Pistons fans across the Detroit area celebrated when news broke that they acquired perennial All-Star Allen Iverson on Monday. Unfortunately, Rodney Stuckey, the Pistons second-year guard, is feeling a little differently. According to reports, Stuckey feels attached to his uniform number (3) and doesn’t plan on handing it over to the legendary guard, who has been wearing the number since Stuckey was in elementary school. Instead, if Iverson wants it so badly, Stuckey hopes to somehow sell it or strike some type of deal with his new teammate.
Hey, Stuckey. We Googled you to find out exactly who you are (seriously, we never heard of you before). Here’s what we found: You’ve been in the league for a cup of coffee. Iverson averages more than 10 points (and 4 assists) a game than you. And you’re a baby.
We know, it’s hard for you to hear these things. But to help you make up for your selfish behavior, we’ve compiled the Top 10 things you should do for Allen Iverson to prove you understand your new role on the team:
10. Give yourself a wedgie to save Iverson the time of having to do it himself.
9. Blow on his car tires to cool them off after a long trip.
8. Physically change the channels on his TV when his batteries die.
7. Sing him lullabies when he has trouble falling asleep.
6. Teach him how to spell the word “three.” (Good luck)
5. Give him your lunch money.
4. Lose to him in NBA ’09 to help boost his confidence.
3. Walk him to practice (Seriously… with him on your back… in snow, uphill both ways)
2. Cut his meat before sitting down to dinner.
1. Give him the uniform number 3 and any other uniform number divisible by 3. Then forget the number 3 ever existed. Take it out of your vocabulary completely. No joke!