Tag Archives: MLB

Can these people just go away?

2 Dec

Plaxico Burress has been
everywhere lately – the TV, the newspapers, blogs, in my nightmares. And, actually, it’s not just lately, it’s
been all season. From Plax’s disregard for Giants’ team policy to
fines, suspension and finally popping a cap into his own thigh; well, we’ve
finally had enough of this guy. Granted, Burress’ bonehead moves provide
us with material on a weekly basis, but we just can’t take it any longer. The guy needs to go away.

We understand that Jared
used to be the size of a monster truck and has now shrunk to that of a Mini
Cooper. For downgrading from pants that could blanket a small village, we
commend him.

Dude, you’re insane on the court. No doubt about that. But Chuck Barkley’s right, you need to shut the hell up about your plans for 2010. Just keep scoring at will and do something we have never seen in a game like a 720 dunk from the three-point line, but please keep your yap shut about the future.

Many times, the gossip
focuses on the enormously popular and heavily political Triple H, husband to
WWE Princess Stephanie McMahon. Since inserting himself into the royal family
of pro wrestling in 2003, Mr. H has been criticized by dirt sheet “journalists” about the perks he receives from being married to WWE Chairman Vince McMahon’s
daughter. 

She’s crazy.
She’s pregnant. She’s getting divorced. She’s pregnant again. She’s shaving her head! She looks loopy on stage performing one of her formulaic pop musical ditties at some lame awards show. She’s admitted to a problem. She’s finding her inner self. She’s releasing a new record. She needs more money!

Whether or not Brit is
locked up in the loony bin doesn’t stop us from watching sports, but she still needs to take a hike. We’re asking from the bottom of our black heart’s to please keep her off of our television sets unless it’s the replay of the “Baby One
More Time.” 

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Chad Johnson or Chad Ocho Cinco

Chad: Play football. Score
touchdowns. Do your dances. Win championships, then talk as much as you want. But
you’re a Bengal, and that’s in the cat family, which associates you
the Lions. That means no talking.

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Shaq & Kobe

Shaq and Kobe don’t play on the same team anymore, and haven’t for a few years now. The bottom line is that the story is tired and the inability for the press to conjure up new material to draw readers back to their fledging magazines and newspapers highlights exactly why certain publications will be going the way of the banking and auto industries sooner rather than later.

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Barry Bonds

Whether or not Bonds will join the ranks of baseball’s elite is yet to be determined, and if he does, then a whole new crop of arguments can surface (or the same ones repackaged). Now it’s up to the league and those who make those types of choices to decide, so hopefully the rest of us can move on and find someone else to devote our time too. Stories about Bonds are all old hat, and since that hat belongs to Bonds, it means the stories have been stretched very thin to keep pace with his ever-growing bulbous melon. 

Kenny Rogers files for free agency

12 Nov

kennyrogers.jpgThe names Kenny and Roger are common in America, so it’s understandable that there are two grown gentlemen with the name Kenny Rogers who have free agency news that needs delivered. 

First, perhaps the more well known to this audience, is the Tigers’ 21-year veteran left-hander who has decided to test the waters in the MLB free agency pool. He was the only player to file on Tuesday, which we feel deserves a quick mention before we get into even bigger news: 

Kenny Rogers files for free agency!

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The man with silver-dollar hair and a voice built to thrill has decided to file free agency from his horrendous style of music. It’s true, we swear.
“I’m sick of making lame music,” Rogers said in a written statement. “Yeah, I’ve sold a bunch of records, but it didn’t really take any talent. I want to see what else is out there for me.” 
The Max would like to state that we hope there is nothing out there for Kenny, and that we have our fingers crossed that he will simply go away. To ensure this becomes a reality, we have started contacting people within the music industry to beg them not to show any interest in revamping and repackaging Kenny Rogers. The last thing we need is for this old buzzard’s mug to show up on TV at halftime of some sporting event doing a duet with Amy Winehouse or Kelly Osbourne.

The funny thing is, our most common reaction when we call a music executive and tell them we’re calling in reference to Kenny Rogers: 

“Man, is that dude still pitching?”  
We’ve got to be doing something right (or wrong, more likely), let us know: themax_blog@ymail.com

Rock, Paper, Scissors coming to baseball?

6 Nov

A late-breaking story Thursday revealed that some baseball general manager’s want Wild-Card tiebreakers to be decided by performance rather than a coin flip.

C’mon, judging by performance? This isn’t American Idol, it’s baseball. It’s America’s pastime. It’s what keeps my television occupied from May-October. It’s the sport that gives young kids a dream that they can be a World Series hero and get paid millions of dollars. (That is, until they get past the age of 13 and realize that scenario’s about as probable as the Lions getting a Super Bowl ring.)

The point is, a performance-based mode of judgment isn’t what’s needed. Instead, we need something based on skill, and there’s no better way to test someone’s skills than to challenge them to a best-of-three game of Rock, Paper Scissors. It’s quick, and ties never last.

Forgot how to play? Here is a refresher of the rules:

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To let the baseball GM’s know they’re wrong, The Max is starting a fictional online petition, and we’re putting everyone’s name on it that sends us and email to show their support. All you need to do is send an email to this address and we’ll take care of the rest: themax_blog@ymail.com

The List: Top 10 dumbest pro sports team names

6 Nov

After watching the Oklahoma City Thunder’s recent home opener, The Max editorial staff began to debate if there was a worse name in the history of pro sports. We were shocked when we came up with a lengthy list of even more embarrassing names. Here’s our Top 10:

No. 10: Houston Texans

texans.jpgTo be honest, we actually don’t mind this name all that much, largely because those rotten residents of The Lone Star State have done such a great job branding themselves as tough guys. Nolan Ryan and Stone Cold Steve Austin immediately come to mind. But naming your team after the state you reside in seems just plain boring. We should probably be glad they don’t hail from Dix Hills, New Jersey. Do you think any NFL team would be afraid to see the Dix Hills New Jerseyans on their schedule? Or how about the Stamford Connecticutians?

No. 9: Washington Wizards
Cut the garbage and go back to the Bullets. Now, there’s a name with some umph! The Wizards? Sounds like their starting five should consist of a bunch of nose-picking Dungeons & Dragons dorks. Watch out, LeBron. Here comes Merlyn the Wizard. He might zap you with his super fake wand on his way to the hoop.

No. 8 (tie): Browns, Blues and Reds

browns.jpgSounds more like fall fashions than sports teams. And yes, we understand that these squads have a great deal of history behind them and that their names were created when such stupidity was actually applauded. But that doesn’t mean they should keep their names now. We also rode around in horse and buggies back then; does that mean we should abandon our cars? Perhaps we should just be happy that there is no Mauves or Aquas out there… yet!

No. 7: Utah Jazz
Ok, we’ve never been to Utah. Nor do we plan on going there any time soon (we have a hard enough time scoring one girl at a time). But we have a funny feeling that there isn’t a ton of jazz music being played in Utah. The name made sense when they called New Orleans home. But they don’t any more, so they should change their names just like the Oklahoma Thun… oh wait, never mind. That name stinks too.

No. 6: Denver Nuggets
We suppose that this is a play off of Denver’s wildly unpopular mining population. Sounds more like something left you know where after an unsuccessful flush.

No. 5: Chicago Cubs
We know, we know. The Cubs are a classic MLB team with a classic name… blah, blah, blah. You’re wrong! The name stinks. Essentially, they are calling themselves babies. Maybe the next expansion team should go by the Puppies or the Kittens.

No. 4: Charlotte Bobcats

bobs.jpgRumor has it that team founder Robert “Bob” Johnson chose the name Bobcats after himself, Bob. Talk about egotistical. Who would ever name anything they do for a living after themselves? By the way, isn’t The Max such a great name for this blog? Signed Jack Maxwell.

No. 3: Anaheim Ducks
What are they gonna do? Quack their opposition into submission? Even worse, they were named after a kids’ movie produced by Disney. Perhaps the Anaheim Cinderellas sounded too tough for them.

No. 2: Oakland Athletics
Athletics? So in translation, they are basically calling themselves the Oakland Sports. Or the Oakland Baseball. The only thing worse would have been naming the team the Oakland Athletes. And don’t even get us started on the A’s. You don’t see the Ducks calling themselves the D’s or the Bobcats going be the B’s or even the Mariners using the M’s… well, don’t compare yourself the Mariners. When was the last time they won a title?

No. 1: San Diego Padres

pads.jpgNothing strikes fear into opposition like a bunch of balding, overweight, elderly monks. A padre is a monk, right? Oh, who cares. This is the same squad looking to rid themselves of Jake Peavy over a divorce in the front office.

 

By now, you’re probably asking yourself why the Washington Mystics of WNBA didn’t make the list. As mentioned at the beginning of this post, we chose to only focus on pro sports. Ouch!

Which team name do you think is the worst?
( surveys)

The Max goes streaking

15 Oct

Madden’s streak stops at 476

madden.jpgAfter an insane run of calling 476 NFL games as a commentator, John Madden will finally take a long-deserved rest this Sunday to spend quality time with his family.

Some of us (me) refuse to play his video game because we think his voice is annoying, but you still gotta tip your fedora to the guy for hanging in there.

So, in honor of Madden’s accomplishments, The Max has dug up some others that aren’t so commendable.

NFL Football: Tampa Bay Buccaneers

The 1976 Tampa Bay Bucs were absolutely dreadful. They lost a jaw-dropping 14 games in a row en route to a no-win season. There was but one redeeming quality about going to Bucs games back then: the concessions. No, seriously. You see, in those days corn on the cob was just a buck-an-ear. (Worst. Joke. Ever.)

artest.jpgNBA Basketball: Ron Artest

Congratulations are in order (I guess) to Ron Artest for earning the longest suspension in NBA history! Artest’s penalty included missing 73 games and losing out on a measly $4,995,000 in salary for his role in a brawl that spilled into the crowd at the end of a game between the Pacers and the Pistons in 2004.

Other suspensions stemming from that same incident:

  • Stephen Jackson     30 games
  • Jermaine O’Neal       20 games
  • Ben Wallace              6 games
  • Anthony Johnson       5  games
  • Reggie Miller              1 game
  • Chauncey Billups        1 game
  • Derrick Coleman         1 game
  • Elden Campbell          1 game

NHL Hockey: Chicago Blackhawks

The Stanley Cup belonged to the Blackhawks back in 1961 when they defeated the Detroit Red Wings… and after that there’s really not much else to say about Chicago’s winning ways. The Windy City’s hockey club has yet to reclaim the Cup since, and their drought serves as the league’s longest.

young1.jpgMLB Baseball: Anthony Young

With 27 consecutive losing decisions on your resume it’s tough to find a reference. Mets pitcher Anthony Young found that out during a span of 15 months between May 1993 and July 1993 when the right-hander couldn’t buy a win. It goes without saying, Young’s losing got old really quick.

However, today’s Mets fans might actually appreciate Young’s consistency. With “Noodle Arm” on the hill, it was pretty much a guaranteed loss. Nowadays, Mets fans actually believe in their team… until about September, that is. That’s about the time Young’s losing ways  resurface and lead to yet another Amazin’ collapse.

NBA Basketball: Sacramento Kings

With a chilling 15 consecutive losing seasons (1983-1998), the Kings were more like the jesters of the NBA. Of all people, it was Chris Webber (known as “Mr. Timeout” at his alma mater, the University of Michigan, for his bonehead play during the 1993 NCAA Tourney) that helped turn the California franchise around years later.


It’s a tie! The record for the longest losing streak in the NBA is held by two dismal teams, the 1995-96 Vancouver Grizzlies and the 1997-98 Denver Nuggets, each piling up 23 losses in a row. Not even the lowly Knicks are that bad. However, if we gave Isiah one more season, we’re willing to bet he’d figure out a way to push it to 24 in a row.

bartman.jpgMLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs

Where would any list of losers be without the Cubs? Some say the streak of missing the World Series since 1908 would have ended in 2003 if not for “The Steve Bartman Incident,” which refers to a spectator (Bartman) who attempted to catch a foul ball that would have been the third out in Game 6 of the NLCS between the Cubs and Marlins.

Bartman’s interference gave the Florida new life in the game and afterward Bartman had to be ushered from the ballpark with security protecting him. The Marlins went on to win the World Series that year, leaving the Cubs to search for another route way back to the World Series.