Tag Archives: Saved by the Bell

Its true: Wii Sports has killed Mario Bros.

7 Jan

mariobros_010709.jpgIt’s not a joke — for the first time in the history of The Max, we’re reporting hard news: Mario and Luigi, of Super Mario Bros. fame, are dead. Well, not really dead, but kind of dead.

wiijeter_010709.jpgThe phenomenon of Wii Sports has officially dethroned Brooklyn’s own heroic duo as the best-selling video game of all time — and it only took a little more than two years.

The first installment of Mario Bros. was released in 1983 with about a billion sequels thereafter. Wii Sports was introduced to North America in November 2006. That should demonstrate the power of the Wii, folks.

Is this important news? Not really, but we felt our readers should know. We grew up playing Mario Bros., so this figurative death hits home with us at The Max. It’d be like someone saying that “The O.C.” or “Gossip Girl” has officially taken over “Saved by the Bell” or “Beverly Hills, 90210” (the original one with Brandon, Brenda, Kelly and Dylan) as the best teen dramas ever. Rest in peace, Mario Bros. You will be remembered fondly.

Dance contest: Rey Maualuga vs. AC Slater

4 Jan
After USC’s Rose Bowl win, Rey Maualuga shows off his moves to an unknowing sideline reporter.
AC Slater showing Kelly Kapowski why she should choose him over Zack Morris in the episode titled “Dancing to the Max.” (In case you’re wondering, Slater — with his serious display of talent — wins the honor, but not Kelly’s heart.) 

We’re keeping mum on who we believe the winner is, but the spin-jump-split combo is pretty tough to beat. 

Surfing the web

19 Dec

We’ve somehow made it to another Friday, which means The Max is here to help you be as unproductive at work as possible. Here are some great links that will help you waste away your work day:

Did you know the New York Mets were almost called the New York Bees? It’s true. Check out Mental Floss for a full list of team names that almost were.

The Sports Hernia takes a look at athletic brothers and their notable accomplishments. We’re not sure if it was intentional (it so was), but our favorite part was when they referred to Venus and Serena Williams as brothers. The Sports Hernia…

Buffalo Bills QB J.P. Losman caught on camera getting cozy with a young lady. Sports Crunch…

Peter Abraham does a great job breaking down how the CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett signings came to be. Check it out at LoHud.

Did David Wright and Erin Andrews cuddle up for the cameras? Deadspin…

Julia (of Julia’s Rants fame) is certainly looking at the no Tex in Boston situation with great optimism. Julia…

YouTube Video of Week
Zack Morris practically lived at The Max. But you never really saw Mr. Belding there, until now. Here he is singing karaoke with Brooke Hogan of all people.

Jerry Sloan and 20 years of change

10 Dec

The Max was reading the The Sporting Blog when an article reminded us of something — it’s been a 20-year relationship between Jerry Sloan and the Utah Jazz. Put it this way: gas was well over four bucks a gallon last year at this time, so how much have Jerry Sloan and the world changed since he started coaching the Utah Jazz back in 1988? Let’s take a look…

Jerry Sloan has certainly aged since ’88. Look at his old photo on the left. He had a nice, thick head of dark hair. The “now” picture isn’t so appealing with spaghetti strands clinging onto a a raisin-like scalp. We’re also predicting that he was a lot livelier and funnier back then, too. Kind of like that Jerry Seinfeld guy. He was funny at one point and penned a terrific TV show, but then started making stupid animated movies for kids. Lame.

The Air Jordan III’s could have been the kicks you wore while going to see any of these 1988 movies: “Die Hard,” “Rain Man,” “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?,” “Naked Gun,” “Beetle Juice” or “Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master.” 

Also, Michael Jordan was wearing these sneakers when he won he the ’88 dunk contest; Jordan also won the ’87 dunk contest, but he was wearing different shoes.
In October ’88, Kirk Gibson nailed a game-winning homer in Game 1 of the World Series against the  A’s for a 5-4 win. There may have been a cheesy “pulling the chain” thing going on in his celebration, too. At least he didn’t raise the roof. Kurt tried to raise it, he did, but as seen in this photo, he forgot how the rest went. Needless to say, the one-handed raise the roof never caught on, thankfully. L.A. went on to win the Series that year, by the way.
Everyone was clamoring for a Zack Morris-style phone as seen on the TV hit, Saved By the Bell. However, ’88 was during the Miss Bliss years, which by SBTB standards were lackluster. Nikki, Mikey, Mylo and Miss Bliss were awful characters, which is why the show dumped them and got a revamp by adding the man, A.C. Slater, into the mix. Slater didn’t have a phone. In fact, Zack was like the only guy in Bayside history to carry one around consistently. Now cell phones are everywhere. The point is that Zack Morris = trend setter.

This is probably what your computer looked like. Games like Oregon Trial and Number Munchers were played on the incredible widescreen display, and were the reason behind employees of The Max not having girlfriends from 1988-1990.

George H.W. Bush took over as president from Ronald Reagan after beating out Michael Dukakis. Bush and Reagan kind of look similar, except Reagan had better hair and eyebrows. There was some talk about taxes and how new ones wouldn’t be created, but we were young back then, so we didn’t really care. Anyway, those Reagan eyebrows are pretty sweet.  

Ted Turner bought the rights to the NWA wrestling promotion, which was later turned into World Championship Wrestling (WCW), which was later a rival to World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), which was later bought by WWE, which later gave WWE no competition, and we all know that removing competition leads to….
wcwlogo121108.jpgFrom what we were told, it was such a cute scene watching Brooke Hogan challenge her dad, Hulk Hogan, for the title belt moments after emerging from the womb. She even cut her own umbilical chord and flexed. What a precious moment in 1988 history…

When good mullets go bad

30 Oct

schintzius_med.jpgDwayne Schintzius certainly turned a lot of heads during his nine-year NBA career. Seriously, when he ran down the court people literally had to turn their head to shield their eyes as the greasy-mullet perched atop his head flopped around. We could forgive Schintzius for his bad hair if he had, say, the three-point touch of Larry Bird, who also owned a bee’s nest and rat tail. But Larry Legend Schintzius is not.


However, when it comes to which guy had a worse mullet, Schintzius or Bird, that’s up for grabs. But when it comes to naming which guy had the glare of a serial killer? We feel like there’s no argument on that.

JCVD: We can hear some of you now: “Hey! Jeanne-Claude Van Damme wasn’t an athlete! What gives?

OK, you got us. But he did play Frank Dux in the movie “Blood Sport,” and The Max loves that movie, so that gives JCVD an honorary membership into our post on totally rad mullets.


The pride and joy of The Max: A.C. Slater. His jheri-curl mullet may not have allowed him to score Kelly Kapowski (who later became Kelly Morris after marrying Zack), but Slater was the star of the Bayside Tiger’s wrestling team. A.C. was also part of his college wrestling team at California University. He as much as anyone belongs on this list, so congrats and welcome aboard, Albert Clifford.
We’ve been seeing a lot of Andre Agassi lately at The Max. There was the unforgivable Canon ad from the 1990’s and now here he is resembling a Boy George lookalike, sporting a dreamy mullet, a scruffy mug and a furry chest. Ugh. There’s few words we can use to describe this debacle of a picture, so we’ll just let the photo speak for itself.

We know he was once a member of the Yankees, but it’s impossible to keep him off the list: Randy Johnson. It’s bad enough he looks like Big Bird’s anorexic brother, but that hairdo is 

randy.jpgenough to make us forget he was dominant from the mound. (Whoops. Did we just say “was” dominant?)

We know we missed a few mullets, but don’t worry because The Max plans on revisiting some that didn’t make the list in the very near future. However, if there is someone you feel we absolutely must add, or if you want to tell us how much you love our work, please drop us a line: themax_blog@ymail.com. But be warned, dear readers, you might get an email back.

Premature Retire-ations

10 Oct

silva.jpgAnderson Silva is arguably the best pound-for-pound mixed martial artist in the game today. The 33 year-old UFC Middleweight Champion, know as “The Spider,” owns a record of 24-4 with 13 KO’s. So, yeah, he’s what you’d call a tough guy.

Recently, Silva announced that he plans to retire from MMA competition when he turns 35. Many fans weren’t happy hearing that news, saying it was premature and he’d be walking away in his prime.

So that got me thinking: Who else said goodbye to a sport while they still had gas left in the tank?

Premature Retire-ations

screech.jpgSAMUEL “SCREECH” POWERS: It was Oct. 1991 and “Saved by the Bell” episode No. 107. The Bayside Tigers — and the world — had never seen such grace and skill on the chess board. When it came to putting opponents away, Screech showed no mercy.

But just like his best pal Zack Morris did with basketball, lovable hunk A.C. Slater did with wrestling and brainiac Jesse Spano did with her caffeine pill addiction, Screech gave up his best chance at success.

Nowadays, Screech is broke and dabbling in the adult film industry. (Unfortunately, that last part is not a joke.) He should have stuck with working the pawns and rooks. Go Bayside.

rock.jpgTHE ROCK: Beyond a shadow of a doubt, the Rock was “The Most Electrifying Man in Sports-Entertainment.” The former Miami Hurricanes defensive lineman was quick on the mic and nimble in the ring.

Somewhere between 2003 and 2004, after nine World Championship title reigns and an estimated 6,000 People’s Eyebrows, The Rock left wrestling for acting. He started with action films, then dropped about 200 pounds and began pumping out Disney comedies like the Spears women pop out offspring.

Professional wrestling hasn’t been the same since the People’s Champ left the scene, and die-hard fans are still hoping that someone, anyone, will find a way to fill the void the Rock left when he retired.

jordan.jpgMICHAEL JORDAN: If there are any left on earth, I’m sure Knicks fans still remember how MJ lit MSG up every time he rolled through New York. But it was his stint with the Double-A Birmingham Barons baseball squad that got His Airness on this list.

Sure, he stunk (.202 with 3 HR and 114 strikeouts), and he looked kinda goofy in his uniform, but c’mon, it’s Michael Jordan!
Given two or three more years, it’s a guarantee that he would have worked his way to being the second or third worst player on the team.

sanders.jpgBARRY SANDERS: Although he never pulled an Al Bundy (the Polk High halfback that scored four touchdowns in one game), Barry Sanders was certainly a force to be reckoned with when he was handed the football.

Greatly considered one of the best running backs in NFL history, it’s widely agreed by everyone except Sanders himself that No. 20 bounced out of the league far too soon.

remercoop.jpgJOE “COOP” COOPER and DOUG REMER: South Park co-creators Trey Parker (Cooper) and Matt Stone (Remer) starred in 1998’s raunchy comedy, “BASEketball.” The duo were standouts for the Milwaukee Beers in the National BASEketball League (NBL). After a trying season, the Beers pulled it together to win the inaugural Denslow Cup.

Following the Beers’ victory, Coop hooked up with Yasmin Bleeth (prior to her rancid mug shot ) while Remer and former Playmate Victoria Silvstedt became a lot more than BFF. Their departure left the sport of BASEketball to die a slow, painful death prior to the 1999 season.

lattimer.jpgSTEVE LATTIMER: As a middle linebacker for the fictional Division-1 football ESU Timberwolves in 1993’s “The Program,” Lattimer was a monster on the inside. He was big. He was strong. And he had more juice in him than Jose Canseco and Mark McGuire multiplied by Lance Armstrong.

When coach Sam Winters (James Caan) caught Lattimer whacked on roids after his first suspension, Lattimer’s ESU career was through.

cobra1.jpgWith his playing days behind him, it’s rumored that Lattimer joined the nefarious Cobra Kai clan from “The Karate Kid” to take out anyone who dared oppose his face painting skills.

Think I missed someone? Don’t just sit there! Let me know about it: MaxwellJack@live.com