Tag Archives: Gordon Shumway

Shumway out in Phoenix

24 Jan

In case you missed it (seeing as it’s hockey news, we’re assuming you did), Phoenix Coyotes CEO Jeff Shumway “resigned” from his post yesterday.

Calls into Shumway’s people and the Coyotes’ front office have gone unanswered, but The Max was able to secure an exclusive interview with the former CEO’s brother, Gordon:

The Max:
How did you hear of the news regarding your brother?
Gordon: I actually just read it on the Internet about an hour ago. My roommate, Willie, was hogging the computer all morning. When I finally got on, I visited my usual morning stops – NBC.com, StuffOnMyCat.com, ESPN.com – I saw it when I got to ESPN.com.

The Max: So he never called you to let you know about the news?
Gordon: No, we haven’t talked in years.

The Max: Really? Why?
Gordon: Well, I’m not sure if you know this, but we’re not from around here. I actually came to the States back in 1986. And I think he still holds a grudge about me never sending for him. To be honest, I completely forgot about him. I made friends with a family in California called the Tanners, and was having so much fun hanging out with them that I completely forgot about him.

The Max: So you haven’t talked to him since the mid-1980s?
Gordon: No, that’s not completely accurate. We made amends briefly, but then went our separate ways again after I asked for compensation for being the inspiration for the Coyotes’ logo. He insists that the image isn’t me. But, come on. Anybody can see that he patterned it after me. Just look at that nose… Ha!

The Max:
So what are you doing now? Are you still hanging with the Tanners?
Gordon: Kinda. I actually mostly hang with Willie, my current roommate. The family kinda broke up about 10 years ago. Sad story. It all started when their cat, Lucky, went missing, which I swear I had nothing to do with. The son, Brian, couldn’t handle the loss and turned to drugs. Willie’s wife, Kate, said she was going to go out looking for Lucky, but never returned. Ironically, Mr. Ochmonek next door went missing around the same time. You do the math on that one. And I still see Lynn every now and then… if you know what I mean.

The Max: Ok, this interview is taking a turn down a street we don’t think we need to go down. Anyway, Gordon, send us a photo. I’m sure our readers would like to see if there is a resemblance between you and the Coyotes’ logo.

gshum.jpg

Top 10 athletes who enjoy Thanksgiving dinner more than you

26 Nov

There’s nothing better than sitting down with your loved ones to share a nice slaughtered turkey on Thanksgiving. We know it’s your favorite day of the year. But, here’s a list of 10 athletes that love chowing down on turkey dinner more than you.

No. 10 Antonio Alfonseca

zalfonseca.jpgMost lists of this nature would probably have “Alf” (no, not Gordon Shumway) much higher on the list. But we here at The Max are not completely convinced that he’s a porker. Just look at the placement of his lard. Sits kinda high, doesn’t it? We’re gonna continue to investigate this one, but our instincts tell us that there’s a pillow stuffed in there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No. 9 Jared Lorenzen

zlorenzen.jpgThis former Giants backup quarterback loves turkey so much that he can barely fit in this photo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No. 8 Livan Hernandez

zlivan.jpgOur terrible cropping job doesn’t do Livan justice here. He’s clearly stretching prior to his daily run… to Dunkin’ Donuts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No. 7 Bartolo Colon

zcolon.jpgWe feel kinda bad poking fun at Big Bart’s bulging belly, seeing as he went to great lengths to drop a few LBs while in Boston last season. But if you thought we were above making fun, you don’t know The Max. We have fairly low on morals.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No. 6 Miguel Cabrera

zcab.jpgIs he eating his way out of baseball, or what?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No. 5 Rich Garces

zgarces.jpgThe photo says it all. And while Miguel Cabrera may be eating his way out of baseball (present tense), Garces has already successfully eaten his way out of the bigs (past tense).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No. 4 Bob Wickman

zwick.jpgUnlike the others on this list, Bob Wickman looks like he would take joy in kicking our butts. That’s one mean looking dude, which is why we are holding back any witty comments (here’s your chance to say that we were holding back witty comments on the previous six, as well. Oh, you’re so mean).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No. 3 Bobby Jenks

zjenks.jpgWe’re noticing a pattern here. Why are most of these guys pitchers? Come on, guys. Take a jog in between starts. Or invest in a stationary bike. Even better – get a Bowflex; they really work… just watch their commercials.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No. 2 Prince Fielder

zprince.jpgThis guy’s as much a vegetarian as WWE is real. Who does he think he’s foolin’? But to be honest, we are a bit surprised to see him make this list. After all, his father is so svelte.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No. 1 John Daly  

zdaly.jpgNo surprise here. At least watching his downward spiral has been entertaining.