Tag Archives: Joba Chamberlain

Inside the mind of The Max, part 8

9 Apr

Here’s the newest set of questions that have been occupying our every
thought. Let us know if you’re thinking what we’re thinking.

  • wwwaaa.jpgDid you really expect the Yankees to go 162-0? Let’s just settle for 160-2 and move on.
  • Why is it big news that Terrell Owens reported to late to Bills voluntary workouts? It would be bigger news if he reported on time, don’t you think?
  • Do you find Kimberly Jones and Bob Lorenz‘s blogs as refreshing as we do? More baseball personalities should do this.
  • France’s anti-doping agency claims Lance Armstrong broke its rules. Do you care? We sure as heck don’t. Go away, Lance.
  • Shouldn’t we all take it easy on Joba Chamberlain (regarding his comments, not the whole DUI thing)? We’ve all said stupid things in the past. Heck, The Max posts stupid things on this blog all the time. It doesn’t mean we don’t love Yogi.
  • After one inning in Texas today, Carl Pavano gave up five earned runs. Maybe we should be happy that he rarely pitched for the Yankees, right? No, we’re not bitter.
  • As we write this, Mark Teixeira just went yard. OK Baltimore, you now have a reason to boo him. (So that wasn’t in the form of a question. What is this, jeopardy?)

Inside the mind of The Max, part 6

11 Mar

Here’s the newest set of questions that have been occupying our every
thought. Let us know if you’re thinking what we’re thinking.

  • ned.jpgWho’s gonna tell the Netherlands that they misspelled their own name on their WBC uniforms?
  • Now that Joba Chamberlain had a good start (against the Reds Tuesday), can we all stop worrying about if he’s going to be any good this season?
  • Should we instead focus on CC Sabathia getting knocked around by the Tigers today (sarcasm)?
  • Did you know that if a WBC game goes into extra innings, baserunners are automatically placed on first and second base? No joke. Sounds more dumb than the NFL’s overtime rules.
  • When will NFL teams stop giving Terrell Owens opportunities? Poor Trent Edwards.
  • Is it OK that we lost just a little bit of respect for Lawrence Taylor after watching him on Dancing with the Stars?
  • If Sean Avery isn’t going to be the same controversial Sean Avery, shouldn’t the Rangers just send him packing … again? No sense in employing a bruiser if he’s gonna act like a girl.
  • Why aren’t you following us on Twitter?

The real Joba vs. The phony Joba

11 Feb

Ryan Ward, a 30-year-old dude from Toms River, N.J., pleaded guilty to scamming businesses for saying he was Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain. Ward’s punishment was $2,518 in fines and he got placed on two years’ probation for doing snagging free drinks at bars and getting food comped because he told people he was the Joba Chamberlain.

Let’s run through the major differences between the man and the myth:

  • One: Joba wears a Yankees hat. Ryan Ward wears a receding hairline.
  • Two: Joba wears a pinstriped uniform. Ryan Ward wears a powder-blue checkered shirt from the bargain bin.
  • Three: Restaurants go to Joba, he doesn’t go to them. Ryan Ward isn’t afraid to hit the drive-thru window multiple times per day.
  • Four: Joba receives checks for endorsement deals. Ryan Ward writes checks and gets probation because he gets caught pretending to be other people.
  • Five: Joba is the real deal. Ryan Ward is OK with being a phony, and would have probably kept acting like Joba if he didn’t get into trouble.

jobaandlookalikeblog.jpg

Blyleven elected to prestigious group

13 Jan

blyfartx.jpgTucked away deep in our corporate file cabinet is the official list of athletes we deem cool enough to hang out with. And after hearing Bert “Be Home” Blyleven’s interview with Mike & Mike on ESPN Radio this morning, the former Twins hurler has just been added to that prestigious listing (the shirt he’s wearing in this photo didn’t hurt, either). When asked how he felt about not being elected to the Hall of Fame (again), he replied, “I think it’s a bunch of crap!

Gotta love a guy who pulls no punches and tells it like it is. His honesty is a refreshing reminder that these athletes are people, too. Hey Bert, any time you wanna go get a beer, just let us know.

Here’s the aforementioned official list of athletes we want to hang out with. The only requirement we have is that he must be alive. (Because who wants to hang out with a dead guy?) Although, you’ll see that we are pretty flexible on that requirement:

No. 20: Bill Walton
Unfortunately, as we grow older, we’re forced to act like adults, which means less “recreational activity” and more showing up to work on time. Bill, on the other hand, laughs at this notion. Plus, if we hang out, maybe he’ll let us borrow one of his Grateful Dead tie-dye T-shirts.

No. 19: Bert Blyleven
The above intro to this post says it all. Plus, how great is that nickname? Bert “Be Home” Blyleven… love it.

No. 18 (tie): Dick Pole, Jack Glasscock
Because you should always surround yourself with people that others would make fun of… takes the target off of you. For those not in the know, Pole played for the Red Sox and Mariners during the 1970s; Glasscock played for many teams including the Giants and Pirates. He is also the only deceased member of the list. With a name like Glasscock, we think he gets special dispensation.

No. 17: Walt “Clyde” Frazier
We’re not really into girly poetry, but when
Clyde opens his mouth, the soothing sounds of his rhymes make us smile,
especially in those Just For Men commercials. Plus, we really want a
friend who will tell us “your beard is weird” or “your ‘stache is trash.” It’s always better to hear those things from your friends than the girl you are trying to pick up.

No. 16: Keith Hernandez
Anybody
willing to announce a baseball game while sucking a lollipop and wearing a fur coat is OK in
our book. Plus, we’re pretty envious of that mustache, even if it’s
been chemically enhanced.

No. 15: John Daly
We have so much in common already. We both love beer and buffalo wings at Hooter’s. This friendship is a no-brainer.

No. 14: Plaxico Burress
If he’s willing to take a bullet for absolutely no reason at all, imagine what he would do for a friend in need.

No. 13: Nolan Ryan
Our mouths tend to get us into a lot of trouble. At least if we were to be side-by-side with ol’ Nolan at the bar, however, we would know that he would kick the butt of anybody that would mess with us. Just ask Robin Ventura.

No. 12: Tom Brady
Because even if we ended up with his wingman’s wingman’s rejects we would be hanging out with the hottest girls we ever laid eyes on.

No. 11: Bo Jackson
We know that it’s not the 1980s anymore, but everybody still wants to “know Bo,” don’t they? Plus, anybody who can make a defense look this dumb will never go out of style.

No. 10: Reggie Bush
The truth is that we would only want to hang out with Reggie if we could also hang with Kim Kardashian and her lovely frame. Is that so bad?

No. 9: Bucky Dent
As a rule of thumb, anybody who get’s the term “F’n” added to their name is cool in our book.

No. 8: David Wells
See John Daly.

No. 7: Bob Uecker
Between the Miller Lite commercials and his drunken ramblings in the movie Major League, we’re inclined to think “Mr. Baseball” likes to enjoy a few adult beverages. Hey, we do too. Maybe we should do it together.

No. 6: The Miz
This current WWE wrestler (and former Real World cast member) might just be the coolest man to walk the planet. The dude not only parties at the Playboy Mansion, but also dates many of the beauties inside Hef’s magazine. He has reportedly been linked to Trishelle Cannatella and Maria Kanellis, among others. With a resume like this, you would think he could spare some of his riches.

No. 5: Joba Chamberlain
OK, the truth is that we only want to hang out with Joba so that he has a safe ride home after enjoying a few beers. As Yankees fans, we need him on the mound in ’09.

No. 4: Marko Jaric
We’re thinking that as the winner of the 2008 Out-Kicked His Coverage Championship, Marko could give us some tips on overcoming our ugliness to score with the ladies.

No. 3: Jason Giambi
The former Yankees first baseman has everything you should look for in a friend. A mustache, tattoos you’ve always been afraid of getting, an honest quality and he’s willing to share his thong.

No. 2: Peyton Manning
While this may not be a popular opinion with the masses (largely because he sounds like he has marbles in his mouth when he talks), the truth is this dude is flat-out funny. We like a guy who could make us laugh. We also like long walks on the beach… oh wait, wrong web site.

No. 1: Joe Namath
Because we want to kiss Suzy Kolber, too.

On the flip side, here are some athletes that have made our “Do Not Hang Out With” list. We really think these names don’t need any explanation. But just in case, we offered a few:

  • Tony Romo
  • Eli Manning: Not nearly as cool as his brother.
  • Curt Schilling
  • Jason Williams: Any of them
  • Isaiah Thomas
  • Dwyane
    Wade: If he was in our “five”, we would expect a ride from him after a
    long night of drinking. Apparently, he’s not good for that. Just ask
    Barkley.

  • Sean Avery
  • Eddy Curry: We’re not into that. Not that there’s anything against it.
  • Tiger Woods: But we’ll play his video games.
  • O.J. Simpson
  • Alonzo Morrning: Can’t trust him, even if you were there for him when he was down.
  • Michael Phelps
  • Mike Tyson: We’d be afraid for our ears if he were to get hungry (like Bo Jackson, that joke never gets old).

NOW Thats What I Call Yankees: Offseason Edition

20 Nov

Prediction: By the time the first pitch crosses the plate in the 2009 baseball season the Yankees’ roster will have gone through more changes than Joan Rivers’ face.

It’s a bold prediction, we know, but many are anticipating a severe metamorphosis for New York following the disappointing 2008 campaign. In the meantime, the anxiety of guessing who’s on their way out (we’ll miss the ‘stache), who’s going to get one last chance (step it up, Robbie), what new faces we’ll see (can I get you a soda, CC?) and overall how things will have evolved when the new Yankee Stadium opens its doors are all questions as that will have a definitive answer on Opening Day. 

To help encompass some of the scenarios revolving around the Yankees, we decided to make the soundtrack, NOW That’s What I Call Yankees: Offseason Edition. Below is an eclectic collection of songs from various artists that span different eras which can help us break down some mysteries and issues Yankees fans will encounter leading up to the first game of the season on April 6th.
 

Album: The Best of Player

PlayerThis one goes out to Chien-Ming Wang and Jorge Posada, who were sidelined with injuries for the bulk of last season. 

Fellas, we know you’re listening, and we just want you to come back healthy. That’s all we ask. Whatever you need, we’ll give you. (Well, actually, we can only offer loud cheers and chants when you step onto the field.) You want a different song to represent your return? Not an issue. Just let us know and consider it done.
 
Pearl Jam, Rearview Mirror 

Album: Vs.
Pearl JamHindsight is always 20/20, and it’s crystal clear the Yankees lacked pitching last season (perhaps they should have pulled the trigger on the Johan Santana deal). The Steinbrenners and Brian Cashman saw it and have been vocal about who they want to bring to New York to help improve the situation. 
Acquiring established veterans and grooming the gifted youngsters already on the roster has, so far, anyway, seemed to be a top priority. In focusing on the home-grown stars, we think it’s safe to say the Bombers’ future’s so bright we have to wear shades.
The Doors, People Are Strange
Album: Strange Days

The DoorsPeople have certainly become strange when it comes Yankees news this offseason. Some “insiders” pretend to know the top-secret info and then go share it on their blogs without verifying sources. Even worse are the dummies who call into New York radio talk shows claiming to have the inside scoop. We actually heard somebody call WFAN’s Steve Somers last night saying that he heard from a guy who heard from a “source” that the Yanks were shopping Joba to the Mets for Carlos Beltran. Even if the Bombers got both Beltrans, that trade would be a joke. Heck, even the normally-disillusioned Somers knew that was dumb. 

However, ending the lunacy is easily avoidable. The remedy is to watch Mike Francesa on YES, or catch his clips on YESNetwork.com. In terms of sports-news, the guy’s more connected than Tony Soprano.

Green Day, Coming Clean 
Album: Dookie
Green DayThe Yankees have come clean involving missteps of the recent past, and they’re not looking back in anger

Acquiring Nick Swisher was questionable to some, but after it was confirmed that CC Sabathia was offered enough money for him to substitute dollar bills for toilet paper, and knowing that offers for pitchers A.J. Burnett and Derek Lowe are pending, it seems as though pitching will be a key component to a successful 2009 season.

 
The Offspring, The Kids Aren’t Alright

Album: Americana

The OffspringWith concern for Phil Hughes’ development, Joba Chamberlain’s role and Brett Gardner’s production at the plate, there’s plenty of questions about the “kids” on the team. (Can you actually refer to someone with a hefty six-figure salary as a kid?) Their early production will determine if the Yankees’ brass will be walking on sunshine, or if they’ll find their continued faith in youngsters is simply a hard habit to break.

 

Double You, Please Don’t Go

Album: Studio Live

Double YouUnlike the former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, we Yankees fans like the Moose, and following a 20-win season, many of those fans hope Mike Mussina’s ride in the concrete jungle hasn’t stopped just yet. But it appears as though it has. Our only hope is that Mussina reads this entry and decides to pull a Brett Favre before the season starts. Our fingers are crossed.

Andy Pettitte, we know you’re probably feeling left out right now, but don’t. We’d write our own song for you, but nothing rhymes with Pettitte.

Jamiroquai, Where Do We Go From Here?
Album: Synchronized
JamiroquaiSo where do the Yankees go from here? That’s been on everyone’s mind since last September. 
With a cache of possibilities on the horizon, along with acquisition of Swisher, a rearranged coach staff, and a renewed zest from the Steinbrenner clan, it’s obvious that things will be different this year — and if they’re not, expect heads to roll early. The answer, then, would be “up.” The only place to go for the Yankees is to rise up through the division and charge into October.

Queen, The Show Must Go On
Album: Innuendo

QueenRegardless of what moves are or aren’t made, the show must go on. Even if every plan the Yankees had in mind falls through, expect Joe Girardi and Derek Jeter to extract the very best from the squad in 2009. Love ’em hate ’em, these two are hard-nosed competitors who give it 100 percent every time.

Why should we trust Joe and Derek this time around? The reason behind that is simple: as hard as it was for us fans to sit through October and watch other teams compete, it was 10 times as hard for the boys in pinstripes.

Talking Heads, This Must be the Place
Album: Speaking in Tongues
Talking Heads
The atmosphere of the new Yankee Stadium will be filled with energy — OK, and lots of people with hot dog breath. 
But the energy will be much more prominent. After talking to some of the guys at YES, it looks like the history of the old stadium is prevalent, and you know the new memories are destined for the history books. This certainly is the place! 
 
Guns N’ Roses, Welcome to the Jungle
Album: Appetite for Destruction
Guns N' Roses
Think Yankees fans were rowdy at the old stadium? Just wait until the Bleacher Creatures settle into their seats at the new stadium. It’s common knowledge that they don’t necessarily approve of box seats (or the Red Sox)… imagine what they will have to say about the new, even-more-expensive boxes. We’re scared. 
 
We missed something, didn’t we? It happens from time to time. But you don’t have to be shy about it. Leave a comment or email us: themax@ymail.com.
 

Filling holes in 2009

13 Oct

There’s a closet on the third floor of The Max world headquarters in Dix Hills, NY, that very few people know about. Inside, there’s a bunch of stuff very few people would care about… A box of misprinted Max T-shirts (they read The Macs), the latest NKOTB album and soccer (yes, the entire sport).

Anyway, tucked away in the very back is an operational crystal ball. Even though we already know the answer, we asked the ball if the Yankees would pick up Jason Giambi’s option for 2009. The prophetic answer we were given was “outlook not so good.” With that, the Bombers clearly have an important hole to fill next season. No, not at first base. This one’s more important. Who’s gonna step up and wear the team’s mustache? Here’s our top options:

Joba Chamberlain
joba.jpg
This kid was born to do two things: Be a major league pitcher and wear a mean mustache. We’re not talking about one of those girly ‘staches Johnny Depp sports every now and then; we see him in a Yosemite Sam (but slightly smaller).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bobby Abreu
abreu1.jpg
We’re guessing Abreu can’t pull off the hairy ‘stache of Joba Chamberlain. But he could probably make Jimmy Buffett jealous with his version of the pencil-thin job.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alex Rodriguez
arod.jpg
Undoubtedly, A-Rod would have the most perfectly manicured mustache in the history of the world. And he’d probably finish it off with a few blonde highlights, just to match his head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ian Kennedy
kennedy.jpg
What? You can’t see it? You just have to squint your eyes a little bit. It’s there, and we’re very proud of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mike Mussina

moosestache.jpg

Assuming Moose returns for another year in pinstripes, we suggest he dust off the fake ‘stache he wore during Jason Giambi Day at the Stadium this past season. He looks darn good with that thing on. But coupled with the shades, he slightly resembles an incognito Bobby Valentine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Derek Jeter

jeter.jpgDuring this morning’s editorial meeting, we took a vote and 100 percent of The Max believes the captain should take one for the team and grow a fade on his upper lip.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BallHype: hype it up!