Tag Archives: The Simpsons

What do these guys have in common?

1 Dec

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Answer: They have all been involved in plots to dupe the public.

According to reports, after shooting himself this past weekend, Plaxico Burress checked himself into a hospital under the alias of Harrison Smith. The fake name was presumably used as a way to avoid media attention, as well as possible legal ramifications associated with possessing a gun. Obviously, it didn’t really work the way ol’ Harry had hoped. When news of Plax’s alias broke, The Max immediately began thinking of some of sports’ other great aliases. Here’s the Top 8, according to The Max:

No. 8 – Kenny Lofton (as Muhammad Ali)
Despite penning this enormously popular blog (ok, that’s a stretch), we have never needed to hide our identity in an attempt to avoid masses of fans. However, if we ever did need to assume an alias, we sure as hell wouldn’t pick somebody more popular than us. Imagine us checking into a hotel as Bill Simmons or Perez Hilton… Almost sounds like we would be intentionally looking for attention. Well, that’s exactly what Kenny Lofton does when he checks into a hotel. Apparently, the fleet-footed outfielder routinely checks into his rooms as Muhammad Ali, as well as other boxing greats.

No. 7 – Curt Schilling (as gehrig38)
After signing with the Red Sox in 2003, Curt Schilling logged on to the Son of Sam Horn web site as gehrig38. Unlike Lofton, however, it seems Schilling was pretty up front about seeking attention (we know, you’re shocked). He went on to conduct a three-hour interview upon logging into the site.

No. 6 – Roger Clemens (as Red Glare)
Say what you will about Clemens, this one is pretty witty. Get it? Rocket’s red glare. Clemens’ nickname is Rocket. We don’t know how else to say it. You either get it or you don’t.

No. 5 – Charles Barkley (as Homer Simpson)
Well, at least Barkley doesn’t have an inflated view of himself. Reportedly, the “Round Mound of Rebound” uses Homer as his alias when checking into hotels. We hate to rain on his parade, but we’d sooner see Homer than Barkley. Heck, we’d sooner see Frank Caliendo’s version of Barkley than Barkley.

No. 4 – Brian Anderson (as Lt. Frank Drebin)
This one’s great for a couple of reasons. First, it involves Frank Drebin from the Naked Gun movies. That’s hilarious on its own. But the funniest part is that former Major League pitcher Brian Anderson (record: 82-83) thinks he is famous enough to warrant an alias. That’s cute.

No. 3 – Plaxico Burress (as Harrison Smith)
The jury’s still out on this one… almost literally. The Harrison Smith alias may take on a life of its own, which would assuredly move it up on the list. Clearly, Harrison Smith’s legacy has yet to be written. We’ll get back to you in a few weeks.

No. 2 – Evander Holyfield (as Evan Fields)
Evan Fields was reportedly the alias ex-boxing champ Evander Holyfield used when ordering human growth hormone and testosterone. It doesn’t take a genius to piece this one together; but just to be sure, SI.com called the number listed for Evan Fields and guess who picked up. Yup, Holyfield. An evader Evander is not.

No. 1 – Michael Vick (as Ron Mexico)
We hate to kick a man when he’s down, but did Michael Vick ever do ANYTHING right?  

Surfing the web

24 Oct

It’s Friday again. And as is the Friday custom here at The Max, we provide you with the below links in an attempt to help you get through the work day. As always, these should make you somewhat unproductive for a few hours; the rest of the day is your responsibility.

Tirico Suave takes an amusing look at the whole Tampa Bay cowbell craze. Continue…

The Sports Hernia wonders if the doctor from The Simpsons is doing Tom Brady’s surgeries. Continue…

Page Six has a piece on 6-foot-2 olympic rower Susan Francia. Apparently, she thinks Michael Phelps is sexy. We have no explanation for this lunacy. Continue…

Miami cheerleader Stephanie Ferrera says she’s a huge Yankees fan (and that’s our hook to link you to an attractive young lady. Enjoy). Continue…

Page 2 has the transcript from the infamous conversation between Brett Favre and Matt Millen. Continue…

WWE wrestler John Cena teaches you Wiffle Ball (just in time for winter?!?). Continue…

YouTube Video of the Week
We’re not really sure what to make of this. But it combines two of our most favorite things: Guitar Hero and sports.

Here we go

3 Oct

Ok, I just got a call from the web guy at YESNetwork.com who told me that he was ready for me and my brother to start updating The Max. The only problem is, that despite knowing that we would be doing this for more than two weeks, we are completely unprepared. But that’s not going to stop me from earning a paycheck.

For this first-ever entry at The Max (no, we don’t serve burgers here. This isn’t Saved By the Bell), I figured I’d provide you guys with some of the items I found to be very witty this week on the web. This will help you get an idea of what we will be doing here at The Max.

The Simpsons softball quiz: In the history of television, there are few shows better than The Simpsons. And it doesn’t get any better than when Wade Boggs, Jose Conseco, Don Mattingly and others joined Monty Burns’ softball team. Check out the quiz here.

Bugs and Cranks examines why Jerry Manuel will not re-up with the Mets. Continue…

Nintendo has announced that it is bringing back classic boxing game Punch-out (probably sans Mike Tyson). Continue…

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The Cincinnati Bengals cheerleaders are still hot (not shocking). Continue…

Sure Mark Teixeira isn’t on the Braves anymore, and this video is mad dated, but I’ve been watching it once a month for the past year. Makes me laugh every time. Continue…

Ok, so that was my weak attempt at a first entry. We’ll do better next week, I promise. If you have a funny link you would like us to link to, just send me an email at maxwelljack@live.com. Or just send me an email to tell me you were less than entertained by the above links. I don’t care either way.

Seriously.