If Artie Lange got involved in sports hed be…

14 Apr
Posted by ZZ
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Artie Lange: Bowler

Radio personality, actor, author and walking heart attack, Artie Lange, wouldn’t fit many places in the sports world. Actually, judging by the mass standing behind that microphone in the right half of the photo, Lange wouldn’t be a fit many places in the world, period.
But there may be one sport the larger-than-life Lange could slide into flawlessly: bowling.
It’s a perfect fit. He certainly has the physique and the guy can obviously down a few pitchers of brew per frame. Isn’t that all the criteria one needs to be a bowler?
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Paris Hilton: A golf tee

Let’s face it, Paris Hilton isn’t good for much besides collecting small dogs to use as purse ornaments, vomiting quotes that takes the women’s movement back a few decades and exploiting ignoramouses that want to be her new BFF (reference awful MTV shows for more on this).
As far as a job in sports goes, she doesn’t have the coordination to win a spot as a ball girl and she’s not fit enough to be the flag attached to the uprights on a goalpost.
Really, the only spot she could fill would be serving as a golf tee. All she has to do is stand still, (attempt) to look pretty and keep her big yap shut.
Of course, asking her to complete three tasks at once may be pushing it.

3 Responses to “If Artie Lange got involved in sports hed be…”

  1. juliasrants April 11, 2009 at 5:23 pm #

    Maybe she could just hold still and keep her yap shut? Works for me!

    Julia
    http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

  2. welikeroywelikeroy April 14, 2009 at 12:53 pm #

    Funny picture! Artie Lange was an athletic star in the move “Beer League.” Funny story about that movie. My girlfriend’s parents bought me that movie for Christmas, not knowing what it was about, and only knowing that I liked baseball (not being big fans of the game themselves). If you are not familar with the movie, it deserves a higher than R rating, probably the highest.

    The funny part is that we all watched it together, even her Grandma. Might have been the most awkward moment of my life. After the ‘ping pong scene’ everybody was gone from the room.
    http://homerfoodandhistory.mlblogs.com/

  3. themaxblog April 14, 2009 at 2:26 pm #

    Same thing happened to me on Thanksgiving when I watched Superbad with my old lady and her parents. There was no specific part that offended her mom and pops; the entire movie pretty much repulsed them both. Guess who made the call to watch it? Yep, this guy.
    – Jeff

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