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The real Joba vs. The phony Joba

11 Feb

Ryan Ward, a 30-year-old dude from Toms River, N.J., pleaded guilty to scamming businesses for saying he was Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain. Ward’s punishment was $2,518 in fines and he got placed on two years’ probation for doing snagging free drinks at bars and getting food comped because he told people he was the Joba Chamberlain.

Let’s run through the major differences between the man and the myth:

  • One: Joba wears a Yankees hat. Ryan Ward wears a receding hairline.
  • Two: Joba wears a pinstriped uniform. Ryan Ward wears a powder-blue checkered shirt from the bargain bin.
  • Three: Restaurants go to Joba, he doesn’t go to them. Ryan Ward isn’t afraid to hit the drive-thru window multiple times per day.
  • Four: Joba receives checks for endorsement deals. Ryan Ward writes checks and gets probation because he gets caught pretending to be other people.
  • Five: Joba is the real deal. Ryan Ward is OK with being a phony, and would have probably kept acting like Joba if he didn’t get into trouble.

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Which Big League Chew flavor should The Max endorse?

11 Feb

We’re getting out the vote. Well, we’re actually seeking YOUR votes, so pitch in and let us know which Big League Chew flavor you stand behind. Vote in the poll below and leave a comment to let us know why you chose a certain flavor.

originalchew.jpgThe Original. Never in gum-chewing history has there been a product that made kids feel as if chewing tobacco would taste so good. Of course, when those same kids actually graduated to munching on tobacco products they either barfed or got incredibly faint, which rendered them useless on the playing field. Shoulda stuck with some BLC gum, dudes.

grapchew.jpgGrape. The taste is sweet, like if you dumped six pounds of sugar and added a hint of grape onto the shreds of Chew. We’re not huge fans of the color purple (not the movie, of course) because everyone at The Max despises the Vikings, but we won’t hold that against grape.

strawberrychew.jpgStrawberry. It’s strawberry-delicious. At least that’s what one test subject said when asked how he enjoyed his sample of strawberry BLC. In fact, he enjoyed it so much that he kicked The Max’s own Jeff Maxwell in the groin, snatched the entire pouch and ran off. Don’t believe us? It happened. Would we lie?

watermelonchew.jpgWatermelon. A nice refresher to combat our normal bad breath and the looming threat of the gum disease Gingivitis! Well, not really. Watermelon fights no disease and like all BLC, it’s loaded with sugar which doesn’t exactly help fight cavities. But watermelon did rank high in flavor and juiciness. Not gonna lie, we were upset that the seeds were removed. We love spitting them.

Which Big League Chew flavor should The Max endorse?
( polls)

Canseco seeks 15 more minutes

11 Feb

josetv.jpgWhen will Jose Canseco finally go away? According to the New York Post’s Page Six, the embattled slugger, apparently in search of 15 more minutes of fame, is pitching a reality television series to network execs. While we’re not sure what the concept of the show will be, we are pretty sure that we would rather watch paint dry. Even worse, we would rather watch these shows than a Jose Canseco reality TV program:

  • Dawson’s Creek
  • Small Wonder
  • The Oprah Winfrey Show
  • Any XFL game
  • Knight Rider (the new one)
  • My Mother the Car
  • Roseanne (even after she wins the lottery)
  • A Very Brady Christmas

If you had the choice to watch one of the below shows, which would it be?
( surveys)

The Max crowns its Man of the Year

11 Feb

ds.jpgIt’s only February, but The Max is fairly confident that our search for the 2009 Man of the Year can be called off. After reading excerpts from Darryl Strawberry’s upcoming book, we formally announce the former slugger as the award winner (however, we reserve the right to de-crown Straw and hand it to multiple other recipients over the course of the next 10 months).

As we have stated time and time again, we really don’t care about stats or the game’s final score. Instead, we want the gossip … we want to see people make fools of themselves … we want the cameraman to focus more on the cheerleaders … you get the point. We feel that Staw embodies these qualities, especially after reading portions of his book:

  • Beer “was the foundation of our alcoholic lifestyle… We hauled around more Bud than the Clydesdales. The beer was just to get the party started and maybe take the edge off the speed and coke.”
  • 1986 New York Mets road mantra: “Tear up your best bars and nightclubs and take your finest women… The only hard part was choosing which hottie to take back to your hotel room. Lots of times you … picked two or three.”
  • Straw also goes into a story about watching an ex-teammate pluck a woman from the stands during a game to have relations with in a private room. “I was jealous. When I saw her heading back to her seat, I gave her a sign. She smiles, turned right back around and met me in that same little room … “I had to be quick and run back on to the field.”


Editor’s note: It’s important to point out that we do not condone Strawberry’s actions. But we sure as heck approve of him talking about it.

Troy Aikman heading Back to School

10 Feb

Anyone remember the Rodney Dangerfield film, “Back to School”? Paulie from “Rocky”, the late, great Sam Kinnison, Johnny “Cobra Kai” Lawrence from “The Karate Kid” and Robert Downy Jr. from the drunken skeeve Wall of Shame were all in it. ( Watch the trailer.)

Well Troy Aikman is apparently a fan, and he’s taking the title literally. He told the press he’s “finally taking care of business” and heading back to college to get his degree from UCLA.

We wish the former QB luck and all, but we think we’ll wait for the update to arrive on DVD before bothering to worry about Aikman’s school ventures again. He’s OK as a TV personality, but he’s no Rodney Dangerfield, that’s for certain.

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CC gets Raw

10 Feb

ccraw.jpgJust days before reporting to Spring Training in Tampa, CC Sabathia took in some WWE action. The new Yankees pitcher was spotted backstage at Monday Night Raw yesterday where he posed with World Heavyweight Champion John Cena.

Don’t turn your back CC, Cena’s a Red Sox fan. He might clobber you with that belt when the ref’s not looking. For more photos, go to WWE.com.

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