Posted by ZZ
Artie Lange: Bowler
Radio personality, actor, author and walking heart attack, Artie Lange, wouldn’t fit many places in the sports world. Actually, judging by the mass standing behind that microphone in the right half of the photo, Lange wouldn’t be a fit many places in the world, period.
But there may be one sport the larger-than-life Lange could slide into flawlessly: bowling.
It’s a perfect fit. He certainly has the physique and the guy can obviously down a few pitchers of brew per frame. Isn’t that all the criteria one needs to be a bowler?
Paris Hilton: A golf tee
Let’s face it, Paris Hilton isn’t good for much besides collecting small dogs to use as purse ornaments, vomiting quotes that takes the women’s movement back a few decades and exploiting ignoramouses that want to be her new BFF (reference awful MTV shows
for more on this).
As far as a job in sports goes, she doesn’t have the coordination to win a spot as a ball girl and she’s not fit enough to be the flag attached to the uprights on a goalpost.
Really, the only spot she could fill would be serving as a golf tee. All she has to do is stand still, (attempt) to look pretty and keep her big yap shut.
Of course, asking her to complete three tasks at once may be pushing it.
Just one day after Angel Cabrera captured the Masters, rumors are circulating that the Gaming Association of Sports is considering revoking golf’s right to call itself a sport.
“After seeing a considerably overweight individual such as Cabrera win the most prestigious championship in the game,” said Mack Dixon, G.A.S. President, “it’s clear that we need to re-assess whether or not golf is a sport. You obviously don’t need to be an athlete to win this thing.”
According to reports, G.A.S. is tinkering with the idea of slapping golf with the “game” label, rather than “sport.” This will put it in the same category as Darts, Pool and everybody’s favorite lawn game, Jarts.
“Yes, we are considering this change,” admits Dixon. “After all, what makes it any different than pool? In both games, you’re trying to get the ball in the hole. Golf just takes a little while longer.”
Update: The Max has learned that G.A.S. is also toying with the idea of revoking the sport privilege to the following “sports.” Do you think they should be considered sports?
On the flip side, we are also hearing the following events may soon earn the “sports” label:
- Beirut (aka Beer Pong)
- Wiffle Ball
- Marco Polo
- Flashlight Tag
- Rock, Paper, Scissors
Which of the below events most deserves to be called a sport?
After a 254-day hiatus, the sport of golf will return next week:
Wait, what? Are you tell me they kept playing golf when Tiger was out injured? Noooo, you’re just pulling my leg. There’s no way the PGA allowed those other guys carry the sport while Tiger was out, right?