is the YES web guy calling to tell us we over-stepped our boundaries and that we may have messed up a potential free agent signing for the Yankees, we will not offer the name of the winner here. What we can tell you, however, is that his name rhymes with Nanny Lamirez. You do the math.

Tag Team of the Year
That same Nanny Lamirez guy from above and Shawn Chacon. If only they had Bobby “The Brain” Heenan as their manager, we wouldn’t be so critical of them beating up elderly front-office personnel.

The Babe Ruth Fitness Award (also known as the “Have A Salad” or the “Lay Off The Roast Beef”)
Miguel Cabrera, Detroit Tigers

The Just Give Him A Managerial Job And Shut Him Up Already Award
Gary Carter

The Just Take Away His Managerial Job And Shut Him Up Already Award
Ozzie Guillen

Model Citizen of the Year
Jose Guillen, Kansas City Royals
Just go away already, Jose. Kansas City is lucky they have anybody show up for the games at all. And then you go and verbally berate them. Not cool.

The What Ever Happened To Names Like Roy White Award
Micah Kilakila Ka’aihue, Kansas City Royals

CTRL+Z Award
Los Angeles Dodgers
Overheard in the LA front offices: “Hey, is there anyway we can undo that Andruw Jones signing?”

The Did We Really Make That Trade Award
Victor Zambrano for Scott Kazmir
Ok, we know that trade didn’t happen this season. But we think it was so bad that it should win the award every year. Or at least until the Mets win another World Series.

The You Must Be This Tall To Ride This Ride Award
Dustin Pedroia

Hey, Weren’t We Supposed To Be Good?
Seattle Mariners