Anyone ever heard of the toy, Skip It? If not, please refer to the illustration to the left. It’s a fairly simple concept.
Well, Skip It was one of those items that you saw advertised on TV (in 1989) but you never knew someone who wasted their money on one. Sort of like the Pet Rock.
Anyway, we think someone (namely Ashton Kutcher from Punk’d) should buy a whole bunch of them, hire an actor to play a strength coach and then use them at a station during drills at Spring Training. According to the new coach, here’s how the Skip It will help each player: “It muscles your speed. It strengthens your agility. And it agilitizes your endurance!”
With decent acting and no breaks in character from assistant coaches, you think anyone would bite and start skipping to agilitize their endurance? We think the most players on the Nationals would heavily consider it. Science tells us desperation tends to lower inhibitions.
“Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I willingly chose to sign with the Washington Nationals.” - Cristian Guzman
After an exhausting three years of existence, the Washington Nationals have changed their uniform design. The organization unveiled the new-look unis at a press conference held last Thursday in the nation’s capital. Modeling the uniforms were outfielders Roger Bernadina and Austin Kearns… oh wait… no, that’s not right. Those were actually two female models that could probably hit better than .217, which neither Bernadina nor Kearns could do last season.
By the way, these are the same Washington Nationals that had a Major League low 59 wins last season. And if you’re keeping score at home, they also owned the third worst ERA and batting average in the National League. It’s good to see they are spending their off-season wisely by designing cute new uniforms. Forget finding somebody who can hit more than 14 home runs in a season (which nobody did for them last season), go get new unis… good idea!
According to a source close to the team, the Nationals’ to-do list looks something like this:
Finish in last place
4. Rent Sex and the City
5. Book trip back to Montreal Botanical Garden (that was fun)
6. Cut Lastings Milledge’s hair
7. Find out what R.I.S.P stands for
8. Go to Winter Meetings
9. Call Phillies… Willy Mo Pena for Ryan Howard?