The names Kenny and Roger are common in America, so it’s understandable that there are two grown gentlemen with the name Kenny Rogers who have free agency news that needs delivered.
First, perhaps the more well known to this audience, is the Tigers’ 21-year veteran left-hander who has decided to test the waters in the MLB free agency pool. He was the only player to file on Tuesday, which we feel deserves a quick mention before we get into even bigger news:
Kenny Rogers files for free agency!
The man with silver-dollar hair and a voice built to thrill has decided to file free agency from his horrendous style of music. It’s true, we swear.
“I’m sick of making lame music,” Rogers said in a written statement. “Yeah, I’ve sold a bunch of records, but it didn’t really take any talent. I want to see what else is out there for me.”
The Max would like to state that we hope there is nothing out there for Kenny, and that we have our fingers crossed that he will simply go away. To ensure this becomes a reality, we have started contacting people within the music industry to beg them not to show any interest in revamping and repackaging Kenny Rogers. The last thing we need is for this old buzzard’s mug to show up on TV at halftime of some sporting event doing a duet with Amy Winehouse or Kelly Osbourne.
The funny thing is, our most common reaction when we call a music executive and tell them we’re calling in reference to Kenny Rogers:
“Man, is that dude still pitching?”
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