Tag Archives: MLB

Ex-teammate Bonds bids Kent strange farewell

21 Jan
HGH infested mutant ballplayer Barry Bonds offered ex-teammate Jeff Kent an odd going away gift, The Max has learned. Late this afternoon, when news broke that after 17 seasons in baseball, Kent, 40, will hang up his cleats for good, a copy of a postcard Bonds sent to his former teammate surfaced, again starting rumors that their feud isn’t as over as people once thought.
Back 2002, when both Kent and Bonds were playing for the Giants, a rift between the two went public following this dugout incident:
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Kent ended up leaving the Giants, as the dugout wasn’t big enough for both of their egos and Bonds’ ever-growing steroid head. Then, after a time, it was said that the two sluggers hugged it out and were at the very least on “OK terms” with one another.
After obtaining a copy of the postcard, which is featured below, we’re not so sure the feud is as over as everyone would like to believe…
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Honesty is the only policy … for sports fans, anyway

21 Jan

The best thing about sports — besides the actual game, scouting cheerleaders, nine innings worth of downing beers and munching on hot dogs — has to be when fans express their irritation when something goes wrong.

Ashley Simpson doesn’t lip sync for once, and she pays for it at the Orange Bowl:

Barry Bonds and his expanding head hears it from the crowd during an at-bat.

WWE fans get a “boring” chant going during yet another lame attempt at something funny from WWE “writers.”



Carl Lewis embarrasses himself in front of Michael Jordan and Chicago
.

Sarah “Hockey Mom” Palin has few fans in Philly.

Yankees fans can be tough — they’ll even boo the ones they love.

Nationals fans give Dubya the same reception he’d get from 77% of U.S. citizens.

Mets, Panthers headline 2009 Losers Conference

11 Jan

The New York Mets, synonymous with the term choke artists, finally have company to share their tear rags with — the Carolina Pathers. Following a six-turnover performance in Carolina’s 33-13 loss to the Cards, Jake Delhomme and the rest of the losers will join the Amazin’s at this year’s 2009 Loser’s Conference, where a bunch of failures congregate to cry about their latest letdowns.

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Want to see how badly The Maxs Rob Parker interview could have gone?

23 Dec
By calling The Max, Rob Parker did more than highlight some of our shortcomings (insert an inappropriate joke here), he had us ponder just how badly that interview could have spun out of control had he held a different temperament, like, say, that of a professional athlete. 
There have been some bad interviews conducted in the past, and here at The Max we usually like to refer to those as our job interviews. But for the poor sports interviews, there’s YouTube, which provides hours of enjoyment by catching lots and lots of screwed up interviews on video for everyone’s viewing pleasure.
Editor’s Note: If you watch one video, please let it be the second or third video down. If you watch two, why don’t you just watch all four?
Here is a 3 minute rundown of bad interview endings. The video is good, trust us.



This is an 11-second interview with a Halloween joke that goes terribly wrong…
http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docid=-4806937880659756938&hl=en&fs=true



Um…what’d he say? Seriously, can anyone translate this 13-second interview:


Here is former WWE Superstar (or ‘rassler) Lex Lugar botching a promo for some no-name wrestling organization. (Runtime: 1:12)

Hot Stove News: Knuckleballer wants to be a Yankee

14 Dec

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THE NEXT YANKEES ACE?
  • Name: Abe “Knuckleball” Schwartz
  • ERA: 408.09
  • Throws: Like a guy with no arms
  • Bats: Scared of bats
  • Record: .5 -1,000,001

Rumor has it that Abe — the self proclaimed “King of the Knuckleball” — is pursuing the Yanks for a multi-year deal. We hear he even sent a fruit basket that included a headshot to the Yankees front office. So much for subtlety, Abe.
What’s up with the face paint?

According to sources that know Mr. Schwartz, painting his face like a baseball helps Abe hone his inner knuckler, which dances more erratic than the people in this video:
 

abefanmax.jpgOh man, the guy has a fan club?

Yup, it’s true. The buzz has already started out in Arizona. They love the whole gimmick, and fans are pushing for the Diamondbacks to get moving on drafting something that would lock up Abe and his noodle arm until at least the first game of the season. Well, that might not be completely true.

How much money should Abe be offered to play for New York?
 

Whoa… back up a minute. Nobody said anything about giving Schwartz any money. We were thinking he’d play for free rozin bags or pine tar. With a record of .5 wins and more than a million losses, paying him a penny would require change.

Mets wheeling and dealing for K-Rod

8 Dec

What comes to mind when you think of the Mets? 

  • Choke artists? 
  • September causalities? 
  • New York’s “other” baseball team? 
While all of the above are technically correct, we’d like to add one more to the list: innovators. 
Wait, we’re not kidding, hear us out.

The Mets’ brass implemented a new, radical strategy in an attempt to get top-notch hurler Francisco Rodriguez to the Big Apple to play in the Mets’ new stadium — Bankrupt Park. (Oops, we mean Citi Field.) 
Mid-way through a meeting in Las Vegas between the Mets and K-Rod, someone in a cheap suit rolled out a special roulette wheel. The image key below should help decipher what the stakes were, and we’re still waiting for confirmation on whether or not K-Rod played along or not. 
However, we did hear that Pete Rose offered his two cents: “Always bet on black.”
Here is the image key:

Frowny face: K-Rod goes elsewhere
Mets logo: K-Rod signs with the Mets
Spin Again: It means — duh! — spin again
Question mark: Spinners choice

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Can these people just go away?

2 Dec

Plaxico Burress has been
everywhere lately – the TV, the newspapers, blogs, in my nightmares. And, actually, it’s not just lately, it’s
been all season. From Plax’s disregard for Giants’ team policy to
fines, suspension and finally popping a cap into his own thigh; well, we’ve
finally had enough of this guy. Granted, Burress’ bonehead moves provide
us with material on a weekly basis, but we just can’t take it any longer. The guy needs to go away.

We understand that Jared
used to be the size of a monster truck and has now shrunk to that of a Mini
Cooper. For downgrading from pants that could blanket a small village, we
commend him.

Dude, you’re insane on the court. No doubt about that. But Chuck Barkley’s right, you need to shut the hell up about your plans for 2010. Just keep scoring at will and do something we have never seen in a game like a 720 dunk from the three-point line, but please keep your yap shut about the future.

Many times, the gossip
focuses on the enormously popular and heavily political Triple H, husband to
WWE Princess Stephanie McMahon. Since inserting himself into the royal family
of pro wrestling in 2003, Mr. H has been criticized by dirt sheet “journalists” about the perks he receives from being married to WWE Chairman Vince McMahon’s
daughter. 

She’s crazy.
She’s pregnant. She’s getting divorced. She’s pregnant again. She’s shaving her head! She looks loopy on stage performing one of her formulaic pop musical ditties at some lame awards show. She’s admitted to a problem. She’s finding her inner self. She’s releasing a new record. She needs more money!

Whether or not Brit is
locked up in the loony bin doesn’t stop us from watching sports, but she still needs to take a hike. We’re asking from the bottom of our black heart’s to please keep her off of our television sets unless it’s the replay of the “Baby One
More Time.” 

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Chad Johnson or Chad Ocho Cinco

Chad: Play football. Score
touchdowns. Do your dances. Win championships, then talk as much as you want. But
you’re a Bengal, and that’s in the cat family, which associates you
the Lions. That means no talking.

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Shaq & Kobe

Shaq and Kobe don’t play on the same team anymore, and haven’t for a few years now. The bottom line is that the story is tired and the inability for the press to conjure up new material to draw readers back to their fledging magazines and newspapers highlights exactly why certain publications will be going the way of the banking and auto industries sooner rather than later.

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Barry Bonds

Whether or not Bonds will join the ranks of baseball’s elite is yet to be determined, and if he does, then a whole new crop of arguments can surface (or the same ones repackaged). Now it’s up to the league and those who make those types of choices to decide, so hopefully the rest of us can move on and find someone else to devote our time too. Stories about Bonds are all old hat, and since that hat belongs to Bonds, it means the stories have been stretched very thin to keep pace with his ever-growing bulbous melon.