Tag Archives: NBA

One Shoe to Rule Them All

8 Feb

Here’s the scenario: You are a pro basketball player, and you are a baller. You were the first player to successfully do a front-flip dunk from the foul line during a game. LeBron told the press that he’s afraid to matchup against you one-on-one. You’ve won lots of trophies and even more NBA accolades. But you’re missing a signature shoe line! So now you have to pick one of these:

davidrobinsonshoes.jpg

Nike Air Force 180 Pump — 1992

David Robinson sported these kicks during the 1992 season. The Admiral loved his high tops almost as much as he loved jacking up his game shorts so they’d hang at mid-thigh.

jordan_11.jpg
Air Jordan XI — 1995

Perhaps the most popular shoe of all-time, the Air Jordan XI represent b-ball shoe perfection to some. To critics, they look like space boots.
Lebron_James_Zoom_II.jpg
LeBron James Zoom Soldier II — 2008

Let’s face it: LeBron could wear blocks of concrete on his feet and they’d be top-sellers at the shoe store. However, these aren’t that awful looking, really. But do you want to wear the shoes of a guy that’s scared to guard you? That’s something to consider.

shaq.jpg
Shaqnosis — 1992
Careful, don’t stare at these too long or you might get vertigo. 
They did put consumers in a trance, as these Reebok’s sold well and certainly were a memorable design. 
larryjohnsonshoes.jpg

Converse Aero Jam — 1993
Remember when people would say “LJ” and mean former Hornets and Knicks forward Larry Johnson, not LeBron?
These Converse had the React juice, which was apparently so popular and legit that these days it’s mentioned about as much as Johnson’s alter ego — Grandmama.
kb8shoes.jpg
adidas KB8 — 1999

Notice how we separated Kobe’s shoes from Shaq’s? We’re on top of stuff like that. 
At first glance, the shoe look big and bulky. But after a second look, it looks, well, big and bulky. They would never work today, since the KB24 doesn’t have the same ring as KB8.
aishoes.jpg
Reebok Question — 1996

Practice? These sneakers are gamers, and we’re sitting here talking about … practice. Allen Iverson — then a member of the 76ers — was the inspiration behind one of Reebok’s most popular models in history.

Which shoes do you pick and why? 

Keep HORSE-ing around

5 Feb

horse.jpgIn its continued attempt to make the All-Star game as ridiculous as possible, the NBA has added H-O-R-S-E to the annual festivities. No really, they did.

What’s worse is that the decision came after months of careful evaluation. According to reports, H-O-R-S-E was selected by a special committee that apparently researched hundreds of other options. From what we are hearing, here are some of the other games that almost made the cut and the reasoning why they failed to be included:

  • Marco Polo: Bringing an Olympic-sized pool into the arena was not a problem. The committee feared the sight of Brian Scalabrine in a Speedo more (Yes, that may be the first time ever that Scalabrine and the term All-Star were used in the same story).
  • Spin the Bottle: This one actually made it to the final two. The thought of Kobe and Shaq finally kissing and making up was a real draw for the committee. In the end, though, officials feared the continued lovefest for LeBron would be too overwhelming.
  • Tic Tac Toe: Coaches apparently protested that their players were confused enough by the X’s and O’s of basketball. According to them, throwing this at the players would turn their minds to mush.
  • Tiddlywinks: When the idea of this game was brought to a players’ focus group, the term “tiddlywinks” was always followed up by giggles and immature college humor… we’ll just leave it at that.
  • Hungry, Hungry Hippos: The threat of Shaq confusing this contest for an all-you-can-eat buffet eventually swayed the decision makers away.
  • Shuttlecocks: See Tiddlywinks.
  • Rock, Paper, Scissors: Apparently, the sales for real scissors skyrocketed when the idea of this game being added to the All-Star game leaked. The players just couldn’t grasp the idea of playing without real rocks or scissors. Ron Artest is still combing his backyard for baseball-sized rocks.
  • Dodgeball: Without Vince Vaughn, the game is just not that fun!

The port-o-potty debate continues

4 Feb

pee.jpgAfter a somewhat embarrassing moment on the court last week, Chris Paul of the New Orleans Hornets has reportedly started a campaign to have port-o-potties installed at courtside.

According to reports, courtside towel boys are planning on challenging the campaign in an attempt to increase job security.

Whos the worst of the worst?

19 Jan

cavs23mvp.jpgThe normally egotistical Kobe Bryant recently stated that he thinks LeBron James is the NBA MVP so far this season. A couple things come to mind immediately:

1. Duh.

2. We obviously agree; but more importantly, we want to know who would be crowned the NBA’s anti-Lebron James. If Lebron is THE best of the best, who is the worst of the worst? We know the LVP (Least Valuable Player) award has never been actually handed out. But that doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be. Luckily, The Max is here to formally award the crown of LVP to one very deserving NBA “star.” But before we do that, here are some of the runners-up:

  • Eddy Curry (NY Knicks): Despite clocking only three minutes of playing time this season, Chubs is cashing a check worth more than $9.5 million. We’re not so good with the math, but we do know that’s a lot of coin per minute. Have a salad, by the way.
  • Jerome James (NY Knicks): $6.2 million this year to play in two games… that’s it, two games. Adding to his uselessness, James reportedly suffered some sort of girly injury on Sunday that will keep him out for the rest of the season. Not for nothin’, but wasn’t he out for the rest of the season anyway?
  • Danilo Gallinari (NY Knicks): Who thought drafting this piason 6th overall was a good idea? If you’re keeping score at home, he’s getting more than $2.8 million this season and he’s only played three games.

Are you seeing a pattern here? Yes, they are all members of the Knicks. And no, we are not being biased. Taking everything into account, the above three names are legitimately three of the least valuable players in the NBA.

But there can only be one LVP. And the winner is:

lvp.jpgOnly in America can you get paid more than $28 million to do absolutely nothing. Congrats, Steph.

Please stop talking, Reggie Miller

15 Jan

reggie.jpg Not that The Max would ever misunderestimate Barack Obama’s talents on anything, but when Reggie Miller recently told CNN he believes Obama’s basketball skills may offer clues to his style of leadership, we had to slap Miller with a technical.

C’mon Reg, seriously? Someone here at The Max had a roommate in college who was a a local legend when it came to playing Madden football on the PlayStation 2, but that didn’t mean the couch potato was capable of leading the University’s football team to victory in the NCAA title game. (Another Max reporter’s ex-roommate was also a pro at Grand Theft Auto, yet he never hot-wired a car in his life. Go figure.)

Miller also said he wouldn’t mind “picking [Obama] up on my squad” in a pickup game.

Well, that we agree with. The general rule of thumb is as follows: If the most powerful guy in the land wants to play, you put him on your team, and you let him shoot from halfcourt if he wants to. Even if Obama said he planned to shoot with his feet and dribble with his elbows, you still put him in your starting five.

But Miller had more to say: “[Obama] makes sure that everyone gets involved, and that’s the kind of point guard I want. Those are guys like Magic Johnson, Mark Jackson, John Stockton, it’s not all about them; it’s about let’s
make sure our team is good. He’s going to get the ball to everyone.”

Whoa boy. We get that Miller is trying to relate Obama to some greats people will know, but even mentioning Obama’s b-ball skills in the same sentence as Magic or Stockton is like saying the goalie in this video has a shot at making varsity.

Tirico Suave: Eddy Curry is not thin

18 Dec

TiricoSuave.com posted this a while ago. But seeing as Eddy “Kamala” Curry is not getting any thinner, coupled with the success of our Mike Tyson post and the fact that we laughed out loud when we saw this photo, we decided to share it with you. Check out TiricoSuave.com’s other amusing photos here.

kamalacurry.jpg

Here are some more porkers. It wasn’t until just now that we realized our obsession with fat athletes.