Tag Archives: WWE

Wrestlers who overstayed their welcome

23 Jan
In honor of Randy “The Ram” Robinson (Mickey Rourke), the character in The Wrestler who refuses to give up on his in-ring career despite being well past his prime, The Max has compiled the Top 10 Wrestlers Who Hung On Too Long. These personalities had great careers in the ring, but tainted their legacy a bit when they refused to hang up their boots. Unfortunately, we’ll never look at these guys the same again.
dusty.jpg10. Dusty Rhodes
The 1970s and 1980s were very kind to Dusty Rhodes. The big Texan dominated the NWA wrestling scene, including the then-prestigious Mid-Atlantic territory, where he captured the NWA World Heavyweight Championship.

But after getting canned in 1988, Dusty, who was well into his 40s at the time, refused to hang up his boots. Instead, he took his game to WWE. Within months of his debut, “The American Dream” managed to throw away his legendary status and adopt ridiculous-looking yellow polka-dot trunks and the world’s worst manager, Sapphire. 

9. Paul Orndorff
Mr. Wonderful owns the prestigious honor of competing in the first-ever WrestleMania main event in 1985. Fast forward to 1995 and the master of the piledriver was still wrestling (at 46 years of age). But his age wasn’t really the problem. Unfortunately, Orndorff was suffering from atrophy, which caused his right side to shrink to skin and bones. The sight of the one-time adonis shrinking in front of everybody’s eyes was truly saddening.
duggan.jpg8. Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Hooooooooo! Ol’ Hacksaw is 55 years old and still competing in WWE. Our only guess is that he is trying to take the Johnny Rodz route into the Hall of Fame. Rodz could probably count his number of wins on one hand. But the guy was in WWE so long that they actually put him in the Hall of Fame. Hey Hacksaw, if you’re gonna make us watch you wrestle, can you at least put a shirt on? Or maybe tuck your gut in?
7. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper
Remember Piper’s retirement match in 1987? How about the hundreds of matches he competed in over the following 20 years? If you ask us, we think he should’ve walked away when he said he was going to. That way we would’ve been saved from watching that pasty white fat man “wrestling” in WWE pay-per-views in 2006. Who thought giving him the World Tag Team Championship at age 52 was a good idea? Here’s the video… fast forward to 6:35 to see a couple of out-of-shape senior citizens.
mool.jpg6. Fabulous Moolah
In 1999, at the age of 137, the Fabulous Moolah defeated Ivory to win the Women’s Championship. Watching it was like watching my grandmother, God rest her soul, wrestling with the can of cat food while feeding her 17 felines… not a pretty site. Her brittle hands just couldn’t figure out the darn can opener. See what we’re talking about.
5. Andre the Giant
This will undoubtedly be an unpopular decision with fringe wrestling fans. But those in the know realize that Andre was pretty much good for nothing after his 25th birthday. He simply could not move around the ring. Andre owes the fact that he is considered a legend to Vince McMahon and his amazing marketing team. They somehow turned an immobile, unintelligible man into a cult hero. Go figure.
4. Ric Flair
We’re happy to see that “The Nature Boy” finally hung up his “RF” boots after last year’s WrestleMania. We’re just curious what took so long. And if he insisted on being in the ring until he was a senior citizen, couldn’t he at least cover up his body a little bit? Watching his leathery, yet flabby, skin flop around the ring was truly vomit-inducing. (His final match… hopefully)
diesel.jpg3. Kevin Nash
This guy can’t even walk into the ring without getting injured… seriously. But at just a few months shy of his 50th birthday, he’s still dragging his sorry body out there. We just wish he would go back to dying his hair. Nobody’s scared of Capt. Grey Beard.
2. Hulk Hogan
The Hulkster is arguably the biggest name in wrestling history, despite his lack of athleticism. This guy was bad at 21, and when he won his most recent WWE championship just shy of his 50th birthday, he wasn’t any better. The sad thing is that every time he climbs into the ring, people watch, even though he barely does his signature leg drop anymore in fear of breaking a hip (that’s seriously what we heard).
anu.jpg1. Legion of Doom
Hands down, Animal & Hawk were the greatest tag team in wrestling history. But like so many others, they just never knew when to say enough. The shine started to come off this duo when they reintroduced themselves as LOD 2000 (in 1998, by the way… two years before the year 2000). The numerically-challenged team then continued to slide into the toilet in the following months, most notably when Hawk’s character started coming to the ring drunk. No joke.
Honorable Mention: Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Scott Steiner, Danny Spivey/Waylon Mercy, The Sheik, Tommy Dreamer, Debra, Mick Foley, Finlay, Dudley Boyz, Ultimate Warrior (was the WCW run really necessary?)

On the flip side, here’s a list of names that the wrestling industry held on to for too long. Age is not a factor here; the only problem was wrestling promoters continuing to push these guys despite a lack of any sort of talent:
10. Ahmed Johnson / Big T
Big dude, little talent.
9. Mark Henry
Bigger dude, less talent.
8. Mabel
Biggest dude, zero talent.

7. Savio Vega
Had the body of a rotten pear. And the charisma of a shoe.
6. Steve McMichael
The only
thing Mongo did worse than wrestle was announce. And remember that
little dog
he had with him at the commentators table? Shoulda stuck to
being a retired football player.
5. Ted Arcidi
Luckily WWE didn’t promote this powerlifter-turned-wrestler too much. But when they did, they did it hard. Unfortunately, this was his best match.
4. David Arquette
WCW champion? Seriously? No wonder WCW went out of business.
3. Albert
Why does Vince continue to push big guys, even if they have zero talent or likability?
2. Test
Not only was he a horrible wrestler, but he also dated Stacy Keibler and Kelly Kelly… three reasons to hate him!
1. X-Pac
In wrestling, bad guys (or heels, as they say in the business) like it when they get booed. It means that they are doing their job well, and in reality, a boo could be considered a cheer. Not in X-Pac’s case, though. When fans were booing him, they were literally telling him to go jump off a tall building.
aasanders.jpgAnd finally, we’d be remiss if we didn’t mention the wrestlers that just never got a fair shake. Here’s our Top 6 (yeah, we could only come up with 6) names that had the talent and charisma, but Vince never let them stick around long enough to overstay their welcome like the others.

6. Stevie Richards
Sure, he wasn’t great. But how do you keep Brooklyn Brawler around for 30 years and not let Stevie show off his talents?

5. David Flair
Come on, the guy is a Flair. He’s gotta be good for something. From where we sit, there was no need to release him so early into his career.

4. Katie Vick
We know that Katie was not really a wrestler, but as far as storylines go, we wanted to see where this one was going. But instead, they went and put an early end to it. Watching it was like watching a car wreck… you know, when you can’t look away even though it’s so hard to watch.

3. Shannon Moore
At the risk of sounding like chubby WCW announcer Mark Madden, we really thought Shannon Moore was going to turn into the next Shawn Michaels. Instead, he’s now wasting time in a tattoo shop somewhere in North Carolina.

2. Mike Sanders
Anybody with the nickname “Above Average” is OK in our book. In fact, because of Sanders, we like to describe our content as “Above Average.” We think you’d agree… maybe.

1. Disco Inferno
We’re just jealous of his dancing ability.

Honesty is the only policy … for sports fans, anyway

21 Jan

The best thing about sports — besides the actual game, scouting cheerleaders, nine innings worth of downing beers and munching on hot dogs — has to be when fans express their irritation when something goes wrong.

Ashley Simpson doesn’t lip sync for once, and she pays for it at the Orange Bowl:

Barry Bonds and his expanding head hears it from the crowd during an at-bat.

WWE fans get a “boring” chant going during yet another lame attempt at something funny from WWE “writers.”



Carl Lewis embarrasses himself in front of Michael Jordan and Chicago
.

Sarah “Hockey Mom” Palin has few fans in Philly.

Yankees fans can be tough — they’ll even boo the ones they love.

Nationals fans give Dubya the same reception he’d get from 77% of U.S. citizens.

Royal Rumbles: Fans vs. Players

19 Jan

Watching some loser Clemson fan imitate Triple H and DDT Wake center Chas McFarland last Saturday made us think about other Fans vs. Players battles that have taken place. Yes, the Ron Artest vs. the entire Pistons fanbase is included.


Some dude gets a little too close to Kip Brennan

Report: Super Bowl commercials more hype than laughs

19 Jan

Every year around Super Bowl time someone will inevitably say this: “Man, the best part of the Super Bowl is the commercials.” 

Then after the game that same person will say: “Man, the commercials weren’t as good as they were last year.”
Before the Steelers crush the Cardinals at Super Bowl XLIII, we need to clear something up: Super Bowl commercials never live up to the hype. On average, there are about two memorable ads per year with a slew of crappy ones wasting our time in between.

GoDaddy.com ads might be the biggest offenders. They’re awful. If you don’t know which ones they are, they feature WWE Diva Candice Michelle (picture in all of her airbrushed beauty below), who looks more and more plastic as each aging year passes. We wish GoDaddy.com commercials would pull a Vince Young and just vanish.
candice_godaddy.jpg
But the commercials are, in our humble opinion, a perennial disappointment. Simply because businesses pay top dollar ($3 million for a 30-second slot) doesn’t mean they produce — and they’re certainly not the main reason to watch the Super Bowl! 

Put it this way: how many Hollywood films cut checks with lots and lots of zeroes on the end of them that turn out to be enormous stinkers?  Here’s a few big-budget bombs that lost tons of cash: Waterworld, Battlefield Earth, Catwoman, Mystery Men, Pluto Nash, Cutthroat Island…

You get the idea. However, there are some redeeming ads, and if you have some spare time on your hands, check out some of the funnier ones on YouTube courtesy of superbowl-ads.com. Too lazy to click on the superbowl-ads link? Just watch these top ten from last year that someone already put on the web. They’re not all good, but they’re apparently the best…


What do you think? Please don’t tell us you look forward to the ads… Email us

Blyleven elected to prestigious group

13 Jan

blyfartx.jpgTucked away deep in our corporate file cabinet is the official list of athletes we deem cool enough to hang out with. And after hearing Bert “Be Home” Blyleven’s interview with Mike & Mike on ESPN Radio this morning, the former Twins hurler has just been added to that prestigious listing (the shirt he’s wearing in this photo didn’t hurt, either). When asked how he felt about not being elected to the Hall of Fame (again), he replied, “I think it’s a bunch of crap!

Gotta love a guy who pulls no punches and tells it like it is. His honesty is a refreshing reminder that these athletes are people, too. Hey Bert, any time you wanna go get a beer, just let us know.

Here’s the aforementioned official list of athletes we want to hang out with. The only requirement we have is that he must be alive. (Because who wants to hang out with a dead guy?) Although, you’ll see that we are pretty flexible on that requirement:

No. 20: Bill Walton
Unfortunately, as we grow older, we’re forced to act like adults, which means less “recreational activity” and more showing up to work on time. Bill, on the other hand, laughs at this notion. Plus, if we hang out, maybe he’ll let us borrow one of his Grateful Dead tie-dye T-shirts.

No. 19: Bert Blyleven
The above intro to this post says it all. Plus, how great is that nickname? Bert “Be Home” Blyleven… love it.

No. 18 (tie): Dick Pole, Jack Glasscock
Because you should always surround yourself with people that others would make fun of… takes the target off of you. For those not in the know, Pole played for the Red Sox and Mariners during the 1970s; Glasscock played for many teams including the Giants and Pirates. He is also the only deceased member of the list. With a name like Glasscock, we think he gets special dispensation.

No. 17: Walt “Clyde” Frazier
We’re not really into girly poetry, but when
Clyde opens his mouth, the soothing sounds of his rhymes make us smile,
especially in those Just For Men commercials. Plus, we really want a
friend who will tell us “your beard is weird” or “your ‘stache is trash.” It’s always better to hear those things from your friends than the girl you are trying to pick up.

No. 16: Keith Hernandez
Anybody
willing to announce a baseball game while sucking a lollipop and wearing a fur coat is OK in
our book. Plus, we’re pretty envious of that mustache, even if it’s
been chemically enhanced.

No. 15: John Daly
We have so much in common already. We both love beer and buffalo wings at Hooter’s. This friendship is a no-brainer.

No. 14: Plaxico Burress
If he’s willing to take a bullet for absolutely no reason at all, imagine what he would do for a friend in need.

No. 13: Nolan Ryan
Our mouths tend to get us into a lot of trouble. At least if we were to be side-by-side with ol’ Nolan at the bar, however, we would know that he would kick the butt of anybody that would mess with us. Just ask Robin Ventura.

No. 12: Tom Brady
Because even if we ended up with his wingman’s wingman’s rejects we would be hanging out with the hottest girls we ever laid eyes on.

No. 11: Bo Jackson
We know that it’s not the 1980s anymore, but everybody still wants to “know Bo,” don’t they? Plus, anybody who can make a defense look this dumb will never go out of style.

No. 10: Reggie Bush
The truth is that we would only want to hang out with Reggie if we could also hang with Kim Kardashian and her lovely frame. Is that so bad?

No. 9: Bucky Dent
As a rule of thumb, anybody who get’s the term “F’n” added to their name is cool in our book.

No. 8: David Wells
See John Daly.

No. 7: Bob Uecker
Between the Miller Lite commercials and his drunken ramblings in the movie Major League, we’re inclined to think “Mr. Baseball” likes to enjoy a few adult beverages. Hey, we do too. Maybe we should do it together.

No. 6: The Miz
This current WWE wrestler (and former Real World cast member) might just be the coolest man to walk the planet. The dude not only parties at the Playboy Mansion, but also dates many of the beauties inside Hef’s magazine. He has reportedly been linked to Trishelle Cannatella and Maria Kanellis, among others. With a resume like this, you would think he could spare some of his riches.

No. 5: Joba Chamberlain
OK, the truth is that we only want to hang out with Joba so that he has a safe ride home after enjoying a few beers. As Yankees fans, we need him on the mound in ’09.

No. 4: Marko Jaric
We’re thinking that as the winner of the 2008 Out-Kicked His Coverage Championship, Marko could give us some tips on overcoming our ugliness to score with the ladies.

No. 3: Jason Giambi
The former Yankees first baseman has everything you should look for in a friend. A mustache, tattoos you’ve always been afraid of getting, an honest quality and he’s willing to share his thong.

No. 2: Peyton Manning
While this may not be a popular opinion with the masses (largely because he sounds like he has marbles in his mouth when he talks), the truth is this dude is flat-out funny. We like a guy who could make us laugh. We also like long walks on the beach… oh wait, wrong web site.

No. 1: Joe Namath
Because we want to kiss Suzy Kolber, too.

On the flip side, here are some athletes that have made our “Do Not Hang Out With” list. We really think these names don’t need any explanation. But just in case, we offered a few:

  • Tony Romo
  • Eli Manning: Not nearly as cool as his brother.
  • Curt Schilling
  • Jason Williams: Any of them
  • Isaiah Thomas
  • Dwyane
    Wade: If he was in our “five”, we would expect a ride from him after a
    long night of drinking. Apparently, he’s not good for that. Just ask
    Barkley.

  • Sean Avery
  • Eddy Curry: We’re not into that. Not that there’s anything against it.
  • Tiger Woods: But we’ll play his video games.
  • O.J. Simpson
  • Alonzo Morrning: Can’t trust him, even if you were there for him when he was down.
  • Michael Phelps
  • Mike Tyson: We’d be afraid for our ears if he were to get hungry (like Bo Jackson, that joke never gets old).

Want to see how badly The Maxs Rob Parker interview could have gone?

23 Dec
By calling The Max, Rob Parker did more than highlight some of our shortcomings (insert an inappropriate joke here), he had us ponder just how badly that interview could have spun out of control had he held a different temperament, like, say, that of a professional athlete. 
There have been some bad interviews conducted in the past, and here at The Max we usually like to refer to those as our job interviews. But for the poor sports interviews, there’s YouTube, which provides hours of enjoyment by catching lots and lots of screwed up interviews on video for everyone’s viewing pleasure.
Editor’s Note: If you watch one video, please let it be the second or third video down. If you watch two, why don’t you just watch all four?
Here is a 3 minute rundown of bad interview endings. The video is good, trust us.



This is an 11-second interview with a Halloween joke that goes terribly wrong…
http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docid=-4806937880659756938&hl=en&fs=true



Um…what’d he say? Seriously, can anyone translate this 13-second interview:


Here is former WWE Superstar (or ‘rassler) Lex Lugar botching a promo for some no-name wrestling organization. (Runtime: 1:12)