Who would you rather hang out with?
Ryan Howard, the Phillies’ slugger asking for 18 million reasons to keep him at first base with the World Champs, or Ryan Howard, the former executive at Dunder Mifflin paper company that was fired and arrested for corruption? We feel it’s a tossup…
Ryan “Phillies” Howard
- He’s rich.
- He wears fancy rings on his fingers.
- He takes snazzy promo shots.
- He plays for the Phillies.
- He has a bulbous head.
- He’s left-handed, which makes for awkward handshakes.
Ryan “Dunder Mifflin” Howard
- He works for… um, a paper company? Well, he’s got a job, at least.
- Has a criminal record (white-collar crime gets chicks).
- He’s been arrested for swindling money.
- He may or may not have a drug problem.
- He never really liked Kelly but dated her anyway.
- Sometimes he sports a scraggly beard that makes him look like a dirtier Kevin Federline.
The verdict? You tell us, but we’re pretty fond of paper… even though the guy associated with it looks like a weaselly creepster.
We at The Max consider ourselves to be a lot like FOX News. Perhaps no other blog on the Internet employs the catchphrase “we report, you decide” better than The Max (ok, we’re a little biased). In short, we don’t offer you our opinions. We simply give you the information and let you form your own opinions. But after last night’s World Series game, we must speak up:
Philadelphia, you should be embarrassed. First you boo Santa Claus, and now you verbally assault poor Mother Nature just because your World Series celebration will be delayed by rain. How do you sleep at night?
Several members of The Max staff actually once had the opportunity to meet Mother Nature at an airport in Paris. Nice lady. She even offered to autograph the photo used in this blog entry. Unlike most celebrities, she spent an insane amount of time with us talking about the weather (turns out deciding to make it rain or snow is a lot more complicated than we thought). She even offered the wonderful advice of “stay warm,” which she also added on her autograph.
Anyway, we could go on forever about how nice Mother Nature is. But this goes far beyond some poor old lady’s feelings. We are getting reports in our newsroom that after last night’s booing of Mommy N, the Easter Bunny is kicking around the idea of skipping Philly this Spring. Are you happy now? And this comes just hours after learning that the Tooth Fairy is training Hulk Hogan to be her fill-in on house calls in the Philly area.
Loyal readers of The Max recall our coverage of the ALCS where we used our PS3 to predict the outcome of the series. Unfortunately, despite all of our technical advancements (including putting a man on the moon), the PS3 couldn’t predict that the Tampa Bay Rays were going to be good this year. That said, they had the Red Sox topple the young upstarts 4-0. Good job, PS3!
That absurd prediction forced The Max editors to toss their PS3 and dig deep into their pockets to predict the outcome of the World Series. That’s right, we’re using a coin. By the way, this is a complete ripoff of 1050 ESPN Radio’s Max Kellerman Show (gotta give credit when it’s due). Here’s the way our coin, which happens to have the World Series logo on it (yeah, we’re fancy over here), sees the Fall Classic taking place:
Rays win 4-2
Okay, so Games 1 and 2 have already been played. But should facts really get in the way here? I mean, come on; we’re using a coin to predict the World Series for goodness sake. Anyway, congratulations to the Tampa Bay Rays, your 2008 World Series Champions.