Tag Archives: baseketball

Rodney Stuckey (who?) needs to realize his place in the world

4 Nov

number3.jpgPistons fans across the Detroit area celebrated when news broke that they acquired perennial All-Star Allen Iverson on Monday. Unfortunately, Rodney Stuckey, the Pistons second-year guard, is feeling a little differently. According to reports, Stuckey feels attached to his uniform number (3) and doesn’t plan on handing it over to the legendary guard, who has been wearing the number since Stuckey was in elementary school. Instead, if Iverson wants it so badly, Stuckey hopes to somehow sell it or strike some type of deal with his new teammate.

Hey, Stuckey. We Googled you to find out exactly who you are (seriously, we never heard of you before). Here’s what we found: You’ve been in the league for a cup of coffee. Iverson averages more than 10 points (and 4 assists) a  game than you. And you’re a baby.

We know, it’s hard for you to hear these things. But to help you make up for your selfish behavior, we’ve compiled the Top 10 things you should do for Allen Iverson to prove you understand your new role on the team:

10. Give yourself a wedgie to save Iverson the time of having to do it himself.

9. Blow on his car tires to cool them off after a long trip.

8. Physically change the channels on his TV when his batteries die.

7. Sing him lullabies when he has trouble falling asleep.

6. Teach him how to spell the word “three.” (Good luck)

5. Give him your lunch money.

4. Lose to him in NBA ’09 to help boost his confidence.

3. Walk him to practice (Seriously… with him on your back… in snow, uphill both ways)

2. Cut his meat before sitting down to dinner.

1. Give him the uniform number 3 and any other uniform number divisible by 3. Then forget the number 3 ever existed. Take it out of your vocabulary completely. No joke!

The Max goes streaking

15 Oct

Madden’s streak stops at 476

madden.jpgAfter an insane run of calling 476 NFL games as a commentator, John Madden will finally take a long-deserved rest this Sunday to spend quality time with his family.

Some of us (me) refuse to play his video game because we think his voice is annoying, but you still gotta tip your fedora to the guy for hanging in there.

So, in honor of Madden’s accomplishments, The Max has dug up some others that aren’t so commendable.

NFL Football: Tampa Bay Buccaneers

The 1976 Tampa Bay Bucs were absolutely dreadful. They lost a jaw-dropping 14 games in a row en route to a no-win season. There was but one redeeming quality about going to Bucs games back then: the concessions. No, seriously. You see, in those days corn on the cob was just a buck-an-ear. (Worst. Joke. Ever.)

artest.jpgNBA Basketball: Ron Artest

Congratulations are in order (I guess) to Ron Artest for earning the longest suspension in NBA history! Artest’s penalty included missing 73 games and losing out on a measly $4,995,000 in salary for his role in a brawl that spilled into the crowd at the end of a game between the Pacers and the Pistons in 2004.

Other suspensions stemming from that same incident:

  • Stephen Jackson     30 games
  • Jermaine O’Neal       20 games
  • Ben Wallace              6 games
  • Anthony Johnson       5  games
  • Reggie Miller              1 game
  • Chauncey Billups        1 game
  • Derrick Coleman         1 game
  • Elden Campbell          1 game

NHL Hockey: Chicago Blackhawks

The Stanley Cup belonged to the Blackhawks back in 1961 when they defeated the Detroit Red Wings… and after that there’s really not much else to say about Chicago’s winning ways. The Windy City’s hockey club has yet to reclaim the Cup since, and their drought serves as the league’s longest.

young1.jpgMLB Baseball: Anthony Young

With 27 consecutive losing decisions on your resume it’s tough to find a reference. Mets pitcher Anthony Young found that out during a span of 15 months between May 1993 and July 1993 when the right-hander couldn’t buy a win. It goes without saying, Young’s losing got old really quick.

However, today’s Mets fans might actually appreciate Young’s consistency. With “Noodle Arm” on the hill, it was pretty much a guaranteed loss. Nowadays, Mets fans actually believe in their team… until about September, that is. That’s about the time Young’s losing ways  resurface and lead to yet another Amazin’ collapse.

NBA Basketball: Sacramento Kings

With a chilling 15 consecutive losing seasons (1983-1998), the Kings were more like the jesters of the NBA. Of all people, it was Chris Webber (known as “Mr. Timeout” at his alma mater, the University of Michigan, for his bonehead play during the 1993 NCAA Tourney) that helped turn the California franchise around years later.

It’s a tie! The record for the longest losing streak in the NBA is held by two dismal teams, the 1995-96 Vancouver Grizzlies and the 1997-98 Denver Nuggets, each piling up 23 losses in a row. Not even the lowly Knicks are that bad. However, if we gave Isiah one more season, we’re willing to bet he’d figure out a way to push it to 24 in a row.

bartman.jpgMLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs

Where would any list of losers be without the Cubs? Some say the streak of missing the World Series since 1908 would have ended in 2003 if not for “The Steve Bartman Incident,” which refers to a spectator (Bartman) who attempted to catch a foul ball that would have been the third out in Game 6 of the NLCS between the Cubs and Marlins.

Bartman’s interference gave the Florida new life in the game and afterward Bartman had to be ushered from the ballpark with security protecting him. The Marlins went on to win the World Series that year, leaving the Cubs to search for another route way back to the World Series.