The Max

Like Nostradamus, The Max likes to have a little fun by predicting the future. Unlike Nostradamus, however, we think our predictions actually have a solid chance at becoming a reality. Here’s what The Max wants you to look out for in 2009:

After the Tampa Bay Rays finish April in 3rd place in the AL East, nearly every sports writer in America will use the term “hangover” to describe their lackluster play.

John Daly will eat more fried chicken than the Colonel ever intended one man to ever eat. Expect a couple arrests, too.

Tony Romo will continue to wear that ridiculous looking hat. But that’s not the hook – Jessica Simpson will finally see him wearing the hat during a post-game press conference and promptly kick him to the curb (it’s about time).

Terrell Owens will also continue to wear that same hat, but look good while doing it. Editor’s note: Give it up, Tony. Neither the hat, nor the girl, make you look even remotely cool.

Look for the Mets’ closer controversy to start early. After K-Rod blows a few saves in April, Mets fans will begin begging for J.J. Putz to start closing games.

This web site will continually prove its immaturity by making 36 ridiculously bad J.J. Putz name jokes by the All-Star break.

Aaron Heilman will finally get a chance to become a starting pitcher. Unfortunately for the Mariners, though, the fact that he only has two pitches will continue to plague him. Just like in New York, look for Aaron “The Crybaby” Heilman to end up in the bullpen by year’s end.

Brett Favre will retire.

One of the Spears girls will become pregnant… again. Odds are it will be Jamie Lynn, but don’t count out Britney or mother Lynne.

Brett Favre will unretire.

In an attempt to clear cap room, the New York Knicks will trade David Lee, Nate Robinson, Chris Duhon and anybody else with a glimmer of talent. Fast forward to 2010, LeBron will end up in New Jersey.

Jealous men everywhere (us included) will continue to make fun of Tom Brady, even though the truth is he is probably the raddest dude to ever walk planet earth.

College football will continue to miss the boat by not implementing a true playoff system.

People will continue to watch college football, despite the fact that there is not a true playoff system.

Tracy Morgan will finally be recognized as the funniest man alive.

O.J. Simpson will rot in jail (better late than never).

Will Ferrell will make yet another average movie about some fringe sport. Our guess is badmitton, but you never know with him. Anything would be better than Blades of Glory.

Greg Oden will be diagnosed with the same thing Brad Pitt’s character had in that Benjamin Button movie. Damn, that kid looks old. 

The XFL 2.0 will attempt fill the void left behind by the vacationing Arena Football League. Unfortunately for Vince McMahon, however, his second attempt at putting together a legitimate football league will resemble his attempt to bring pro wrestling back to prominence. The Boogeyman? Really?

Despite Jerry Jones’ claims, Wade Phillips will join Eric Mangini, Romeo Crennel and Rod Marinelli in the NFL unemployment line. Speaking of the Cowboys, we think we find this guy entertaining, but we’re not sure yet. Let us know.

Brett Favre will retire.

There you have it – The Max’s best guess at what will happen in 2009. What do you think? Do you have a prediction? If so, leave it below; we’d love to read it.

Tags: 2009, Aaron Heilman, Benjamin Button, Brad Pitt, Brett Favre, Britney Spears, college football, Francisco Rodriguez, Greg Oden, J.J. Putz, Jerry Jones, Jessica Simpson, John Daly, K-Rod, Lebron James, New York Knicks, O.J. Simpson, predictions, T.O., Tampa Bay Rays, Terrell Owens, The Boogeyman, Tony Romo, Tracy Morgan, Vince McMahon, Wade Phillips, Will Ferrell, XFL