Tag Archives: mustache

You should be sorry

22 Oct

juiced.jpgIt looks like Jose Canseco’s latest 15 minutes of fame ran out and now he’s looking for more by claiming he’s sorry he wrote his tell-all book. Well, he should be sorry. But not about writing the book. The overgrown weirdo should be apologizing for the below idiotic indiscretions:

 

 

 

 

 

Wearing women’s intimates
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Thinking this photo shoot was a good idea

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Getting arrested for wearing a sleeveless V-neck

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His sad attempt at a real mustache

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Thinking he was tough (aka: getting knocked out by Vai Sikahema)

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Filling holes in 2009

13 Oct

There’s a closet on the third floor of The Max world headquarters in Dix Hills, NY, that very few people know about. Inside, there’s a bunch of stuff very few people would care about… A box of misprinted Max T-shirts (they read The Macs), the latest NKOTB album and soccer (yes, the entire sport).

Anyway, tucked away in the very back is an operational crystal ball. Even though we already know the answer, we asked the ball if the Yankees would pick up Jason Giambi’s option for 2009. The prophetic answer we were given was “outlook not so good.” With that, the Bombers clearly have an important hole to fill next season. No, not at first base. This one’s more important. Who’s gonna step up and wear the team’s mustache? Here’s our top options:

Joba Chamberlain
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This kid was born to do two things: Be a major league pitcher and wear a mean mustache. We’re not talking about one of those girly ‘staches Johnny Depp sports every now and then; we see him in a Yosemite Sam (but slightly smaller).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bobby Abreu
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We’re guessing Abreu can’t pull off the hairy ‘stache of Joba Chamberlain. But he could probably make Jimmy Buffett jealous with his version of the pencil-thin job.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alex Rodriguez
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Undoubtedly, A-Rod would have the most perfectly manicured mustache in the history of the world. And he’d probably finish it off with a few blonde highlights, just to match his head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ian Kennedy
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What? You can’t see it? You just have to squint your eyes a little bit. It’s there, and we’re very proud of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mike Mussina

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Assuming Moose returns for another year in pinstripes, we suggest he dust off the fake ‘stache he wore during Jason Giambi Day at the Stadium this past season. He looks darn good with that thing on. But coupled with the shades, he slightly resembles an incognito Bobby Valentine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Derek Jeter

jeter.jpgDuring this morning’s editorial meeting, we took a vote and 100 percent of The Max believes the captain should take one for the team and grow a fade on his upper lip.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BallHype: hype it up!

The Big Gs upper lip up for honor

8 Oct

giambi.jpgUnfortunately, it doesn’t look like MLB will honor Jason Giambi with any 2008 season awards. But that doesn’t mean he won’t walk away with any hardware. The Yankees’ first baseman is one of the finalists for the coveted Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year Award.

Other finalists include Keith Hernandez (SNY), Cleveland Brown (Family Guy) and Pat O’Brien (dirty voicemailer). To help The Big G walk away with the prize, place your vote here.