Steelers settle for fifth choice long snapper

1 Nov

Looks like the Pittsburgh Steelers have hired Jared
, a guy who used to lift sofas for a living, as their new long snapper following an
incident against the Giants last week where fill-in snapper James Harrison launched a snap so far over the punter’s head that the ball may still be
in orbit.

What people don’t know, and maybe even something Retkofsky doesn’t know, is that he was actually the Steelers’ fifth choice for the job. The other potential candidates for the position had various reasons for declining — the strangest being the inability to work because he was on the lam for theft.

In addition to the professional burglar, a mayor, a cop and a clown were all offered the job before Jared the Mover. It sounds confusing, we know, so we made a diagram to clear it all up:

Representatives from McDonaldland, where Mayor McCheese, Officer Big Mac, the Hamburglar and Ronald McDonald all reside, have not returned calls or emails from The Max.

However, Grimace did have this to say:


C’mon…email us:

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