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Haters take note: The Yankees are, in fact, tightening their wallets

18 Dec

We’ve had enough! Every time we turn around, there’s somebody bashing the Yankees for spending money like it’s growing on trees. Sure these people have every right to voice their opinions, but the truth is they are dead wrong. In fact, the Yankees appear to be more worried about the bottom line than any other team in baseball, including the Twins, Padres and Royals.

You need proof? The Max has learned that CC’s gigantic contract is not just for toeing the rubber every five days. In fact, it’s written into the agreement that the big man must also help in the building of the new Yankee Stadium:

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Here’s a photo of the new Yankees ace as he prepares to put the bench in place in the new dugout. After that, he went on to finalize the electrical work for the new scoreboard and install the fryers in the left field food court.

So there you have it, Yankees haters. Turns out the Bombers are more fiscally responsible than you thought.

Pac-Man to play for Cowboys on Saturday

18 Dec

What? Were you expecting Adam “Pacman” Jones or something? Nah, the Cowboys are through with that guy (not really: story here), and in his place they’ve enlisted another Pac-Man — THE Pac-Man.

The Cowboys organization are ironing out the details and trying to decide how many of those power pellets it will take for the video-game crusader to suit up for the remainder of the season. The biggest hang up being encountered has been finding a helmet to squeeze over the perfect sphere that is Pac-Man’s enormous, bowling ball head. 
No word on why Pac-Man has decided to put the Cowboys’ star on his cheek. We found that a little weird, and we’re also not sure what position he’ll be playing. We’re thinking wedge breaker on kickoffs is a shoo-in (or in President Bush’s case, a shoe-in).
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Not So Iron Mike Tyson explodes

17 Dec

It seems like only yesterday that a chiseled “Iron” Mike Tyson sat atop the boxing world. Now, it looks like he ate the boxing world. Had it not been for his hideous face tattoo, the porker would’ve been unrecognizable at Sunday’s Sixth Annual Video Game Awards. Perhaps he munched on a few too many ears over Thanksgiving.

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And of course, no Mike Tyson post would be complete without a totally random clip from Mike Tyson’s Punch Out:

Look out Ocho Cinco, here comes Stylez

17 Dec

stiles_121708.jpgTurns out the man formerly known as Chad Johnson (who now gets mail as Chad Ocho Cinco) isn’t the only NFLer who felt the need to switch up his birth name.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers defensive end Greg White will from now on show up on his opponent’s scouting reports as Stylez G. White. The inspiration for “Stylez” came from a character in the 1985 flick “Teen Wolf,” where actor Jerry Levin played Rupert “Stiles” Stilinski.

The switch in spelling from “Stiles” to “Stylez” was a decision White made to “fit his personality.”

The Max applauds White’s decision, but we feel that people should know the other two names that Stylez was torn between:

First runner-up: Spicoli G. White
Jeff Spicoli appeared in the 1982 classic “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.” Although the film was filled with memorable characters (Who could forget Mr. Hand, Mark Ratner or Mike Damone?), Spicoli and his friends somehow always stuck out to diehard fans. Who knows, maybe the man who used to go by Greg thought Spicoli was “totally awesome!”


spicolli_121708.jpgSecond runner-up: Doc. Brown G. White

Great Scott! “Doc” Brown invented the flux capicator that appeared in the “Back to the Future” movies. For those who don’t know, the fulx capicator is what makes time travel possible. Sure, Doc is absent-minded sometimes, but it’s been rumored that Stylez sometimes forgets plays at D-end, so it would have been a perfect fit.
 
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What other characters do you think were on White’s radar?

Kimbo Slice is not getting any smarter

16 Dec

Apparently, Kimbo Slice wasn’t paying much attention during geography class. In this video, KS expresses his love for the city of Japan. We also hear his favorite color is four.

News items you may have missed

16 Dec

The Max knows that you’ve been busy getting ready for the holidays. So we’ve gathered these news items from around the sports world into one place for your convenience. You’re welcome.

Pittsburgh Steelers wider receiver Santonio Holmes reveals crush on teammate Casey Hampton.
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The Wizards played a game.
(Normally, this wouldn’t be news, but judging from the empty seats, we figured nobody actually saw the game)1wiz.jpg

Tom Arnold is apparently still considered a celebrity, as evidenced by his courtside seats at a recent Lakers game.


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Bradley Center hot dogs send Bucks coach Scott Skiles to the bathroom during the fourth quarter of Saturday’s win over the Pacers.1skiles.jpgRon Artest loves The Max this much.
So do these guys.

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