Tag Archives: football

McNabb: Who knew?

18 Nov

dmac.jpgPhiladelphia Eagles fans have reason to be concerned this morning. After Sunday’s 13-13 tie against the listless Cincinnati Bengals, Donovan McNabb told reporters that he didn’t even know ties were an option in the NFL (full story). With that startling revelation, we decided to educate the veteran quarterback on a few other football rules that he may not be aware of:

  • Extra points, which occur after scoring a touchdown, count for one (1) point.
  • 6+1=7, also known as a touchdown plus extra point.
  • When it’s 1st and 10, your team needs 10 yards for a first down (new set of downs).
  • The team with the most points at the end of the game is declared the winner.
  • The Super Bowl is the championship game. Its intensity can cause a quarterback to choke under pressure… oh wait, he already knows that.

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Falcons Jackson sues manufacturer of diet pill

12 Nov

Atlanta Falcons nose tackle Grady Jackson has filed a lawsuit against diet pill manufacturer Nikki Harrell’s StarCaps. The pills, which contain Bumentanide, a diuretic prohibited by the NFL, led to Jackson’s four-game suspension from the league.

Personally, The Max wouldn’t eat a Nikki Harrell StarCap just like we wouldn’t buy an automobile from Sketchy Pete’s Car Stash. Apparently Jackson has different standards for what he’ll put into his body.

Regardless of what kind of rat poison this pill turned out to be, Jackson sill has a case here, it’s just his angle is all wrong. For a guaranteed win in court, he needs only to present the photo below to demonstrate that StarCrap’s pills are as useless as a football team in Detroit. Here is an excerpt from our fictional court date with Jackson and his lawyer:

Jackson’s Lawyer: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the old saying goes that the proof is in the pudding. The thing is, when Mr. Jackson is at the dinner table — even after eating StarCap diet pills — there is no pudding left. Just as there is no cake, cookies or pastries left. My only evidence would be the Exhibit A. If those pills are working, it has a flawless way of not showing it. We rest our case.”

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Drop us an email because you’re as bored as we are: themax_blog@ymail.com

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Brady back to work in Patriots training room

11 Nov

Tom Brady, the most handsome quarterback on the Patriots, has returned to Foxborough much to the chagrin of New England fans. However, when word spread that Brady was back to work in the training room, people automatically assumed it had something to do with the two surgeries that have taken place on his mangled knee. However, this was not the case.

The Max’s inside source in Pats country can confirm that Brady was in Massachusetts to solicit outside opinions on something non-football related. 
“It was a pretty weird scene in [the trainer’s room],” one player noted. “I was there to get treatment on an injury, and Tom’s dressed in these high-end clothes from Target or Marshalls, and he’s flashing around this photo of him in a bunch of different outfits (see below picture). 
“He was asking, ‘Which of these do I look best in?’ For me, the oddest part was giving him an answer, because it was so obvious — it’s the middle photo! He looks like a mix between a Titanic-era Leonardo DiCaprio and Growing Pains’ Kirk Cameron in that one.”
We have not received word on which outfit/fashion statement got the best reception, but The Max is willing to bet that the anonymous player’s choice was correct. At the same time, just because we can make a non-biased choice on this does not mean that Brady should be taking these types of photos without being held at gunpoint. 
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We say we’d love to hear from you, but we really only kinda want to: themax_blog@ymail.com

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Tommy Maddox next years NFL MVP?

11 Nov

maddox.jpgAfter Kurt Warner’s 328-yard performance against the 49ers this week, many members of the New York media have already awarded the former Giants quarterback the MVP award. Ironically, the other two contenders might just be Kerry Collins and Eli Manning.

What do the three of these men have in common? They’ve all been backup quarterbacks for the G-Men at some point in their careers. When news of this reached Tommy Maddox, the former Giants QB reportedly began warming up his ol’ pigskin slinger in hopes of landing a quarterback job next season.

The only problem is, other than the Detroit Lions, no team in their right mind would employ the former backup. Why is that, you ask? No, it’s not because he’s 37 years old. The real answer is after the jump. Be sure to click the link below.

Anybody dumb enough to hold this trophy up with pride should not be looking for a new job… instead, they should be getting their head examined! Vince McMahon and football just don’t mesh. Just look at what he did for hockey.

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8-bit insanity Lions defense?

10 Nov
This 99-yard run is incredible. It’s amazing. It’s insane. It’s unbelievable! And it’s all caught on Nintendo’s eye-pleasing 8-bit graphics. And while you may watch this clip in total disbelief, we urge you not to be as surprised when Panthers running back DeAngelo Williams does the same thing to the Detroit Lions “defense” this coming Sunday (yes, the Lions still have a team).
Watch the crowd go wild as Raiders running back Bo Jackson dominates the Patriots’ defense in this once-in-a-lifetime TD run. Of course, the people in the crowd going wild don’t appear to have faces, they’re all wearing plain red, blue or yellow shirts, the cheerleaders make the same robotic movements in unison on a continuous loop and the players on the field look like blobs of color and don’t have numbers on their jerseys. Yeah, we miss playing our Nintendo consoles as much as you do.
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Culpepper shines at first Lions practice

5 Nov

Detroit Lions newcomer Daunte Culpepper participated in his first practice Wednesday, and early reports from the Motor City have stated Culpepper, a three-time Pro Bowl selection, looked “good” and “solid” in his debut.

The Max can confirm that those reports are, in fact, true.

“I’ve never seen Daunte look so good,” one teammate said. “And I’m not even talking about his throwing arm, I’m talking about his shiny teeth! The glow from his smile was so powerful I had to put on my shades. Who knows, maybe the guy can still play football, but even if he can’t, he can still light up a room with those glossy ivories.”

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Give us an email and we promise we might look at it: themax_blog@ymail.com.

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