Archive | November, 2008

Surfing the Web

14 Nov

It’s Friday, and you know what that means – stop being so productive at work and surf the web. Here are some links that might help you get started:

The Hockey Hall of Fame ceremony was held at, none other than, Steve’s place. (The Onion)

Gilbert Arenas believes in change. Don’t believe him? Shake his hand. (Intentional Foul)

The TV Sports Theme Song Quiz will have you scratching your head. (Mental Floss)

The Blazers Dancers have gotten new outfits. Truth is that we really don’t care. But the fact that they are new means that it’s news and gives us the opportunity to link to some beautiful babies, as Vince Vaughn would say in Swingers. (Blaze of Love)

NBA jerseys: There’s been some bad ones over the past 10 years. (Bad Jerseys)

YouTube Video of the Day
Ok, so it’s really from ESPN. But we can’t give up our awesome branding of “YouTube Video of the Day,” especially since its been in existence since, like, October. Thanks to the YES web guy for sending us this link.

http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/player.swf?mediaId=3695015

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Falcons Jackson sues manufacturer of diet pill

12 Nov

Atlanta Falcons nose tackle Grady Jackson has filed a lawsuit against diet pill manufacturer Nikki Harrell’s StarCaps. The pills, which contain Bumentanide, a diuretic prohibited by the NFL, led to Jackson’s four-game suspension from the league.

Personally, The Max wouldn’t eat a Nikki Harrell StarCap just like we wouldn’t buy an automobile from Sketchy Pete’s Car Stash. Apparently Jackson has different standards for what he’ll put into his body.

Regardless of what kind of rat poison this pill turned out to be, Jackson sill has a case here, it’s just his angle is all wrong. For a guaranteed win in court, he needs only to present the photo below to demonstrate that StarCrap’s pills are as useless as a football team in Detroit. Here is an excerpt from our fictional court date with Jackson and his lawyer:

Jackson’s Lawyer: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the old saying goes that the proof is in the pudding. The thing is, when Mr. Jackson is at the dinner table — even after eating StarCap diet pills — there is no pudding left. Just as there is no cake, cookies or pastries left. My only evidence would be the Exhibit A. If those pills are working, it has a flawless way of not showing it. We rest our case.”

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Drop us an email because you’re as bored as we are: themax_blog@ymail.com

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2008 Out-Kicked His Coverage Championship

12 Nov

Face it, you get a little heated ever time you see a below-average-looking athlete walking around with a supermodel on his arm. It’s ok, we do too. But don’t get mad at the athlete just because he “out-kicked his coverage.” The truth is you should be congratulating him for taking advantage of his status. And that’s exactly what we will be doing here, as we look to crown the first-ever Out-Kicked His Coverage Champion.

Everyday, we’ll pit two athletes up against each other, and you’ll have the opportunity to vote on which man you think has taken advantage of his celebrity status the most. To clarify, you’re not voting for the most attractive woman. You’re choosing the guy who would not be with that girl if he wasn’t an athlete. So for example, Tom Brady really shouldn’t make it out of the first round because he’s a damn good looking guy (that’s right, we said it), and could probably date anybody he wants. Tim Hasselbeck, on the other hand, well, he’d probably be dating the likes of Roseanne Barr if it wasn’t for his NFL status.

Editor’s note: Due to the controversy surrounding this competition at SI.com’s Hot Clicks, The Max has suspended the producer of this post for 15 games. Being the fan-friendly blog that we are, we will also put Marko Jaric into the competition, replacing 31 seed Mike Modano (let’s face it, he could probably score Willa Ford without his skating prowess).

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Before placing your vote, learn a little bit more about your options below. Also, be sure to print out the brackets for your office pool. And last but not least, remember:

You’re voting for the guy who would not be with that girl if he wasn’t an athlete.

THE RANKINGS
1. Quarterback Tim Hasselbeck & The View’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck
2. Some guy named Tiger Woods & super nanny Elin Nordegren
3. Quarterback Jake Plummer & former Broncos cheerleader Kollette Klassen
4. Tennis great Pete Sampras & actress Bridgette Wilson
5. Quarterback Jeff Garcia & Playmate Carmella Decesare
6. Baseball’s Scott Podsednik & Playmate Lisa Dergan
7. Baseball’s Matt Treanor & Olympian Misty May
8. Little David Eckstein & actress Ashley Drane
9. Driver Jeff Gordon & model Ingrid Vandebosch
10. “Quarterback” A.J. Feeley & soccer star Heather Mitts
11. Quarterback Tim Couch & Playmate Heather Kozar
12. Basketball’s Rony Seikaly & model Elsa Benitez
13. Figure skater David Pelletier & figure skater Jamie Sale
14. Basketball’s Peja Stojakovic & model Aleka Kamila
15. Quarterback Tony Romo & “actress”/singer Jessica Simpson
16. Baseball’s Scott Erickson & the sidelines’ Lisa Guerrero
17. Football’s Hank Baskett & Hef’s girlfriend Kendra Wilkinson
18. Basketball’s Tony Parker & Housewife Eva Longoria
19. Driver Dario Franchitti & actress Ashley Judd  
20. Hockey’s Petr Nedved & model Veronica Varekova
21. Baseball’s Kris Benson & the over-rated Anna Benson
22. Basketball’s Kobe Bryant & the trusting Vanessa Bryant 
23. Hockey’s Alexi Yashin & model Carol Alt
24. Baseball’s Casey Daigle & softball’s Jennie Finch
25. Baseball’s Mike Piazza & Playmate Alicia Rickter
26. Baseball’s Nomar Garciaparra & soccer’s Mia Hamm 
27. Tennis’ Andre Agassi & tennis’ Steffi Graf
28. Football’s Adam Archuleta & Playmate Jennifer Walcott
29. Football’s Rodney Peete & actress Holly Robinson 
30. MMA’s Tito Ortiz & some girl Jenna Jameson
31. Bench warmer (as described by one reader) Marko Jaric & model Adriana Lima
32. Quarterback Tom Brady & model Gisele Bundchen 

THE BRACKETS

 
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Kenny Rogers files for free agency

12 Nov

kennyrogers.jpgThe names Kenny and Roger are common in America, so it’s understandable that there are two grown gentlemen with the name Kenny Rogers who have free agency news that needs delivered. 

First, perhaps the more well known to this audience, is the Tigers’ 21-year veteran left-hander who has decided to test the waters in the MLB free agency pool. He was the only player to file on Tuesday, which we feel deserves a quick mention before we get into even bigger news: 

Kenny Rogers files for free agency!

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The man with silver-dollar hair and a voice built to thrill has decided to file free agency from his horrendous style of music. It’s true, we swear.
“I’m sick of making lame music,” Rogers said in a written statement. “Yeah, I’ve sold a bunch of records, but it didn’t really take any talent. I want to see what else is out there for me.” 
The Max would like to state that we hope there is nothing out there for Kenny, and that we have our fingers crossed that he will simply go away. To ensure this becomes a reality, we have started contacting people within the music industry to beg them not to show any interest in revamping and repackaging Kenny Rogers. The last thing we need is for this old buzzard’s mug to show up on TV at halftime of some sporting event doing a duet with Amy Winehouse or Kelly Osbourne.

The funny thing is, our most common reaction when we call a music executive and tell them we’re calling in reference to Kenny Rogers: 

“Man, is that dude still pitching?”  
We’ve got to be doing something right (or wrong, more likely), let us know: themax_blog@ymail.com

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Brady back to work in Patriots training room

11 Nov

Tom Brady, the most handsome quarterback on the Patriots, has returned to Foxborough much to the chagrin of New England fans. However, when word spread that Brady was back to work in the training room, people automatically assumed it had something to do with the two surgeries that have taken place on his mangled knee. However, this was not the case.

The Max’s inside source in Pats country can confirm that Brady was in Massachusetts to solicit outside opinions on something non-football related. 
“It was a pretty weird scene in [the trainer’s room],” one player noted. “I was there to get treatment on an injury, and Tom’s dressed in these high-end clothes from Target or Marshalls, and he’s flashing around this photo of him in a bunch of different outfits (see below picture). 
“He was asking, ‘Which of these do I look best in?’ For me, the oddest part was giving him an answer, because it was so obvious — it’s the middle photo! He looks like a mix between a Titanic-era Leonardo DiCaprio and Growing Pains’ Kirk Cameron in that one.”
We have not received word on which outfit/fashion statement got the best reception, but The Max is willing to bet that the anonymous player’s choice was correct. At the same time, just because we can make a non-biased choice on this does not mean that Brady should be taking these types of photos without being held at gunpoint. 
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We say we’d love to hear from you, but we really only kinda want to: themax_blog@ymail.com

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Tommy Maddox next years NFL MVP?

11 Nov

maddox.jpgAfter Kurt Warner’s 328-yard performance against the 49ers this week, many members of the New York media have already awarded the former Giants quarterback the MVP award. Ironically, the other two contenders might just be Kerry Collins and Eli Manning.

What do the three of these men have in common? They’ve all been backup quarterbacks for the G-Men at some point in their careers. When news of this reached Tommy Maddox, the former Giants QB reportedly began warming up his ol’ pigskin slinger in hopes of landing a quarterback job next season.

The only problem is, other than the Detroit Lions, no team in their right mind would employ the former backup. Why is that, you ask? No, it’s not because he’s 37 years old. The real answer is after the jump. Be sure to click the link below.

Anybody dumb enough to hold this trophy up with pride should not be looking for a new job… instead, they should be getting their head examined! Vince McMahon and football just don’t mesh. Just look at what he did for hockey.

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