October 6, 2008
Chicago – Despite yet another heart-breaking season by the Chicago Cubs, there have been three separate sightings of fans walking around the Windy City wearing Cubs paraphernalia. When told of the shocking situation, and unnamed executive in baseball’s front office told reporters, “Clearly we need to extend the drug-testing to the fans, as well.”
Former lifelong Cubs fan Cormack Burke agrees. “I’ve been following the Cubbies for 35 years, but after this latest collapse, I can’t do it anymore. When people choose to follow this team even after clubs like the Marlins and Diamondbacks win titles, there has to be something wrong. These fans need to be tested. An altered state is the only logical explanation.”
At this point, the only thing holding the testing back is cost. Sources close to the situation claim that baseball has reached out to the NFL to see if they wanted to split costs when they test Raiders fans.
Editor’s note: While we here at The Max never claim to be a P.I. (you know, like Magnum, P.I.), we believe we may have unearthed the source of the Cubs’ problems. Perhaps if they were concentrating more on playing baseball, rather than appearing on WWE.com’s Santino’s Casa webshow, they would have won a game. Take a look: