Tag Archives: The List

Top 20 Minor League Baseball Team Names

6 Dec

We know that a list citing the best minor league team names has been done many times before. But our loyal readers (both of them), have demanded that we put our spin on such a list. And who are we to disappoint our readers?

When our editorial team first decided to tackle such a prestigious list, we started to think of all the names that we originally thought were ridiculously corny. But the more we looked at these names, the more we started to actually like the corniness of them. In the end, we decided that we were going to applaud those teams daring enough to call themselves Crawdads. With that, we give you the 20 Best Minor League Baseball Team Names (they’re good ‘cuz they’re bad):
#20:  Everett Aqua Sox
In a world where Major League Baseball is dominated by socks colored both red and white, this Mariners affiliate is not afraid to get away from the boring colors of the rainbow. Go Aqua Sox. And we love that silly little frog logo.
#19: Hickory Crawdads
This Texas Rangers Class A affiliate would sit higher on our list if the real crawdads weren’t so impossible to open. Don’t you hate when you see the waiter bring them over and you think you’re getting a succulent mini lobster, but then you can open the darn things?
#18: Jamestown Jammers
Nobody likes to jam more than The Max. And we also like marmalade.
#17: Frisco RoughRiders
Perhaps no other team in pro sports has taken as big a risk with their name than the RoughRiders. Sure, Frisco isn’t really San Francisco. But it sure sounds like it might be. And should a team from Frisco really be called the RoughRiders? That’s quite a leap of faith they took there. We’re just shocked that their logo isn’t rainbow colored. And finally, anytime you can put two words together to make one, we’re in.
#16: Toledo Mud Hens
It’s such a classic Minor League Baseball team name that no list would be complete without it.
#15: Vermont Lake Monsters
Whoa, scary. We were frightened just by typing their name. Imagine how their opposition must feel when stepping into the batters’ box.
#14: Auburn Doubledays
As a reader of The Max, you could understand why we think using Abner Doubleday’s name is a pretty cool concept. Plus, they are from Auburn… it kinda sounds like Abner (if you’re slurring your words after having a few chardonnays).
#13: Missoula Osprey
Anytime we have to thumb through the dictionary to find out what a team name means, we’re impressed. It makes us a little smarter, even if tomorrow we are going to forget that an osprey is a raptor with a six-foot wingspan.
#12: Greensboro Grasshoppers
This Florida Marlins affiliate has gone to great lengths to prove that you don’t have to be called the Lions, Tigers or Bears to be considered a formidable opponent. By the way, what’s an osprey again?
#11: Great Lakes Loons
With a 2008 record of 24-46, you would have to be a little loony to root for this L.A. Dodgers affiliate.
#10: Casper Ghosts
To be honest, we would have boycotted baseball altogether if there was a team from Casper, Wyoming, and they weren’t called the Ghosts. Great job out of those hicks down in the mountains.
#9: Winston Salem Warthogs
Well, now that we are actually typing it, we don’t love the Warthogs as much as we originally thought. But our laptop battery is dying and to move it higher in the list would take much more thought than we are prepared to give right now. Plus, the representatives from Ernst & Young (Andy Sale and John Nendick… tough name, he’s luck that “e” is not an “o”) have already counted our votes and put them into that haliburton of theirs. So, the list is kinda already official.
#8: New Orleans Zephyrs
According to our research team, the dictionary lists a zaphyr as a gentle breeze. Don’t tell the New Orleans Zephyrs, though. Their logo suggest that they think it’s a mean-looking beaver. Congrats to this Marlins affiliate for not settling for the wimpy definition of zephyr and creating their own. We like that.
#7: Montgomery Biscuits
Who doesn’t love biscuits? Check out their logo, too. It’s so cute. Did we just use the word cute?
#6: Lansing Lugnuts
We’re not gonna lie to you – we bumped up the Lugnuts a few spots because we feel so bad for the automotive industry right now. We figured if the public saw them in our Top 10, they might be encouraged to support Detroit a little bit more (go buy a car before you read the Top 5… No, not a Nissan. Get yourself a Ford).

#5: Savannah Sand Gnats

The Sand Gnats made our Top 5 not because they are so darn pesky, but because Borat visited them in Borat’s Guide to the USA, episode five. Google it.
#4: Lehigh Valley IronPigs
We’ve never actually seen an iron pig, but we’re picturing a cartoon hog at the gym doing situps. Maybe he has a sweatband on his head to let everybody know that he’s gonna workout really really hard.
#3: Fort Wayne Tin Caps
Again with the two words molded together as one. Oh, so witty. At this point, though, don’t you think these professional baseball players could afford real cloth hats? Where the heck did the money from their signing bonuses go?
#2: Albuquerque Isotopes
Believe it or not, this Florida Marlins affiliate got their name from The Simpsons. Yes, The Simpsons. In a 2001 episode of the show, Homer Simpson tries to prevent the Isotopes from moving to Albuquerque. Talk about life imitating art.
#1: Kansas City Royals
Wait, what? The Royals aren’t a minor league baseball team? But isn’t Alberto Callaspo their second baseman? There’s no way he plays in the bigs.

The List: Top 10 dumbest pro sports team names

6 Nov

After watching the Oklahoma City Thunder’s recent home opener, The Max editorial staff began to debate if there was a worse name in the history of pro sports. We were shocked when we came up with a lengthy list of even more embarrassing names. Here’s our Top 10:

No. 10: Houston Texans

texans.jpgTo be honest, we actually don’t mind this name all that much, largely because those rotten residents of The Lone Star State have done such a great job branding themselves as tough guys. Nolan Ryan and Stone Cold Steve Austin immediately come to mind. But naming your team after the state you reside in seems just plain boring. We should probably be glad they don’t hail from Dix Hills, New Jersey. Do you think any NFL team would be afraid to see the Dix Hills New Jerseyans on their schedule? Or how about the Stamford Connecticutians?

No. 9: Washington Wizards
Cut the garbage and go back to the Bullets. Now, there’s a name with some umph! The Wizards? Sounds like their starting five should consist of a bunch of nose-picking Dungeons & Dragons dorks. Watch out, LeBron. Here comes Merlyn the Wizard. He might zap you with his super fake wand on his way to the hoop.

No. 8 (tie): Browns, Blues and Reds

browns.jpgSounds more like fall fashions than sports teams. And yes, we understand that these squads have a great deal of history behind them and that their names were created when such stupidity was actually applauded. But that doesn’t mean they should keep their names now. We also rode around in horse and buggies back then; does that mean we should abandon our cars? Perhaps we should just be happy that there is no Mauves or Aquas out there… yet!

No. 7: Utah Jazz
Ok, we’ve never been to Utah. Nor do we plan on going there any time soon (we have a hard enough time scoring one girl at a time). But we have a funny feeling that there isn’t a ton of jazz music being played in Utah. The name made sense when they called New Orleans home. But they don’t any more, so they should change their names just like the Oklahoma Thun… oh wait, never mind. That name stinks too.

No. 6: Denver Nuggets
We suppose that this is a play off of Denver’s wildly unpopular mining population. Sounds more like something left you know where after an unsuccessful flush.

No. 5: Chicago Cubs
We know, we know. The Cubs are a classic MLB team with a classic name… blah, blah, blah. You’re wrong! The name stinks. Essentially, they are calling themselves babies. Maybe the next expansion team should go by the Puppies or the Kittens.

No. 4: Charlotte Bobcats

bobs.jpgRumor has it that team founder Robert “Bob” Johnson chose the name Bobcats after himself, Bob. Talk about egotistical. Who would ever name anything they do for a living after themselves? By the way, isn’t The Max such a great name for this blog? Signed Jack Maxwell.

No. 3: Anaheim Ducks
What are they gonna do? Quack their opposition into submission? Even worse, they were named after a kids’ movie produced by Disney. Perhaps the Anaheim Cinderellas sounded too tough for them.

No. 2: Oakland Athletics
Athletics? So in translation, they are basically calling themselves the Oakland Sports. Or the Oakland Baseball. The only thing worse would have been naming the team the Oakland Athletes. And don’t even get us started on the A’s. You don’t see the Ducks calling themselves the D’s or the Bobcats going be the B’s or even the Mariners using the M’s… well, don’t compare yourself the Mariners. When was the last time they won a title?

No. 1: San Diego Padres

pads.jpgNothing strikes fear into opposition like a bunch of balding, overweight, elderly monks. A padre is a monk, right? Oh, who cares. This is the same squad looking to rid themselves of Jake Peavy over a divorce in the front office.


By now, you’re probably asking yourself why the Washington Mystics of WNBA didn’t make the list. As mentioned at the beginning of this post, we chose to only focus on pro sports. Ouch!

Which team name do you think is the worst?
( surveys)

The List: 15 Funniest baseball cards ever

7 Oct

Remember when baseball card collecting was fun? You know, back when there was only Topps, Donruss and Fleer? Those were the days.

Nowadays, it’s impossible to keep up with all the different lines of cards each company outputs. I stopped paying attention when I saw a pack of Upper Deck Premium Gold Ultra Niner going for $15 (and there was only three cards in there). What a ripoff.

Anyway, enough about our issues with the baseball card industry.Check out these hilarious cards from the glory days of collecting:

armstrong.jpg#15. Mike Armstrong: After failing to make it as a big league pitcher, Armstrong tried his hand in acting. His biggest role saw him star as Milton in Office Space. “Have you seen my stapler?”

craig.jpg#14. Rodney Craig: To the best of our knowledge, this guy never made it big in the bigs. Now we’re not accusing anybody of anything, but perhaps some more strict drug testing would’ve helped ol’ Rod.

Bereguer.jpg#13. Juan Berenguer: Looks like Juan finally found the guy who stole his burrito and now he’s gonna slam the ball between his eyes.

johnstone.jpg#12. Jay Johnstone: The top-notch editorial staff here at The Max really struggled with putting Johnstone on this list. From where we sit, he simply tries too hard to be funny. When that happens, you’re a lot less amusing (our content notwithstanding).

moon.jpg#11. Wally Moon: Couldn’t he just take a quick swipe around his eyebrow region while doing his morning shave?

mo.jpg#10. Mariano Rivera: The world’s greatest closer looks dressed to impress and ready to do some serious clubbing (We’ll probably get a call from YESNetwork.com’s web guy giving us a hard time for this one).

law.jpg#9. Rudy Law: For the life of us, we can’t figure out why Rudy Law is so mad. It’s probably those hideous uniforms.

conseco.jpg#8. Jose Canseco: You gotta love the mustache that Jose has been growing since the seventh grade.

candelaria.jpg#7. John Candelaria: See Jose Canseco.

leyland.jpg#6. Jim Leyland: To the best of our knowledge, this is the only documented photo of Jim Leyland smiling. It’s probably because he’s is wearing a small building on the top of his head disguised as a hat.

rickey.jpg#5. Rickey Henderson: Just what every young kid needs: a photo of Rickey taking a lead in his underwear. Who thought this was a good idea?

pacella.jpg#4. John Pacella: Everybody knows the Mets went through some tough times in the early 1980s, but did Pacella really need to throw his hat down in disgust? Have some class!

sosa.jpg#3. Sammy Sosa: Sammy’s looking mighty happy for a guy who just stuck his finger in a light socket.

ripken.jpg#2. Billy Ripken: We’re a family web site, so we won’t tell you what it says on the bottom of his bat. But those who are already in the know understand this card’s greatness.

gamble.jpg#1. Oscar Gamble: This card is great on so many levels. Obviously, his hair takes the cake. But how about that ridiculous Photoshop (or whatever they used back then) job on his hat and that horrible play on words in the headline?