We’re happy that Ken Griffey Jr. landed a government gig (full story). It’s smart. Everyone knows that the path to riches isn’t through multimillion dollar baseball deals, anyway. It’s through government scandals and ripping off the tax payers. There’s a ridiculous amount of cash to be swindled through the guise of employment through the state, and we applaud Mr. Jr. for recognizing. We just hope he doesn’t pull a hammy entering his office.
But in all seriousness, this move might begin a revolution. What if others follow? Here are some options for professional athletes who may want to consider jumping ship for another profession:
Jets QB Brett Favre: Should signs a deal with a major motion picture company with his first significant role after “There’s Something About Marry” being the lead in “Father Time and the Touchdown Kid.” It’s the heartwarming story of an old fossil who teaches a young woman her true potential as an NFL rocket arm. Think “Rookie of the Year” meets “Necessary Roughness” meets “Little Giants” meets “My Cousin Vinny.” Oh, yeah, Joe Pesci lands a role, too. “Youse gotsa problem wit dat?” (That was our Pesci impression. Not bad, right?)
Tennis star Anna Kournikova: Deserves a shot at being the new ball girl for the Yankees. (She’d show the girl in this video up in a minute… well, maybe not. The video is pretty sick and it’s real — we swear.)
Giants QB Eli Manning: This guy needs to go back to high school as an undercover cop to foil the devious plot of a crew of misfits that copy their homework everyday before home room. Manning’s got the boyish looks to pull it off, and we know he has no problem acting immature (think back to the NFL Draft in ’04).
Bengals WR Chad Ocho Cinco: The name has Spanish tutor written all over it. C’mon, that was a gimme. However, knowing Chad’s antics, he’d probably request to be the French tutor just to be a pain.
UFC Champ Brock Lesnar: Should go back to his old job as the troll that lives under the Brooklyn Bridge who scares passersby.
Go any others? Leave a comment or drop us an email: email@example.com.