Tag Archives: Naked Gun

Jerry Sloan and 20 years of change

10 Dec

The Max was reading the The Sporting Blog when an article reminded us of something — it’s been a 20-year relationship between Jerry Sloan and the Utah Jazz. Put it this way: gas was well over four bucks a gallon last year at this time, so how much have Jerry Sloan and the world changed since he started coaching the Utah Jazz back in 1988? Let’s take a look…

Jerry Sloan has certainly aged since ’88. Look at his old photo on the left. He had a nice, thick head of dark hair. The “now” picture isn’t so appealing with spaghetti strands clinging onto a a raisin-like scalp. We’re also predicting that he was a lot livelier and funnier back then, too. Kind of like that Jerry Seinfeld guy. He was funny at one point and penned a terrific TV show, but then started making stupid animated movies for kids. Lame.

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The Air Jordan III’s could have been the kicks you wore while going to see any of these 1988 movies: “Die Hard,” “Rain Man,” “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?,” “Naked Gun,” “Beetle Juice” or “Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master.” 

Also, Michael Jordan was wearing these sneakers when he won he the ’88 dunk contest; Jordan also won the ’87 dunk contest, but he was wearing different shoes.
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In October ’88, Kirk Gibson nailed a game-winning homer in Game 1 of the World Series against the  A’s for a 5-4 win. There may have been a cheesy “pulling the chain” thing going on in his celebration, too. At least he didn’t raise the roof. Kurt tried to raise it, he did, but as seen in this photo, he forgot how the rest went. Needless to say, the one-handed raise the roof never caught on, thankfully. L.A. went on to win the Series that year, by the way.
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Everyone was clamoring for a Zack Morris-style phone as seen on the TV hit, Saved By the Bell. However, ’88 was during the Miss Bliss years, which by SBTB standards were lackluster. Nikki, Mikey, Mylo and Miss Bliss were awful characters, which is why the show dumped them and got a revamp by adding the man, A.C. Slater, into the mix. Slater didn’t have a phone. In fact, Zack was like the only guy in Bayside history to carry one around consistently. Now cell phones are everywhere. The point is that Zack Morris = trend setter.
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This is probably what your computer looked like. Games like Oregon Trial and Number Munchers were played on the incredible widescreen display, and were the reason behind employees of The Max not having girlfriends from 1988-1990.
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George H.W. Bush took over as president from Ronald Reagan after beating out Michael Dukakis. Bush and Reagan kind of look similar, except Reagan had better hair and eyebrows. There was some talk about taxes and how new ones wouldn’t be created, but we were young back then, so we didn’t really care. Anyway, those Reagan eyebrows are pretty sweet.  
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Ted Turner bought the rights to the NWA wrestling promotion, which was later turned into World Championship Wrestling (WCW), which was later a rival to World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), which was later bought by WWE, which later gave WWE no competition, and we all know that removing competition leads to….
wcwlogo121108.jpgFrom what we were told, it was such a cute scene watching Brooke Hogan challenge her dad, Hulk Hogan, for the title belt moments after emerging from the womb. She even cut her own umbilical chord and flexed. What a precious moment in 1988 history…
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What do these guys have in common?

1 Dec

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Answer: They have all been involved in plots to dupe the public.

According to reports, after shooting himself this past weekend, Plaxico Burress checked himself into a hospital under the alias of Harrison Smith. The fake name was presumably used as a way to avoid media attention, as well as possible legal ramifications associated with possessing a gun. Obviously, it didn’t really work the way ol’ Harry had hoped. When news of Plax’s alias broke, The Max immediately began thinking of some of sports’ other great aliases. Here’s the Top 8, according to The Max:

No. 8 – Kenny Lofton (as Muhammad Ali)
Despite penning this enormously popular blog (ok, that’s a stretch), we have never needed to hide our identity in an attempt to avoid masses of fans. However, if we ever did need to assume an alias, we sure as hell wouldn’t pick somebody more popular than us. Imagine us checking into a hotel as Bill Simmons or Perez Hilton… Almost sounds like we would be intentionally looking for attention. Well, that’s exactly what Kenny Lofton does when he checks into a hotel. Apparently, the fleet-footed outfielder routinely checks into his rooms as Muhammad Ali, as well as other boxing greats.

No. 7 – Curt Schilling (as gehrig38)
After signing with the Red Sox in 2003, Curt Schilling logged on to the Son of Sam Horn web site as gehrig38. Unlike Lofton, however, it seems Schilling was pretty up front about seeking attention (we know, you’re shocked). He went on to conduct a three-hour interview upon logging into the site.

No. 6 – Roger Clemens (as Red Glare)
Say what you will about Clemens, this one is pretty witty. Get it? Rocket’s red glare. Clemens’ nickname is Rocket. We don’t know how else to say it. You either get it or you don’t.

No. 5 – Charles Barkley (as Homer Simpson)
Well, at least Barkley doesn’t have an inflated view of himself. Reportedly, the “Round Mound of Rebound” uses Homer as his alias when checking into hotels. We hate to rain on his parade, but we’d sooner see Homer than Barkley. Heck, we’d sooner see Frank Caliendo’s version of Barkley than Barkley.

No. 4 – Brian Anderson (as Lt. Frank Drebin)
This one’s great for a couple of reasons. First, it involves Frank Drebin from the Naked Gun movies. That’s hilarious on its own. But the funniest part is that former Major League pitcher Brian Anderson (record: 82-83) thinks he is famous enough to warrant an alias. That’s cute.

No. 3 – Plaxico Burress (as Harrison Smith)
The jury’s still out on this one… almost literally. The Harrison Smith alias may take on a life of its own, which would assuredly move it up on the list. Clearly, Harrison Smith’s legacy has yet to be written. We’ll get back to you in a few weeks.

No. 2 – Evander Holyfield (as Evan Fields)
Evan Fields was reportedly the alias ex-boxing champ Evander Holyfield used when ordering human growth hormone and testosterone. It doesn’t take a genius to piece this one together; but just to be sure, SI.com called the number listed for Evan Fields and guess who picked up. Yup, Holyfield. An evader Evander is not.

No. 1 – Michael Vick (as Ron Mexico)
We hate to kick a man when he’s down, but did Michael Vick ever do ANYTHING right?