Answer: They have all been involved in plots to dupe the public.
According to reports, after shooting himself this past weekend, Plaxico Burress checked himself into a hospital under the alias of Harrison Smith. The fake name was presumably used as a way to avoid media attention, as well as possible legal ramifications associated with possessing a gun. Obviously, it didn’t really work the way ol’ Harry had hoped. When news of Plax’s alias broke, The Max immediately began thinking of some of sports’ other great aliases. Here’s the Top 8, according to The Max:
No. 8 – Kenny Lofton (as Muhammad Ali)
Despite penning this enormously popular blog (ok, that’s a stretch), we have never needed to hide our identity in an attempt to avoid masses of fans. However, if we ever did need to assume an alias, we sure as hell wouldn’t pick somebody more popular than us. Imagine us checking into a hotel as Bill Simmons or Perez Hilton… Almost sounds like we would be intentionally looking for attention. Well, that’s exactly what Kenny Lofton does when he checks into a hotel. Apparently, the fleet-footed outfielder routinely checks into his rooms as Muhammad Ali, as well as other boxing greats.
No. 7 – Curt Schilling (as gehrig38)
After signing with the Red Sox in 2003, Curt Schilling logged on to the Son of Sam Horn web site as gehrig38. Unlike Lofton, however, it seems Schilling was pretty up front about seeking attention (we know, you’re shocked). He went on to conduct a three-hour interview upon logging into the site.
No. 6 – Roger Clemens (as Red Glare)
Say what you will about Clemens, this one is pretty witty. Get it? Rocket’s red glare. Clemens’ nickname is Rocket. We don’t know how else to say it. You either get it or you don’t.
No. 5 – Charles Barkley (as Homer Simpson)
Well, at least Barkley doesn’t have an inflated view of himself. Reportedly, the “Round Mound of Rebound” uses Homer as his alias when checking into hotels. We hate to rain on his parade, but we’d sooner see Homer than Barkley. Heck, we’d sooner see Frank Caliendo’s version of Barkley than Barkley.
No. 4 – Brian Anderson (as Lt. Frank Drebin)
This one’s great for a couple of reasons. First, it involves Frank Drebin from the Naked Gun movies. That’s hilarious on its own. But the funniest part is that former Major League pitcher Brian Anderson (record: 82-83) thinks he is famous enough to warrant an alias. That’s cute.
No. 3 – Plaxico Burress (as Harrison Smith)
The jury’s still out on this one… almost literally. The Harrison Smith alias may take on a life of its own, which would assuredly move it up on the list. Clearly, Harrison Smith’s legacy has yet to be written. We’ll get back to you in a few weeks.
No. 2 – Evander Holyfield (as Evan Fields)
Evan Fields was reportedly the alias ex-boxing champ Evander Holyfield used when ordering human growth hormone and testosterone. It doesn’t take a genius to piece this one together; but just to be sure, SI.com called the number listed for Evan Fields and guess who picked up. Yup, Holyfield. An evader Evander is not.
No. 1 – Michael Vick (as Ron Mexico)
We hate to kick a man when he’s down, but did Michael Vick ever do ANYTHING right?