The best thing about sports — besides the actual game, scouting cheerleaders, nine innings worth of downing beers and munching on hot dogs — has to be when fans express their irritation when something goes wrong.
Ashley Simpson doesn’t lip sync for once, and she pays for it at the Orange Bowl:
Barry Bonds and his expanding head hears it from the crowd during an at-bat.
WWE fans get a “boring” chant going during yet another lame attempt at something funny from WWE “writers.”
Carl Lewis embarrasses himself in front of Michael Jordan and Chicago.
Sarah “Hockey Mom” Palin has few fans in Philly.
Yankees fans can be tough — they’ll even boo the ones they love.
Nationals fans give Dubya the same reception he’d get from 77% of U.S. citizens.
The New York Mets, synonymous with the term choke artists, finally have company to share their tear rags with — the Carolina Pathers. Following a six-turnover performance in Carolina’s 33-13 loss to the Cards, Jake Delhomme and the rest of the losers will join the Amazin’s at this year’s 2009 Loser’s Conference, where a bunch of failures congregate to cry about their latest letdowns.
This is an 11-second interview with a Halloween joke that goes terribly wrong…
Um…what’d he say? Seriously, can anyone translate this 13-second interview:
- Name: Abe “Knuckleball” Schwartz
- ERA: 408.09
- Throws: Like a guy with no arms
- Bats: Scared of bats
- Record: .5 -1,000,001
Rumor has it that Abe — the self proclaimed “King of the Knuckleball” — is pursuing the Yanks for a multi-year deal. We hear he even sent a fruit basket that included a headshot to the Yankees front office. So much for subtlety, Abe.
What’s up with the face paint?
According to sources that know Mr. Schwartz, painting his face like a baseball helps Abe hone his inner knuckler, which dances more erratic than the people in this video:
Oh man, the guy has a fan club?
Yup, it’s true. The buzz has already started out in Arizona. They love the whole gimmick, and fans are pushing for the Diamondbacks to get moving on drafting something that would lock up Abe and his noodle arm until at least the first game of the season. Well, that might not be completely true.
How much money should Abe be offered to play for New York?
Whoa… back up a minute. Nobody said anything about giving Schwartz any money. We were thinking he’d play for free rozin bags or pine tar. With a record of .5 wins and more than a million losses, paying him a penny would require change.
What comes to mind when you think of the Mets?
- Choke artists?
- September causalities?
- New York’s “other” baseball team?
Plaxico Burress has been
everywhere lately – the TV, the newspapers, blogs, in my nightmares. And, actually, it’s not just lately, it’s
been all season. From Plax’s disregard for Giants’ team policy to
fines, suspension and finally popping a cap into his own thigh; well, we’ve
finally had enough of this guy. Granted, Burress’ bonehead moves provide
us with material on a weekly basis, but we just can’t take it any longer. The guy needs to go away.
We understand that Jared
used to be the size of a monster truck and has now shrunk to that of a Mini
Cooper. For downgrading from pants that could blanket a small village, we
Many times, the gossip
focuses on the enormously popular and heavily political Triple H, husband to
WWE Princess Stephanie McMahon. Since inserting himself into the royal family
of pro wrestling in 2003, Mr. H has been criticized by dirt sheet “journalists” about the perks he receives from being married to WWE Chairman Vince McMahon’s
She’s pregnant. She’s getting divorced. She’s pregnant again. She’s shaving her head! She looks loopy on stage performing one of her formulaic pop musical ditties at some lame awards show. She’s admitted to a problem. She’s finding her inner self. She’s releasing a new record. She needs more money!
Whether or not Brit is
locked up in the loony bin doesn’t stop us from watching sports, but she still needs to take a hike. We’re asking from the bottom of our black heart’s to please keep her off of our television sets unless it’s the replay of the “Baby One
Chad Johnson or Chad Ocho Cinco
Chad: Play football. Score
touchdowns. Do your dances. Win championships, then talk as much as you want. But
you’re a Bengal, and that’s in the cat family, which associates you
the Lions. That means no talking.