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Tag Archives: New York Giants

Building Mount Dumpmore

26 Feb

dumpmore.jpgIf you’re anything like us, you’re pretty sick and tired of ESPN promoting their silly Mt. Rushmore of Sports campaign. Not only are they forcing us to watch the debacle on TV, but now they’re doing separate, considerably smaller promotions online. Does anybody really care if Dave Niehaus is on the Seattle Mariners Mount Rushmore?

To combat ESPN’s silly promotion, The Max has decided to sculpt their own mountains. But unlike ESPN, we’re not going to sit here and wax poetic on stats or who was the greatest. Instead, we’re building New York’s Mount Dumpmore. As you would expect, Mount Dumpmore honors the absolute worst in each New York sport (or at least the New York sports that count. Sorry NHL).

New York Yankees: Carl Pavano, Hideki Irabu, Jaret Wright, Roger Clemensdumpmoreyankees.jpgNotice how they are all pitchers? Not such a great track records there, huh? Anyway, it pains us that we couldn’t fit Steve Sax or Brien Taylor in there. We really tried, though. These other guys were just too horrible to leave off the list, especially Pavano and his giant contract.

New York Mets: Willie Mays, Mo Vaughn, Vince Coleman, Bobby Bonilla
metsdump.jpgLike Steve Sax, we did everything we could to get Roberto Alomar on Mount Dumpmore. But with his recent woes, we figured we would go easy on him. And yes, we know that associating Willie Mays with any sort of dump is sac-relig. But let’s face facts, he stunk as a Met.

Here’s our Dumpmores for the other New York sports. Like ESPN, we’re gonna wimp out and do them strictly as text. But there is no excuse for ESPN doing this, as they have about 2,000 times the resources The Max does.

New York Knicks: Isiah Thomas, Stephon Marbury, Antonio McDysse, Travis Knight
Fast forward six months, and we’ll have our Boston edition of Mount Dumpore, featuring Stephon Marbury in a Celtics uni.

New York Jets: Rich Kotite, Rich Kotite, Rich Kotite, Rich Kotite
No, that’s not a typo. We’d put him up a fifth time if possible. 

New York Giants: Ray Handley, Tyrone Wheatley, Ron Dayne, Dave Brown
Ray Handley should thank his lucky stars that Rich Kotite coached the Jets. Otherwise, he would probably take the crown for worst New York football coach ever.

Tags: Bobby Bonilla, Carl Pavano, ESPN, Hideki Irabu, Mo Vaughn, Mount Dumpmore, Mount Rushmore of sports, New York Giants, New York Jets, New York Knicks, Ray Handley, Rich Kotite, Roger Clemens, Ron Dayne, Stephone Marbury, Steve Sax, Vince Coleman, Willie Mays

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Biz Markie + Time Travel = Mike Strahan?

20 Feb

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If you don’t know who Doc Emmett Brown is, what the Flux capacitor does, why a Delorean is an unpractical, yet oh so cool ride, and that Huey Lewis made a cameo in the first “Back to the Future” movie-film then this post probably makes no sense to you. Also, the third installment was easily the weakest and we still have quarrels over whether the second film was equal or better to the first.

Tags: Back to the Future, Biz Markee, hip hop, Michael Strahan, New York Giants, rap

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Name calling, bickering… all in the Giants huddle

30 Jan

We managed to score this video that was shot from inside the Giants’ huddle during a practice a few days before they lost to the Eagles in the postseason. After watching the players call each other names and bicker while a play is being called, it’s no wonder a Super Bowl repeat wasn’t in the — no pun intended — cards.

Don’t just take our word for it, check out the video — it’s only 30 seconds.

Tags: Arizona Cardinals, Little Giants, New York Giants, Pittsburgh Steelers, Super Bowl XLIII

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Saying really mean things with pretty photos

16 Jan
We’re really not mean-spirited guys over here at The Max. Calling us that would be a major misconception. But we do have a few things to say that aren’t so nice. So to soften the blow, we added some aesthetically pleasing photos, hence the extremely creative title of this post: Saying really mean things with pretty photos.
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Tags: Boston Red Sox, Charles Barkley, Eli Manning, Elisha Cuthbert, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Simpson, Mandy More, New York Giants, New York Mets, Peyton Manning, Plaxico Burress, Tiffany Amber Thiessen

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Griffeys D.C. gig may spark mass migration

21 Nov

We’re happy that Ken Griffey Jr. landed a government gig (full story). It’s smart. Everyone knows that the path to riches isn’t through multimillion dollar baseball deals, anyway. It’s through government scandals and ripping off the tax payers. There’s a ridiculous amount of cash to be swindled through the guise of employment through the state, and we applaud Mr. Jr. for recognizing. We just hope he doesn’t pull a hammy entering his office. 

But in all seriousness, this move might begin a revolution. What if others follow? Here are some options for professional athletes who may want to consider jumping ship for another profession:
Jets QB Brett Favre: Should signs a deal with a major motion picture company with his first significant role after “There’s Something About Marry” being the lead in “Father Time and the Touchdown Kid.” It’s the heartwarming story of an old fossil who teaches a young woman her true potential as an NFL rocket arm. Think “Rookie of the Year” meets “Necessary Roughness” meets “Little Giants” meets “My Cousin Vinny.” Oh, yeah, Joe Pesci lands a role, too. “Youse gotsa problem wit dat?” (That was our Pesci impression. Not bad, right?) 
Tennis star Anna Kournikova: Deserves a shot at being the new ball girl for the Yankees. (She’d show the girl in this video up in a minute… well, maybe not. The video is pretty sick and it’s real — we swear.) 
Giants QB Eli Manning: This guy needs to go back to high school as an undercover cop to foil the devious plot of a crew of misfits that copy their homework everyday before home room. Manning’s got the boyish looks to pull it off, and we know he has no problem acting immature (think back to the NFL Draft in ’04).
Bengals WR Chad Ocho Cinco: The name has Spanish tutor written all over it. C’mon, that was a gimme. However, knowing Chad’s antics, he’d probably request to be the French tutor just to be a pain. 
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UFC Champ Brock Lesnar: Should go back to his old job as the troll that lives under the Brooklyn Bridge who scares passersby. 




Go any others? Leave a comment or drop us an email: themax@ymail.com.
 

Tags: Anna Kournikova, Brett Favre, Brock Lesnar, Chad Ocho Cinco, Eli Manning, Jets, Ken Griffey Jr., Little Giants, movies, My Cousin Vinny, Necessary Roughness, New York Giants, NFL, Rookie of the Year

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Problem-prone Plaxico gets movie deal

28 Oct

Movie remakes have been invading theaters at a ferocious pace of late. And with the exception of Jessica Simpson prancing around in a bikini in The Dukes of Hazzard, there’s no real reason to run out and rent them. But that hasn’t stopped decision makers in Tinseltown from investing in remakes. Here’s a few you can look forward to in the near future:

    • Alice in Wonderland
    • Footloose
    • Friday the 13th
    • Nightmare on Elm Street
    • Short Circuit
    • Howard Stern’s Porky’s
    • The Evil Dead
    • Tron

While The Max wasn’t too hyped for any of those listed above, there was one that captured our curiosity starring Plaxico Burress. Look out High School Musical 3, Plax is about to take over the box office:

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Tags: Eli Manning, Giants, movie posters, movies, New York Giants, Plaxico Burress, Problem Child, Tom Coughlin

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