Archive | December, 2008

Nobody needs to worry about Rod Marinelli

29 Dec

rodmarinellibiggestloser.jpgLike the Jets’ Eric Mangini and the Browns’ Romeo Crennel, Lions coach Rod Marinelli got a pink slip tacked onto his office door as a bleated holiday gift after one measly 0-16 season.  We get ousting Mangini. We also get axing Crennel. But Marinelli? Man, this one was out of the blue. This is the season for giving and all, but we didn’t think that meant giving a perfectly halfway-decent coach a one-way ticket to the NFL’s unemployment line. 


True story: When the news broke about Marinelli, someone here at The Max shed a few tears (my brother, Jack). But all fears — and tears — were set aside when we came across this ad for Nogaine and realized that the ex-coach found himself another job…


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What is Nogaine? Good question. It’s a product that serves as the opposite of Rogaine — it helps hair fall out quicker. And who better to hawk a product that promotes losing than the biggest loser in NFL history, Rod Marinelli!

Philling in for Pettitte?

28 Dec
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Recent rumors surrounding the Yankees 2009 pitching rotation claim that Brian Cashman is leaning towards giving Phil Hughes the No. 5 spot, instead of signing lefty veteran Andy Pettitte.

While we know that Cash isn’t a loyal reader of The Max, we’re assuming that somebody reading this knows somebody who knows somebody who might come in contact with the Yankees GM. If you are that person, please give Cashman these very important statistics: 
In 2008, Pettitte had 14 wins.
Also in 2008, you (yes, you the person reading this entry) tied Phil Hughes with the number of wins… ZERO. Here’s a list of some other notables that had just as many wins as Hughes. If you’re wondering, the goal of this exercise is to point out that Pettitte should be taking the mound at the new Stadium, not Hughes:
Tom Brady
Elmo
Ian Kennedy
Your mom
Marley from Marley & Me
Tony Romo’s likeability
Val Venis
Note: The above names also had 4 less losses than Hughes.

Just when you thought you couldnt hate Tom Brady any more

27 Dec

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First he wins a boatload of Super Bowls, then he gets engaged to one of the planet’s hottest living beings. We can’t hate Tom Brady enough.
By the way, we’re not above rooting for another season-ending injury in 2009. Go Matt Cassel!

Favre to retire?

26 Dec
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Before the Jets even take the field for their final regualr season game this Sunday, the New York media has already began to speculate if Brett Favre will retire (again) after the game. 

At the risk of sounding naive, The Max actually thought the legendary QB already hung up his cleats. After all, there is no way an active NFL quarterback could record the following numbers and still have his job, is there? Here’s a look at his unimpressive December:

Brett Favre G Att Comp Pct Yds Avg Lng TD Int 1st 1st% 20+ Sck SckY Rate
December 3 92 55 59.8 531 5.8 30 1 5 26 28.3 9 7 51 56.9

Dear Red Sox fans,

23 Dec

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Want to see how badly The Maxs Rob Parker interview could have gone?

23 Dec
By calling The Max, Rob Parker did more than highlight some of our shortcomings (insert an inappropriate joke here), he had us ponder just how badly that interview could have spun out of control had he held a different temperament, like, say, that of a professional athlete. 
There have been some bad interviews conducted in the past, and here at The Max we usually like to refer to those as our job interviews. But for the poor sports interviews, there’s YouTube, which provides hours of enjoyment by catching lots and lots of screwed up interviews on video for everyone’s viewing pleasure.
Editor’s Note: If you watch one video, please let it be the second or third video down. If you watch two, why don’t you just watch all four?
Here is a 3 minute rundown of bad interview endings. The video is good, trust us.



This is an 11-second interview with a Halloween joke that goes terribly wrong…
http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docid=-4806937880659756938&hl=en&fs=true



Um…what’d he say? Seriously, can anyone translate this 13-second interview:


Here is former WWE Superstar (or ‘rassler) Lex Lugar botching a promo for some no-name wrestling organization. (Runtime: 1:12)

Rob Parker continues insulting spree

22 Dec

robparker.jpgLess than 24 hours after insulting Detroit Lions head coach Rod Marinelli by asking if he wished his daughter had married “a better defensive coordinator,” Detroit News’ Rob Parker continued his spree of insulting remarks when he called The Max’s world headquarters in Dix Hills, New York.

After getting me (Jeff Maxwell) on the phone, Parker was so bold as to ask if I wished my mother gave birth to a better sports blogger, referring to my brother Jack’s lousy posts of late. Much to Parker’s surprise, though, I answered “yes.” I mean come on, Jack’s posts are totally holding The Max back. Just check out some of his not-so-greatest hits:

  • Post: The Yanks are tightening their wallet. Comment: So just because CC is wearing a construction helmet, it means he is building the stadium? I guess the joke was the part about the fryer. Not so good, bro. You’re better than that.
  • Post: Royals sign young righty. Comment: Hey, Jack. Every single web site in the world made that joke. The only difference is that yours was made about 24 hours after theirs. This isn’t a newspaper; you gotta post those things faster.
  • Post: Fake athlete names. Comment: Who does a Top 8 list? Don’t people either do Top 10 or Top 5… you know, a nice round number?
  • Post: Notre Dame cheerleaders. Comment: I see where he was going here… He just wanted to show the pretty girls. Too bad Notre Dame doesn’t have any, though. Ouch!
  • Post: Baseball awards. Comment: The CTRL + Z Award? Really? I’d like to hit CTRL + Z on asking him to be a part of this blog.
  • Post: Dumbest sports team names. Comment: At least this time he rounded it out to 10 items. Way to spend the extra two minutes to make the post worth reading.