Tag Archives: Mike Tyson

Blyleven elected to prestigious group

13 Jan

blyfartx.jpgTucked away deep in our corporate file cabinet is the official list of athletes we deem cool enough to hang out with. And after hearing Bert “Be Home” Blyleven’s interview with Mike & Mike on ESPN Radio this morning, the former Twins hurler has just been added to that prestigious listing (the shirt he’s wearing in this photo didn’t hurt, either). When asked how he felt about not being elected to the Hall of Fame (again), he replied, “I think it’s a bunch of crap!

Gotta love a guy who pulls no punches and tells it like it is. His honesty is a refreshing reminder that these athletes are people, too. Hey Bert, any time you wanna go get a beer, just let us know.

Here’s the aforementioned official list of athletes we want to hang out with. The only requirement we have is that he must be alive. (Because who wants to hang out with a dead guy?) Although, you’ll see that we are pretty flexible on that requirement:

No. 20: Bill Walton
Unfortunately, as we grow older, we’re forced to act like adults, which means less “recreational activity” and more showing up to work on time. Bill, on the other hand, laughs at this notion. Plus, if we hang out, maybe he’ll let us borrow one of his Grateful Dead tie-dye T-shirts.

No. 19: Bert Blyleven
The above intro to this post says it all. Plus, how great is that nickname? Bert “Be Home” Blyleven… love it.

No. 18 (tie): Dick Pole, Jack Glasscock
Because you should always surround yourself with people that others would make fun of… takes the target off of you. For those not in the know, Pole played for the Red Sox and Mariners during the 1970s; Glasscock played for many teams including the Giants and Pirates. He is also the only deceased member of the list. With a name like Glasscock, we think he gets special dispensation.

No. 17: Walt “Clyde” Frazier
We’re not really into girly poetry, but when
Clyde opens his mouth, the soothing sounds of his rhymes make us smile,
especially in those Just For Men commercials. Plus, we really want a
friend who will tell us “your beard is weird” or “your ‘stache is trash.” It’s always better to hear those things from your friends than the girl you are trying to pick up.

No. 16: Keith Hernandez
willing to announce a baseball game while sucking a lollipop and wearing a fur coat is OK in
our book. Plus, we’re pretty envious of that mustache, even if it’s
been chemically enhanced.

No. 15: John Daly
We have so much in common already. We both love beer and buffalo wings at Hooter’s. This friendship is a no-brainer.

No. 14: Plaxico Burress
If he’s willing to take a bullet for absolutely no reason at all, imagine what he would do for a friend in need.

No. 13: Nolan Ryan
Our mouths tend to get us into a lot of trouble. At least if we were to be side-by-side with ol’ Nolan at the bar, however, we would know that he would kick the butt of anybody that would mess with us. Just ask Robin Ventura.

No. 12: Tom Brady
Because even if we ended up with his wingman’s wingman’s rejects we would be hanging out with the hottest girls we ever laid eyes on.

No. 11: Bo Jackson
We know that it’s not the 1980s anymore, but everybody still wants to “know Bo,” don’t they? Plus, anybody who can make a defense look this dumb will never go out of style.

No. 10: Reggie Bush
The truth is that we would only want to hang out with Reggie if we could also hang with Kim Kardashian and her lovely frame. Is that so bad?

No. 9: Bucky Dent
As a rule of thumb, anybody who get’s the term “F’n” added to their name is cool in our book.

No. 8: David Wells
See John Daly.

No. 7: Bob Uecker
Between the Miller Lite commercials and his drunken ramblings in the movie Major League, we’re inclined to think “Mr. Baseball” likes to enjoy a few adult beverages. Hey, we do too. Maybe we should do it together.

No. 6: The Miz
This current WWE wrestler (and former Real World cast member) might just be the coolest man to walk the planet. The dude not only parties at the Playboy Mansion, but also dates many of the beauties inside Hef’s magazine. He has reportedly been linked to Trishelle Cannatella and Maria Kanellis, among others. With a resume like this, you would think he could spare some of his riches.

No. 5: Joba Chamberlain
OK, the truth is that we only want to hang out with Joba so that he has a safe ride home after enjoying a few beers. As Yankees fans, we need him on the mound in ’09.

No. 4: Marko Jaric
We’re thinking that as the winner of the 2008 Out-Kicked His Coverage Championship, Marko could give us some tips on overcoming our ugliness to score with the ladies.

No. 3: Jason Giambi
The former Yankees first baseman has everything you should look for in a friend. A mustache, tattoos you’ve always been afraid of getting, an honest quality and he’s willing to share his thong.

No. 2: Peyton Manning
While this may not be a popular opinion with the masses (largely because he sounds like he has marbles in his mouth when he talks), the truth is this dude is flat-out funny. We like a guy who could make us laugh. We also like long walks on the beach… oh wait, wrong web site.

No. 1: Joe Namath
Because we want to kiss Suzy Kolber, too.

On the flip side, here are some athletes that have made our “Do Not Hang Out With” list. We really think these names don’t need any explanation. But just in case, we offered a few:

  • Tony Romo
  • Eli Manning: Not nearly as cool as his brother.
  • Curt Schilling
  • Jason Williams: Any of them
  • Isaiah Thomas
  • Dwyane
    Wade: If he was in our “five”, we would expect a ride from him after a
    long night of drinking. Apparently, he’s not good for that. Just ask

  • Sean Avery
  • Eddy Curry: We’re not into that. Not that there’s anything against it.
  • Tiger Woods: But we’ll play his video games.
  • O.J. Simpson
  • Alonzo Morrning: Can’t trust him, even if you were there for him when he was down.
  • Michael Phelps
  • Mike Tyson: We’d be afraid for our ears if he were to get hungry (like Bo Jackson, that joke never gets old).

Say cheese: Sports greatest mug shots

31 Dec

Leave it to Charles Barkley to liven up an otherwise slow news day. In celebration of Sir Charles’ stupidity, we have compiled the Top 10 greatest mug shots in the history of sports.


10irvin.jpgIn 2005, the former Dallas Cowboy wider receiver was arrested in Texas and charged with misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia. The arrest didn’t surprise many, but his reaction did. Who smiles that big after getting arrested? He probably thinks he gets to keep that bright orange shirt to go with the rest of his ridiculous wardrobe.


09andre.jpgWrestling legend Andre the Giant was arrested in 1989 for having the world’s worst sideburns. No sir, but after looking at this photo it’s kinda believable. In reality, he was snagged for assaulting a TV cameraman.


08donking.jpgOK, so these mug shots of the world’s most annoying boxing promoter aren’t that crazy. We were just surprised to see him with an acceptable head of hair. To be honest, we thought he was born with that birds’ nest on his head.


07deion.jpgFinally, somebody more excited to get arrested than Michael Irvin. The best part is the reason why he got arrested – no, it wasn’t possession of marijuana (as his eyes suggest). He was arrested to fishing on a lake owned by the Southwest Florida International Airport.


06daly.jpgAn instant classic – just a few short months ago, the perpetually-drunk golfer was arrested for having a few too many adult beverages at Hooter’s. At least his shirt now matches the waitress’ shorts.


05pippen.jpgNo, this isn’t Scottie’s ninth grade yearbook photo. It’s the mugshot he took after being arrested in 1999 for drunk driving. If you ask us, it looks like the Houston police department had a few too many pops too. How hard is it to straighten out that sign?


04moss.jpgWe’re not 100 percent sure, but we think the footballer got picked up for attacking the man who stole his lips.


03bigshow.jpgIn 1998, the wrestling star known as The Big Show was arrested for exposing his “little show” to a female hotel worker in Memphis. Would it have killed him to open his eyes for the photo?


02_tyson06.jpgWith all the arrests on “Iron” Mike’s record you would think he would have the art of the mug shot down pat. Apparently, he doesn’t. After being arrested for drunk driving, drug possession and driving into a cop car, the former boxing great had a little trouble keeping his tongue in his mouth for this shot. Hey, it’s a tough concept.


01_ojmug.jpgWas there really any doubt that O.J. would be No. 1? Enjoy the rest of your life behind bars, Juice.

For more great mug shots, head over to TheSmokingGun.com.

Not So Iron Mike Tyson explodes

17 Dec

It seems like only yesterday that a chiseled “Iron” Mike Tyson sat atop the boxing world. Now, it looks like he ate the boxing world. Had it not been for his hideous face tattoo, the porker would’ve been unrecognizable at Sunday’s Sixth Annual Video Game Awards. Perhaps he munched on a few too many ears over Thanksgiving.


And of course, no Mike Tyson post would be complete without a totally random clip from Mike Tyson’s Punch Out:

Imagine this Turkey Day dinner conversation…

27 Nov

We were sitting here thinking, since we have no lives and work through the holidays, about what the conversation would be like if loudmouth former NFL receiver Keyshawn Johnson, flesh-bitin’ has-been Mike Tyson, drunken mess Courtney Love and overall BAMF Ray Lewis ate Thankgiving dinner together?

 We’re willing to bet that the
phrases below would be uttered at least once during the meal…






Who else can you picture at this dinner table, and what would they have to say? Leave us a comment or email us here: themax_blog@ymail.com

Bad ideas with ink

16 Oct

steph.jpgAdmittedly, the Stephon Marbury head tattoo story broke a few months ago. But we didn’t see such a rush to jump on it. What’s the hurry anyway? Tattoos are forever. It’s not like the darn thing is gonna get up and walk away. Anyway, the stories we saw about the ink largely revolved around what a great marketing idea it was. We see it a little differently. In a word, the tattoo is: Dumb! Here’s a look at some other athletic ink that makes us scratch our collective head.






oster.jpgGreg Ostertag
At a towering 7-foot-2, the former Utah Jazz Center should be as intimidating as they come. Just don’t look at his right leg. Ohhh, you looked!?! Yeah, that’s a cartoon character. Even worse, it’s Fred Flintsone (he may have gotten away with it if it was The Incredible Hulk or something like that).

Anyway, what the heck is Freddy doing with a basketball? Shouldn’t he be playing less hoops and concentrating more on inventing brakes for his car. His heels must be killing him by now.

 Yabba Dabba Dumb!




andrebrown.jpgAndre Brown
We’re not quite sure what it says, but we’re tempted to do a book report on it once we find the time to read it. Nobody has been able to tell us the motivation behind this “artwork,” however, we’re guessing Andre went to the head one too many times without a newspaper. With his new tattoo, he won’t ever have to worry about having nothing to read again.







redskins.jpgRedskins fan
This unknown (probably for the best) Redskins fan has every Hall of Fame member of his favorite NFL team permanently inked to his back. Umm, who’s gonna tell him he looks dumb?

Furthermore, what if somebody from the current roster gets inducted? Or even worse, what if several more get inducted? Where do they go? On his butt? Do you really want a guy’s name tattooed on your rear end? Way to go, guy. Next time, call us. We’ll talk you through it.






miller.jpgBrad Miller
Man, we thought Ostertag’s tat was bad. But this one is plain childish. By the looks of this photo, though, it looks like kids might be his key demographic. Isn’t it great how the young girl already has the “I’m annoyed with you” look down? She’ll make a great wife one day.









Question: How do you ugly up a pretty girl?

Answer: You put a huge, demonic tattoo on her shoulder.

It’s truly unfortunate. This former WWE diva had an amazing build and great smile. We just can’t get past the tattoo. Rumor has it she added on a few more since her WWE days. We didn’t feel compelled to find photos, though. We prefer to remember her as only slightly tainted.







Davydova.jpgAnastasia Davydova
Russian synchronized swimmer Anastasia Davydova really loves butterflies… oh forget it. We don’t have anything witty to say. We just wanted to post this photo (for obvious reasons).









denny.jpgDenny Neagle
We don’t know what’s funnier – Denny Neagle’s tough-guy, shirtless look? Or his tattoo? If we were forced to answer, we would say the tattoo. Mainly because we have no idea what it is. Our best guess is that the big ball is probably where he wanted his pitches to go. The smaller balls are where they actually went. There has to be some reason for his 5.81 ERA in the Bronx.








deron.jpgDeron Williams
The basketball tattoo – one of our all-time favorites. Experts (us) say there are more NBA players with a ball inked to their body than not. We just chose to pick on Williams in this case (because he was the first one we saw).

So why do you think these guys feel compelled to get this tattoo? Is it because they are proud to be playing basketball for a living? Well, I always wanted to write a blog for a living. You don’t see a keyboard permanently inked on my arm. My uncle was a mailman. He never had a stamp tattooed to his shoulder.





Duvendeck.jpgAdam Duvendeck
Who? Yeah, exactly. Adam Duvendeck is an American cyclist who has already been forgotten by the few people that knew who he was. At least he has this cool tattoo to remind him that he was once mildly recognizable. It’s just too bad he can’t see it (and we can).









kobe.jpgKobe Bryant
We actually don’t think tattooing his wife’s name on his arm is such a bad idea. Apparently, he needs constant reminders that he is, in fact, in a monogamous relationship.









tyson.jpgMike Tyson
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