Tag Archives: Pittsburgh Steelers

Whos your Holmes?

2 Feb


Santonio Holmes

Who would have thought? You play a huge role in helping the Steelers win a Super Bowl and the next thing you know people forget about the marijuana charges from earlier in the season. (Mike Phelps better take notes, hop back into the pool and win 25 more medals.)
But with a sick catch in the end zone late in the game against the Cardinals, we’d be foolish to say Santonio’s not our Holmes. 
Sherlock Holmes

I doubt he could do anything like get open in an NFL secondary, or bust out a tight post pattern, but he could deconstruct a defense and probably solve 30 other crimes in the process. 
Despite being incredibly outdated with his goofy pipe and magnifying glass, Sherlock’s still money in a third-rate version of James Bond kind of way. He’s not as tough and not as handsome. But he’s still someone we’d name drop to get free tickets to a game.
Katie Holmes

The huge strike we have against Kate is that she’s married to a loony. The other big one is that she talks out of the side of her mouth. Ever notice that? 
She looks thin and harmless, but there’s something about her that looks rough. It’s sort of like getting a meal from Chilis — it looks good when it arrives at your table, but you know that niceness will turn ugly about an hour after it gets eaten. 
Larry Holmes
He’s a former heavyweight champion and if something went down with some roughnecks, we know our boy Larry would toss some haymakers and clear the trouble out for us. That’s big.
However, he’d also be the toughest in the group, so whatever he wants he gets. If we want to watch Lost and he wants to watch the new 90210 remake, we’d be stuck in Beverly Hills for an hour. 

Name calling, bickering… all in the Giants huddle

30 Jan

We managed to score this video that was shot from inside the Giants’ huddle during a practice a few days before they lost to the Eagles in the postseason. After watching the players call each other names and bicker while a play is being called, it’s no wonder a Super Bowl repeat wasn’t in the — no pun intended — cards.

Don’t just take our word for it, check out the video — it’s only 30 seconds.

Larry Fitzgerald is not who you think he is

30 Jan
While our research is still in the preliminary stages of the Scientific Method (remember that?), we’d like to be the first to report our findings: Larry Fitzgerald may actually be a species of the Predator from the film that starred Arnold Schwarzenegger. (Remember that?)

Just know that we’re onto you, Fitz! It’s apparent that the you and your alien beings have acquired the ability to shape-shift, but it’ll take a lot more than that to fool us Sherlock’s over here at The Max. 

Things you have in common with the alien: 
  • Same hair. 
  • Extremely agile.
  • Tall and slender.
  • Shredded, ripped physiques.
OK, so your ribs aren’t showing through your skin and you don’t have vampire-sharp fangs or weird elephant-like tusks wrapping around your face. Big deal. We’re not buying it. 
Just know that if we see any funny business on Sunday — like a tentacle pop out of your jersey or a UFO hovering around the stadium, we’re going to throw a flag on you for it. Don’t think we won’t.

Steelers settle for fifth choice long snapper

1 Nov

Looks like the Pittsburgh Steelers have hired Jared
, a guy who used to lift sofas for a living, as their new long snapper following an
incident against the Giants last week where fill-in snapper James Harrison launched a snap so far over the punter’s head that the ball may still be
in orbit.

What people don’t know, and maybe even something Retkofsky doesn’t know, is that he was actually the Steelers’ fifth choice for the job. The other potential candidates for the position had various reasons for declining — the strangest being the inability to work because he was on the lam for theft.

In addition to the professional burglar, a mayor, a cop and a clown were all offered the job before Jared the Mover. It sounds confusing, we know, so we made a diagram to clear it all up:

Representatives from McDonaldland, where Mayor McCheese, Officer Big Mac, the Hamburglar and Ronald McDonald all reside, have not returned calls or emails from The Max.

However, Grimace did have this to say:


C’mon…email us: themax_blog@ymail.com