Tag Archives: Hulk Hogan

10 worst matches in WrestleMania history

12 Mar

The supposed “Granddaddy of ’em All,” WrestleMania, is right around the corner. And the unfortunate trend of WWE booking matches that nobody cares about is continuing, as evidenced by Big Show being included in the World Heavyweight Championship Match. Come on, who really cares about that blob?

In celebration of what will assuredly be a horrible World Heavyweight Championship Match, we have compiled the 10 worst matches in WrestleMania history. No, the Playboy Evening Gown Match will not be on the list. Instead, we’re talking about matches that WWE actually intended on being good. Let’s face it, everybody knew the Evening Gown Match was gonna be a stinker.

10. Triple H vs. Chris Jericho, WrestleMania X8
hx8.jpgYou’ll be hard pressed to find bigger Jericho fans than us. But we even understand his limitations. There should never be a scenario where Y2J is the final match on a WrestleMania card. That type of privilege should be reserved for the likes of Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant, Randy Savage or even John Cena. Not Chris Jericho. To make matters worse, WWE removed any heat Jericho may have had by having him drop to title to Triple H. Not a good idea. Hunter is on his way to becoming a 67-time World Champion; did he really need to ruin Jericho’s career by winning at WrestleMania? Watch

9. Triple H vs. John Cena vs. Randy Orton, WrestleMania XXIV
What ever happened to actually building up to a WrestleMania main event? Not only was the promotion for this match extremely lackluster, but so was the match itself, lowlighted by the out-of-nowhere win by Randy Orton.

8. Alundra Blayze vs. Leilani Kai, WrestleMania X
We understand that Leilani Kai was a part of the first-ever WrestleMania Women’s Championship Match, and that on the 10th anniversary of the event they were feeling a little nostalgic. But there is no reason to roll out an out-of-shape, elderly woman and try to pass her off as a legitimate threat to Alundra Blayze’s Women’s Championship. We would’ve been better off watching grass grow. Watch

7. Hulk Hogan vs. Sid Vicious / Justice, WrestleMania VIII
h8.jpgThis main event was the biggest ball-drop in WWE history. After nearly a decade of Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan claiming dominance in separate promotions, the stars were finally aligned for the two Superstars to square off on the grandest stage of them all. Undoubtedly, this would’ve been the biggest match in wrestling history. But instead, WWE chose to close the show with an exhibition between Hogan and Sid. Unfortunately for wrestling fans, the match was equally hideous. Not only was the finish screwed up, due to poor timing on Papa Shango’s part, but it ended in a lousy DQ. On top of all that, there are rumors that Sid went No. 2 in his tights during the match. For real. Watch

6. Tito Santana vs. The Executioner, WrestleMania I
tt.jpgWhat a way to kick off the biggest event in wrestling history – some masked jobber vs. Tito Santana. The truth is, the masked jobber was actually “Playboy” Buddy Rose, who was somewhat popular at the time. WWE would’ve been better off letting him compete as himself. But apparently, WWE didn’t want the loss on Rose’s record, so they put a mask over his head and sent him out there.

5. Floyd Mayweather vs. Big Show
This boxer vs. wrestler match didn’t quite have the cache of Muhammad Ali vs. Gorilla Monsoon. Watch

4. The Great Khali vs. Kane
It’s truly unbelievable that these guys are former World Champions. We could see Kane, maybe. But Khali? Seriously, when was the last time these guys actually performed a wrestling move other than a kick or punch? We guess WWE was just giving all its fans a chance to get some popcorn or use the head. This one was pure garbage. Punch, kick, punch, chop, kick, punch.

3. Test & Albert vs. Steve Blackman & Al Snow, WrestleMania 2000
These four guys are so bad that they really shouldn’t even be on the list. They probably fall under the aforementioned Playboy Evening Gown Match Rule. But this is just one of many examples of how poorly WrestleMania has been booked at times. None of these guys really deserved a WrestleMania match, let alone a match that included all four of them at once. Negative 5 stars.

2. Akebono vs. Big Show
sss111.jpgNothing worse than watching Big Show in a diaper. Who thought this was a good idea? Watch

1. John Cena vs. JBL, WrestleMania 21
ceba.jpgOver the course of WrestleMania history, there have been many classic WWE Championship Matches … Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant, Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels, The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin. Then there’s John Cena vs. JBL. This match looked more like it deserved to be on Velocity late some Saturday night. After 10 minutes of boredom, the Dr. of Thuganomics hit his lame finisher and the Cena era officially began … unfortunately. Watch

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Wrestlers who overstayed their welcome

23 Jan
In honor of Randy “The Ram” Robinson (Mickey Rourke), the character in The Wrestler who refuses to give up on his in-ring career despite being well past his prime, The Max has compiled the Top 10 Wrestlers Who Hung On Too Long. These personalities had great careers in the ring, but tainted their legacy a bit when they refused to hang up their boots. Unfortunately, we’ll never look at these guys the same again.
dusty.jpg10. Dusty Rhodes
The 1970s and 1980s were very kind to Dusty Rhodes. The big Texan dominated the NWA wrestling scene, including the then-prestigious Mid-Atlantic territory, where he captured the NWA World Heavyweight Championship.

But after getting canned in 1988, Dusty, who was well into his 40s at the time, refused to hang up his boots. Instead, he took his game to WWE. Within months of his debut, “The American Dream” managed to throw away his legendary status and adopt ridiculous-looking yellow polka-dot trunks and the world’s worst manager, Sapphire. 

9. Paul Orndorff
Mr. Wonderful owns the prestigious honor of competing in the first-ever WrestleMania main event in 1985. Fast forward to 1995 and the master of the piledriver was still wrestling (at 46 years of age). But his age wasn’t really the problem. Unfortunately, Orndorff was suffering from atrophy, which caused his right side to shrink to skin and bones. The sight of the one-time adonis shrinking in front of everybody’s eyes was truly saddening.
duggan.jpg8. Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Hooooooooo! Ol’ Hacksaw is 55 years old and still competing in WWE. Our only guess is that he is trying to take the Johnny Rodz route into the Hall of Fame. Rodz could probably count his number of wins on one hand. But the guy was in WWE so long that they actually put him in the Hall of Fame. Hey Hacksaw, if you’re gonna make us watch you wrestle, can you at least put a shirt on? Or maybe tuck your gut in?
7. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper
Remember Piper’s retirement match in 1987? How about the hundreds of matches he competed in over the following 20 years? If you ask us, we think he should’ve walked away when he said he was going to. That way we would’ve been saved from watching that pasty white fat man “wrestling” in WWE pay-per-views in 2006. Who thought giving him the World Tag Team Championship at age 52 was a good idea? Here’s the video… fast forward to 6:35 to see a couple of out-of-shape senior citizens.
mool.jpg6. Fabulous Moolah
In 1999, at the age of 137, the Fabulous Moolah defeated Ivory to win the Women’s Championship. Watching it was like watching my grandmother, God rest her soul, wrestling with the can of cat food while feeding her 17 felines… not a pretty site. Her brittle hands just couldn’t figure out the darn can opener. See what we’re talking about.
5. Andre the Giant
This will undoubtedly be an unpopular decision with fringe wrestling fans. But those in the know realize that Andre was pretty much good for nothing after his 25th birthday. He simply could not move around the ring. Andre owes the fact that he is considered a legend to Vince McMahon and his amazing marketing team. They somehow turned an immobile, unintelligible man into a cult hero. Go figure.
4. Ric Flair
We’re happy to see that “The Nature Boy” finally hung up his “RF” boots after last year’s WrestleMania. We’re just curious what took so long. And if he insisted on being in the ring until he was a senior citizen, couldn’t he at least cover up his body a little bit? Watching his leathery, yet flabby, skin flop around the ring was truly vomit-inducing. (His final match… hopefully)
diesel.jpg3. Kevin Nash
This guy can’t even walk into the ring without getting injured… seriously. But at just a few months shy of his 50th birthday, he’s still dragging his sorry body out there. We just wish he would go back to dying his hair. Nobody’s scared of Capt. Grey Beard.
2. Hulk Hogan
The Hulkster is arguably the biggest name in wrestling history, despite his lack of athleticism. This guy was bad at 21, and when he won his most recent WWE championship just shy of his 50th birthday, he wasn’t any better. The sad thing is that every time he climbs into the ring, people watch, even though he barely does his signature leg drop anymore in fear of breaking a hip (that’s seriously what we heard).
anu.jpg1. Legion of Doom
Hands down, Animal & Hawk were the greatest tag team in wrestling history. But like so many others, they just never knew when to say enough. The shine started to come off this duo when they reintroduced themselves as LOD 2000 (in 1998, by the way… two years before the year 2000). The numerically-challenged team then continued to slide into the toilet in the following months, most notably when Hawk’s character started coming to the ring drunk. No joke.
Honorable Mention: Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Scott Steiner, Danny Spivey/Waylon Mercy, The Sheik, Tommy Dreamer, Debra, Mick Foley, Finlay, Dudley Boyz, Ultimate Warrior (was the WCW run really necessary?)

On the flip side, here’s a list of names that the wrestling industry held on to for too long. Age is not a factor here; the only problem was wrestling promoters continuing to push these guys despite a lack of any sort of talent:
10. Ahmed Johnson / Big T
Big dude, little talent.
9. Mark Henry
Bigger dude, less talent.
8. Mabel
Biggest dude, zero talent.

7. Savio Vega
Had the body of a rotten pear. And the charisma of a shoe.
6. Steve McMichael
The only
thing Mongo did worse than wrestle was announce. And remember that
little dog he had with him at the commentators table? Shoulda stuck to
being a retired football player.
5. Ted Arcidi
Luckily WWE didn’t promote this powerlifter-turned-wrestler too much. But when they did, they did it hard. Unfortunately, this was his best match.
4. David Arquette
WCW champion? Seriously? No wonder WCW went out of business.
3. Albert
Why does Vince continue to push big guys, even if they have zero talent or likability?
2. Test
Not only was he a horrible wrestler, but he also dated Stacy Keibler and Kelly Kelly… three reasons to hate him!
1. X-Pac
In wrestling, bad guys (or heels, as they say in the business) like it when they get booed. It means that they are doing their job well, and in reality, a boo could be considered a cheer. Not in X-Pac’s case, though. When fans were booing him, they were literally telling him to go jump off a tall building.
aasanders.jpgAnd finally, we’d be remiss if we didn’t mention the wrestlers that just never got a fair shake. Here’s our Top 6 (yeah, we could only come up with 6) names that had the talent and charisma, but Vince never let them stick around long enough to overstay their welcome like the others.

6. Stevie Richards
Sure, he wasn’t great. But how do you keep Brooklyn Brawler around for 30 years and not let Stevie show off his talents?

5. David Flair
Come on, the guy is a Flair. He’s gotta be good for something. From where we sit, there was no need to release him so early into his career.

4. Katie Vick
We know that Katie was not really a wrestler, but as far as storylines go, we wanted to see where this one was going. But instead, they went and put an early end to it. Watching it was like watching a car wreck… you know, when you can’t look away even though it’s so hard to watch.

3. Shannon Moore
At the risk of sounding like chubby WCW announcer Mark Madden, we really thought Shannon Moore was going to turn into the next Shawn Michaels. Instead, he’s now wasting time in a tattoo shop somewhere in North Carolina.

2. Mike Sanders
Anybody with the nickname “Above Average” is OK in our book. In fact, because of Sanders, we like to describe our content as “Above Average.” We think you’d agree… maybe.

1. Disco Inferno
We’re just jealous of his dancing ability.

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Outstaying their welcome…

4 Jan
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With President Bush’s tenure in the White House winding down to double digits, about 72 percent of Americans believe W has outstayed his welcome, according to pollingreport.com. To put it lightly, that’s not so good. However, the Prez isn’t the only one who has apparently stuck around in one spot too long…


Stephon Marbury: New York Knicks

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Marbury’s been collecting portions of his $21.9 million salary from the Knicks without even suiting up this season. Not bad for Steph, but pretty terrible for fans that actually want to see the Knicks improve. Marbury might be on his way out, but it’s clear that Steph has outstayed his welcome in the Big Apple. 
Brett Favre: Green Bay Packers and New York Jets

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After Brett Favre packed his stuff from Green Bay — including a Super Bowl ring and a slew of NFL records — and moved to NY to play for the Jets, he was panned by critics for his choice. But then, when Gang Green was doing well, he was praised. Then came the Mets-like collapse that saw the Jets miss the playoffs. Resume the panning. The latest was from running back, Thomas Jones, who verbally lambasted Favre and stated his poor play warranted benching. Ouch. Rumor has it that Favre is leaning towards retirement, but we’re a little skeptical since his retirements tend to last as long as the next guy in line:
Michael Jordan: Washington Wizards

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After a one-and-a-half year stint as the Wizards’ President of Basketball Operations (Would that be the PBO of the company?), and even opting to return to the court as a 38-year old member of the active roster, MJ was informed in a postseason meeting that his services would no longer be required on and off the court in Washington. And this was after Bulls owner Jerry Reinsdorf basically gave Jordan the boot by refusing to resign Phil Jackson after the Bulls won their third consecutive championship in the late ’90s. 
Steven Segal: On Deadly Ground, Under Seige 2: Dark Territory, The Glimmer Man, Exit Wounds, numerous awful action movies

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The list of awful Seagal movies would read as long as Maurice Clarette’s rap sheet. We wish he’d quit making films, god how we wish he’d quit — so he did, briefly. Seagal joined a band and tried to peddle his music to make up for the income that was nonexistent due to his imaginary acting career. That band didn’t work out, either. So he went back to films, and they’re still coming out. Keep your eyes on the Waste of Time rack at your local Blockbuster when “The Keeper,” “Ruslan,” and “Against the Dark” come out.
Dennis Rodman: L.A. Lakers and Dallas Mavericks

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Dennis Rodman was always hailed as a trouble maker — he’s the guy who would head butt referees, kick photogs in the groin and dress like RuPaul when he had an extra six hours to get into costume. 
But while playing with the Bulls, Phil Jackson, MJ, Scottie Pippen all seemed to tolerate Rodman’s antics due to his tenacity on the defensive end of the court.  Unfortunately, he didn’t have the same fate in L.A. or in Dallas. First, the Lakers signed Rodman on 2/23/99, only to waive him a few months later on 4/15/99. Then Dallas, thinking their fortunes would be different, picked up Rodman as a free agent on 2/3/00 then tossed him on 3/8/00.
Lucky for Rodman, he picked up another career in sports-entertainment. He recently won Hulk Hogan’s reality show, Celebrity Championship Wrestling, and proved he can throw phony punches with the best of ’em.


Honorable Mentions: 
Jean-Claude Van Damme
Dustin Diamond (aka Screech Powers)
Kevin “K-Fed” Federl
ine
Reality TV “Stars” — any and all of ’em

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Jerry Sloan and 20 years of change

10 Dec

The Max was reading the The Sporting Blog when an article reminded us of something — it’s been a 20-year relationship between Jerry Sloan and the Utah Jazz. Put it this way: gas was well over four bucks a gallon last year at this time, so how much have Jerry Sloan and the world changed since he started coaching the Utah Jazz back in 1988? Let’s take a look…

Jerry Sloan has certainly aged since ’88. Look at his old photo on the left. He had a nice, thick head of dark hair. The “now” picture isn’t so appealing with spaghetti strands clinging onto a a raisin-like scalp. We’re also predicting that he was a lot livelier and funnier back then, too. Kind of like that Jerry Seinfeld guy. He was funny at one point and penned a terrific TV show, but then started making stupid animated movies for kids. Lame.

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The Air Jordan III’s could have been the kicks you wore while going to see any of these 1988 movies: “Die Hard,” “Rain Man,” “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?,” “Naked Gun,” “Beetle Juice” or “Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master.” 

Also, Michael Jordan was wearing these sneakers when he won he the ’88 dunk contest; Jordan also won the ’87 dunk contest, but he was wearing different shoes.
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In October ’88, Kirk Gibson nailed a game-winning homer in Game 1 of the World Series against the  A’s for a 5-4 win. There may have been a cheesy “pulling the chain” thing going on in his celebration, too. At least he didn’t raise the roof. Kurt tried to raise it, he did, but as seen in this photo, he forgot how the rest went. Needless to say, the one-handed raise the roof never caught on, thankfully. L.A. went on to win the Series that year, by the way.
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Everyone was clamoring for a Zack Morris-style phone as seen on the TV hit, Saved By the Bell. However, ’88 was during the Miss Bliss years, which by SBTB standards were lackluster. Nikki, Mikey, Mylo and Miss Bliss were awful characters, which is why the show dumped them and got a revamp by adding the man, A.C. Slater, into the mix. Slater didn’t have a phone. In fact, Zack was like the only guy in Bayside history to carry one around consistently. Now cell phones are everywhere. The point is that Zack Morris = trend setter.
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This is probably what your computer looked like. Games like Oregon Trial and Number Munchers were played on the incredible widescreen display, and were the reason behind employees of The Max not having girlfriends from 1988-1990.
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George H.W. Bush took over as president from Ronald Reagan after beating out Michael Dukakis. Bush and Reagan kind of look similar, except Reagan had better hair and eyebrows. There was some talk about taxes and how new ones wouldn’t be created, but we were young back then, so we didn’t really care. Anyway, those Reagan eyebrows are pretty sweet.  
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Ted Turner bought the rights to the NWA wrestling promotion, which was later turned into World Championship Wrestling (WCW), which was later a rival to World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), which was later bought by WWE, which later gave WWE no competition, and we all know that removing competition leads to….
wcwlogo121108.jpgFrom what we were told, it was such a cute scene watching Brooke Hogan challenge her dad, Hulk Hogan, for the title belt moments after emerging from the womb. She even cut her own umbilical chord and flexed. What a precious moment in 1988 history…
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Surfing the web

28 Nov

As you know, every Friday at The Max, we provide to you the most clever links we can find on the Internet. The hope is that we can pry you away from being productive at work. This week, however, we’re guessing you’re not at work… you know, ‘cuz of the whole Turkey Day thing. But that doesn’t mean we’re gonna take the day off, especially because we know that you may have the in-laws at your house. Use the below links as a way to waste time, rather than sitting at the kitchen table talking about how much you love watching the leaves change or the falling price of gas.

Scott Proctor’s Arm takes a look at the Yankee Stadium soundtrack. We are a little curious why they didn’t link to our version, which we published well before theirs. But we’re not bitter, and we like their work. We just wish they gave partial credit to The Max.
Speaking of the musical arts, Cracked.com has the worst band names of all time.
Hulk Hogan is getting taken to the cleaners by his wife.
The Max has long wondered how Lenny Dykstra is as successful as he is. The Sports Hernia, apparently, shares the same thought.
JSF looks at some of sports’ worst bodies. Very similar to our Thanksgiving piece, but they did their first. They win (That wasn’t so hard, Scott Proctor’s Arm).
Page 2’s Turkey of the Year Awards are somewhat funny. We wish we did a version; we just couldn’t find the time with all the sitting around and drinking.
YouTube Video of the Day
We first saw this at SI.com. And while the Donovan McNabb thing is old news now, his stupidity will never get old to us. Here, Rosie explains ties to the Eagles QB:

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First Santa, now Mother Nature

28 Oct

mothernature.jpgWe at The Max consider ourselves to be a lot like FOX News. Perhaps no other blog on the Internet employs the catchphrase “we report, you decide” better than The Max (ok, we’re a little biased). In short, we don’t offer you our opinions. We simply give you the information and let you form your own opinions. But after last night’s World Series game, we must speak up:

Philadelphia, you should be embarrassed. First you boo Santa Claus, and now you verbally assault poor Mother Nature just because your World Series celebration will be delayed by rain. How do you sleep at night?

Several members of The Max staff actually once had the opportunity to meet Mother Nature at an airport in Paris. Nice lady. She even offered to autograph the photo used in this blog entry. Unlike most celebrities, she spent an insane amount of time with us talking about the weather (turns out deciding to make it rain or snow is a lot more complicated than we thought). She even offered the wonderful advice of “stay warm,” which she also added on her autograph.

Anyway, we could go on forever about how nice Mother Nature is. But this goes far beyond some poor old lady’s feelings. We are getting reports in our newsroom that after last night’s booing of Mommy N, the Easter Bunny is kicking around the idea of skipping Philly this Spring. Are you happy now? And this comes just hours after learning that the Tooth Fairy is training Hulk Hogan to be her fill-in on house calls in the Philly area.

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