Bad ideas with ink

16 Oct

steph.jpgAdmittedly, the Stephon Marbury head tattoo story broke a few months ago. But we didn’t see such a rush to jump on it. What’s the hurry anyway? Tattoos are forever. It’s not like the darn thing is gonna get up and walk away. Anyway, the stories we saw about the ink largely revolved around what a great marketing idea it was. We see it a little differently. In a word, the tattoo is: Dumb! Here’s a look at some other athletic ink that makes us scratch our collective head.

 

 

 

 
 

 

oster.jpgGreg Ostertag
At a towering 7-foot-2, the former Utah Jazz Center should be as intimidating as they come. Just don’t look at his right leg. Ohhh, you looked!?! Yeah, that’s a cartoon character. Even worse, it’s Fred Flintsone (he may have gotten away with it if it was The Incredible Hulk or something like that).

Anyway, what the heck is Freddy doing with a basketball? Shouldn’t he be playing less hoops and concentrating more on inventing brakes for his car. His heels must be killing him by now.

 Yabba Dabba Dumb!

 

 

 


andrebrown.jpgAndre Brown
We’re not quite sure what it says, but we’re tempted to do a book report on it once we find the time to read it. Nobody has been able to tell us the motivation behind this “artwork,” however, we’re guessing Andre went to the head one too many times without a newspaper. With his new tattoo, he won’t ever have to worry about having nothing to read again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

redskins.jpgRedskins fan
This unknown (probably for the best) Redskins fan has every Hall of Fame member of his favorite NFL team permanently inked to his back. Umm, who’s gonna tell him he looks dumb?

Furthermore, what if somebody from the current roster gets inducted? Or even worse, what if several more get inducted? Where do they go? On his butt? Do you really want a guy’s name tattooed on your rear end? Way to go, guy. Next time, call us. We’ll talk you through it.

 

 

 

 

 

miller.jpgBrad Miller
Man, we thought Ostertag’s tat was bad. But this one is plain childish. By the looks of this photo, though, it looks like kids might be his key demographic. Isn’t it great how the young girl already has the “I’m annoyed with you” look down? She’ll make a great wife one day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

lita.jpgLita
Question: How do you ugly up a pretty girl?

Answer: You put a huge, demonic tattoo on her shoulder.

It’s truly unfortunate. This former WWE diva had an amazing build and great smile. We just can’t get past the tattoo. Rumor has it she added on a few more since her WWE days. We didn’t feel compelled to find photos, though. We prefer to remember her as only slightly tainted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Davydova.jpgAnastasia Davydova
Russian synchronized swimmer Anastasia Davydova really loves butterflies… oh forget it. We don’t have anything witty to say. We just wanted to post this photo (for obvious reasons).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


denny.jpgDenny Neagle
We don’t know what’s funnier – Denny Neagle’s tough-guy, shirtless look? Or his tattoo? If we were forced to answer, we would say the tattoo. Mainly because we have no idea what it is. Our best guess is that the big ball is probably where he wanted his pitches to go. The smaller balls are where they actually went. There has to be some reason for his 5.81 ERA in the Bronx.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


deron.jpgDeron Williams
The basketball tattoo – one of our all-time favorites. Experts (us) say there are more NBA players with a ball inked to their body than not. We just chose to pick on Williams in this case (because he was the first one we saw).

So why do you think these guys feel compelled to get this tattoo? Is it because they are proud to be playing basketball for a living? Well, I always wanted to write a blog for a living. You don’t see a keyboard permanently inked on my arm. My uncle was a mailman. He never had a stamp tattooed to his shoulder.

 

 

 

 


Duvendeck.jpgAdam Duvendeck
Who? Yeah, exactly. Adam Duvendeck is an American cyclist who has already been forgotten by the few people that knew who he was. At least he has this cool tattoo to remind him that he was once mildly recognizable. It’s just too bad he can’t see it (and we can).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


kobe.jpgKobe Bryant
We actually don’t think tattooing his wife’s name on his arm is such a bad idea. Apparently, he needs constant reminders that he is, in fact, in a monogamous relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


tyson.jpgMike Tyson
No comment

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Which tattoo is the worst?
( polls)

The Max goes streaking

15 Oct

Madden’s streak stops at 476

madden.jpgAfter an insane run of calling 476 NFL games as a commentator, John Madden will finally take a long-deserved rest this Sunday to spend quality time with his family.

Some of us (me) refuse to play his video game because we think his voice is annoying, but you still gotta tip your fedora to the guy for hanging in there.

So, in honor of Madden’s accomplishments, The Max has dug up some others that aren’t so commendable.

NFL Football: Tampa Bay Buccaneers

The 1976 Tampa Bay Bucs were absolutely dreadful. They lost a jaw-dropping 14 games in a row en route to a no-win season. There was but one redeeming quality about going to Bucs games back then: the concessions. No, seriously. You see, in those days corn on the cob was just a buck-an-ear. (Worst. Joke. Ever.)

artest.jpgNBA Basketball: Ron Artest

Congratulations are in order (I guess) to Ron Artest for earning the longest suspension in NBA history! Artest’s penalty included missing 73 games and losing out on a measly $4,995,000 in salary for his role in a brawl that spilled into the crowd at the end of a game between the Pacers and the Pistons in 2004.

Other suspensions stemming from that same incident:

  • Stephen Jackson     30 games
  • Jermaine O’Neal       20 games
  • Ben Wallace              6 games
  • Anthony Johnson       5  games
  • Reggie Miller              1 game
  • Chauncey Billups        1 game
  • Derrick Coleman         1 game
  • Elden Campbell          1 game

NHL Hockey: Chicago Blackhawks

The Stanley Cup belonged to the Blackhawks back in 1961 when they defeated the Detroit Red Wings… and after that there’s really not much else to say about Chicago’s winning ways. The Windy City’s hockey club has yet to reclaim the Cup since, and their drought serves as the league’s longest.

young1.jpgMLB Baseball: Anthony Young

With 27 consecutive losing decisions on your resume it’s tough to find a reference. Mets pitcher Anthony Young found that out during a span of 15 months between May 1993 and July 1993 when the right-hander couldn’t buy a win. It goes without saying, Young’s losing got old really quick.

However, today’s Mets fans might actually appreciate Young’s consistency. With “Noodle Arm” on the hill, it was pretty much a guaranteed loss. Nowadays, Mets fans actually believe in their team… until about September, that is. That’s about the time Young’s losing ways  resurface and lead to yet another Amazin’ collapse.

NBA Basketball: Sacramento Kings

With a chilling 15 consecutive losing seasons (1983-1998), the Kings were more like the jesters of the NBA. Of all people, it was Chris Webber (known as “Mr. Timeout” at his alma mater, the University of Michigan, for his bonehead play during the 1993 NCAA Tourney) that helped turn the California franchise around years later.


It’s a tie! The record for the longest losing streak in the NBA is held by two dismal teams, the 1995-96 Vancouver Grizzlies and the 1997-98 Denver Nuggets, each piling up 23 losses in a row. Not even the lowly Knicks are that bad. However, if we gave Isiah one more season, we’re willing to bet he’d figure out a way to push it to 24 in a row.

bartman.jpgMLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs

Where would any list of losers be without the Cubs? Some say the streak of missing the World Series since 1908 would have ended in 2003 if not for “The Steve Bartman Incident,” which refers to a spectator (Bartman) who attempted to catch a foul ball that would have been the third out in Game 6 of the NLCS between the Cubs and Marlins.

Bartman’s interference gave the Florida new life in the game and afterward Bartman had to be ushered from the ballpark with security protecting him. The Marlins went on to win the World Series that year, leaving the Cubs to search for another route way back to the World Series.


First-person view: Tampa Bay Rays

15 Oct

Using advanced technology only available to The Max, we were able to grab a still from last night’s ALCS depicting what the Tampa Bay Rays saw as they stepped to the plate against Tim Wakefield. The knuckleballer should’ve known something was wrong when there was an ump calling balls and strikes instead of a lawn chair.

wiffle.jpg

Duh moment of the day

15 Oct

 

duh.jpgNobody’s blaming Lenn Robbins for this one. Chances are he isn’t the one writing his own headlines. But somebody over at The Post really needs to be a little more creative next time. Can’t wait to see what tomorrow’s headlines are gonna read. They’ll probably look a little something like this:

  • The Earth Is Round
  • The Sky Is Blue
  • McCain Selects Palin
  • A-Rod Is Rich

By the way, the article isn’t so bad. You can check it out at NYPost.com.

Huge fight scheduled (if you own a DeLorean)

14 Oct

ksrock.jpgAccording to Michael Woods (ESPN.com), Ken and Frank Shamrock have signed to face each other in an MMA showdown:

“There are plenty of particulars to iron out, like the date (probably sometime in April), the venue (none has been chosen) and the promotional and broadcast partners to be involved (Elite XC, CBS, and Showtime, with perhaps some other co-promoters), before what is believed to be the first brother vs. brother faceoff in fight history becomes a 100 percent done deal.”

Well, it looks like the Shamrock family feud is finally going to get ironed out. The only problem is that the fight is coming 10 years after their prime. At this point, unless Kenny can talk Doc Brown into borrowing his DeLorean, there is little reason for any of us to care.

Even worse is the scheduling of this contest. With Kimberly Slice recently getting destroyed by a relatively unknown whose 15 minutes are already up, this fight just reeks of desperation. Furthermore, the brother vs. brother thing looks more like a Vince McMahon creation than an MMA battle. Next thing we know, Ken & Frank are going to mysteriously make amends in order to take on brothers Undertaker & Kane in a steel cage match.

BallHype: hype it up!

Dumb Quotes: Shaquille ONeal

14 Oct
“I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.”
— Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

shaq1.jpg

Keep checking The Max for more dumb quotes from your favorite athletes.
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