The Max

Ralph Nader, responding to The Washington Post’s decision that it
wouldn’t cover his presidential campaign because he had no chance of
winning: “Then why are you covering the Nationals?”

Charles Barkley, regarding the steroid allegations haunting Barry Bonds: “You all act like it’s a big deal to gain weight when you get old. I got it down to an exact science.”

Bill Maher of HBO, on Roger Clemens: “You can’t deny you did steroids if your head is wider than it is tall.”

John Daly, to a spectator who asked Daly to autograph an empty beer can at the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic: “Don’t you have a full one?”

Kobe Bryant, on how his Los Angeles Lakers blew a 20-point, second-half lead and lost to the Boston Celtics 97-91 in Game 4 of the NBA Finals: “We just wet the bed. A nice big one, too. One of the ones you can’t put a towel over.”

Doc Rivers, Boston Celtics coach, after being asked how long Kevin Garnett would be out with a strained abdominal muscle: “You know Doc’s a nickname, correct?“

Coco Crisp, Red Sox outfielder, on the team’s decision to stop fans from spreading cremation ashes at Fenway Park: “It’s kind of freaky knowing you’re diving into somebody’s grandpa.”

Alla Kudryavtseva on what motivated her to beat tennis star Maria Sharapova in Wimbledon’s second round:  “It’s very pleasant to beat Maria…Why? Well, I don’t like her outfit.”

David Letterman: “Halloween — It’s the dead walking among the living? They’re dead but they’re walking around. No, wait a minute, that’s the McCain campaign.“

Brooke “The Smartest Woman Alive” Hogan: “You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country, ’cause I’d be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?“ 

“I go to bed at, like, 9:30 every night, and I don’t go out or anything. I just feel like an old fart.” — Britney Spears on her life as a parent. 

Pretty much anything Sarah Palin said ended up on some blooper reel, but this one about her foreign policy qualifications takes the cake, whatever that stupid expression means…

There’s a billion more quotes out there, sure, but we like these. Of course, there’s also the Chad Ocho Cinco, T.O., George W. Bush, Shaq catalogue, but we tend to bust on them enough, and we decided to wait until the new year to launch a full-scale assault on some of our favorite targets. 

Tags: Bill Maher, Boston Celtics, Brooke Hogan, Coco Crisp, David Letterman, Doc Rivers, Fenway Park, John Daly, Kevin Garnett, Kobe Bryant, Red Sox, Roger Clemens, Sarah Palin