Archive | October, 2008

First Santa, now Mother Nature

28 Oct

mothernature.jpgWe at The Max consider ourselves to be a lot like FOX News. Perhaps no other blog on the Internet employs the catchphrase “we report, you decide” better than The Max (ok, we’re a little biased). In short, we don’t offer you our opinions. We simply give you the information and let you form your own opinions. But after last night’s World Series game, we must speak up:

Philadelphia, you should be embarrassed. First you boo Santa Claus, and now you verbally assault poor Mother Nature just because your World Series celebration will be delayed by rain. How do you sleep at night?

Several members of The Max staff actually once had the opportunity to meet Mother Nature at an airport in Paris. Nice lady. She even offered to autograph the photo used in this blog entry. Unlike most celebrities, she spent an insane amount of time with us talking about the weather (turns out deciding to make it rain or snow is a lot more complicated than we thought). She even offered the wonderful advice of “stay warm,” which she also added on her autograph.

Anyway, we could go on forever about how nice Mother Nature is. But this goes far beyond some poor old lady’s feelings. We are getting reports in our newsroom that after last night’s booing of Mommy N, the Easter Bunny is kicking around the idea of skipping Philly this Spring. Are you happy now? And this comes just hours after learning that the Tooth Fairy is training Hulk Hogan to be her fill-in on house calls in the Philly area.

nany.jpg

Fun With Numbers

27 Oct

As we do every Monday, The Max offers an in-depth look at the most important numbers of the past week in sports and entertainment. Check out last week’s edition of Fun With Numbers here.


funnumbers1.jpg

(Unfortunately) Image is everything for Andre Agassi

26 Oct

Back when the built-in flash was a modern marvel, Canon ran an advertising campaign for their Rebel camera starring hunk-of-the-moment tennis sensation Andre Agassi. The slogan: Image is Everything. Unfortunately for Agassi, that happened to be true. Be warned that the string of images you see in this old commercial can be quite painful to watch.

*Please note: 8 seconds in where Fabio Jr. rips off his shirt and launches it into the canyon below, where we presume lots of Tuskan Raiders from “Star Wars” are waiting to battle over who gets to touch Agassi’s sweat rag.
*Also note: 15 seconds in as Mr. Image is laying poolside, catching some rays, wearing his Terminator sunglasses and fashionable neon pink swimsuit. 

Pro athletes ruined Dancing With the Stars?

25 Oct

Rumor has it that producers for Dancing with the Stars are looking for new, less talented experts to work with the celebs next season. Former NFL greats Jerry Rice, Emmitt Smith and this season’s breakout star, Warren Sapp, have Foxtrotted so well that in order to keep the show fresh and the ratings high, producers want to downgrade the talent of the dancing pros to create more competition on the series.

While Dancing with the Stars‘ network, ABC, was hush about the rumor, The Max’s inside source told us they’ve heavily considered extending their first offer to the guy in this video. Take nine seconds out of your day to watch him wow the crowd of mall goers as he shows off his amazing moves playing the video game Dance Dance Revolution (DDR). Of course, if this dude does get the gig, he’ll have to figure out a way to stay on his feet.

The Moose is loose

24 Oct

moose.jpg

The Seattle Mariners were dead last in the AL West last season. Their performance got so lousy that during the twilight of the season their mascot, Mariner Moose, opted to flash his newborn’s mug to the hometown crowd instead of routing on his team.
It was fine until Ichiro smacked a foul ball liner and, in a knee-jerk reaction, M. Moose turned quickly and jacked some poor fan in the dome with his kid’s antler. 
The lawsuit is still pending and the Mariners are still terrible.

The Max trades in their PS3 for a coin

24 Oct

coin.jpgLoyal readers of The Max recall our coverage of the ALCS where we used our PS3 to predict the outcome of the series. Unfortunately, despite all of our technical advancements (including putting a man on the moon), the PS3 couldn’t predict that the Tampa Bay Rays were going to be good this year. That said, they had the Red Sox topple the young upstarts 4-0. Good job, PS3!

That absurd prediction forced The Max editors to toss their PS3 and dig deep into their pockets to predict the outcome of the World Series. That’s right, we’re using a coin. By the way, this is a complete ripoff of 1050 ESPN Radio’s Max Kellerman Show (gotta give credit when it’s due). Here’s the way our coin, which happens to have the World Series logo on it (yeah, we’re fancy over here), sees the Fall Classic taking place:

Game 1
Phillies (tails)

Game 2
Phillies (tails)

Game 3
Rays (heads)

Game 4
Rays (heads)

Game 5
Rays (heads)

Game 6
Rays (heads)

Rays win 4-2

Okay, so Games 1 and 2 have already been played. But should facts really get in the way here? I mean, come on; we’re using a coin to predict the World Series for goodness sake. Anyway, congratulations to the Tampa Bay Rays, your 2008 World Series Champions.

Surfing the web

24 Oct

It’s Friday again. And as is the Friday custom here at The Max, we provide you with the below links in an attempt to help you get through the work day. As always, these should make you somewhat unproductive for a few hours; the rest of the day is your responsibility.

Tirico Suave takes an amusing look at the whole Tampa Bay cowbell craze. Continue…

The Sports Hernia wonders if the doctor from The Simpsons is doing Tom Brady’s surgeries. Continue…

Page Six has a piece on 6-foot-2 olympic rower Susan Francia. Apparently, she thinks Michael Phelps is sexy. We have no explanation for this lunacy. Continue…

Miami cheerleader Stephanie Ferrera says she’s a huge Yankees fan (and that’s our hook to link you to an attractive young lady. Enjoy). Continue…

Page 2 has the transcript from the infamous conversation between Brett Favre and Matt Millen. Continue…

WWE wrestler John Cena teaches you Wiffle Ball (just in time for winter?!?). Continue…

YouTube Video of the Week
We’re not really sure what to make of this. But it combines two of our most favorite things: Guitar Hero and sports.