Tag Archives: Lebron James

What to look for in 2009

29 Dec

Like Nostradamus, The Max likes to have a little fun by predicting the future. Unlike Nostradamus, however, we think our predictions actually have a solid chance at becoming a reality. Here’s what The Max wants you to look out for in 2009:

After the Tampa Bay Rays finish April in 3rd place in the AL East, nearly every sports writer in America will use the term “hangover” to describe their lackluster play.

John Daly will eat more fried chicken than the Colonel ever intended one man to ever eat. Expect a couple arrests, too.

trhat.jpgTony Romo will continue to wear that ridiculous looking hat. But that’s not the hook – Jessica Simpson will finally see him wearing the hat during a post-game press conference and promptly kick him to the curb (it’s about time).

Terrell Owens will also continue to wear that same hat, but look good while doing it. Editor’s note: Give it up, Tony. Neither the hat, nor the girl, make you look even remotely cool.

Look for the Mets’ closer controversy to start early. After K-Rod blows a few saves in April, Mets fans will begin begging for J.J. Putz to start closing games.

This web site will continually prove its immaturity by making 36 ridiculously bad J.J. Putz name jokes by the All-Star break.

Aaron Heilman will finally get a chance to become a starting pitcher. Unfortunately for the Mariners, though, the fact that he only has two pitches will continue to plague him. Just like in New York, look for Aaron “The Crybaby” Heilman to end up in the bullpen by year’s end.

Brett Favre will retire.

One of the Spears girls will become pregnant… again. Odds are it will be Jamie Lynn, but don’t count out Britney or mother Lynne.

Brett Favre will unretire.

In an attempt to clear cap room, the New York Knicks will trade David Lee, Nate Robinson, Chris Duhon and anybody else with a glimmer of talent. Fast forward to 2010, LeBron will end up in New Jersey.

Jealous men everywhere (us included) will continue to make fun of Tom Brady, even though the truth is he is probably the raddest dude to ever walk planet earth.

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College football will continue to miss the boat by not implementing a true playoff system.

People will continue to watch college football, despite the fact that there is not a true playoff system.

Tracy Morgan will finally be recognized as the funniest man alive.

O.J. Simpson will rot in jail (better late than never).

Will Ferrell will make yet another average movie about some fringe sport. Our guess is badmitton, but you never know with him. Anything would be better than Blades of Glory.

Greg Oden will be diagnosed with the same thing Brad Pitt’s character had in that Benjamin Button movie. Damn, that kid looks old. 


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The XFL 2.0 will attempt fill the void left behind by the vacationing Arena Football League. Unfortunately for Vince McMahon, however, his second attempt at putting together a legitimate football league will resemble his attempt to bring pro wrestling back to prominence. The Boogeyman? Really?

Despite Jerry Jones’ claims, Wade Phillips will join Eric Mangini, Romeo Crennel and Rod Marinelli in the NFL unemployment line. Speaking of the Cowboys, we think we find this guy entertaining, but we’re not sure yet. Let us know.

Brett Favre will retire.

There you have it – The Max’s best guess at what will happen in 2009. What do you think? Do you have a prediction? If so, leave it below; we’d love to read it.

 

Can these people just go away?

2 Dec

Plaxico Burress has been
everywhere lately – the TV, the newspapers, blogs, in my nightmares. And, actually, it’s not just lately, it’s
been all season. From Plax’s disregard for Giants’ team policy to
fines, suspension and finally popping a cap into his own thigh; well, we’ve
finally had enough of this guy. Granted, Burress’ bonehead moves provide
us with material on a weekly basis, but we just can’t take it any longer. The guy needs to go away.

We understand that Jared
used to be the size of a monster truck and has now shrunk to that of a Mini
Cooper. For downgrading from pants that could blanket a small village, we
commend him.

Dude, you’re insane on the court. No doubt about that. But Chuck Barkley’s right, you need to shut the hell up about your plans for 2010. Just keep scoring at will and do something we have never seen in a game like a 720 dunk from the three-point line, but please keep your yap shut about the future.

Many times, the gossip
focuses on the enormously popular and heavily political Triple H, husband to
WWE Princess Stephanie McMahon. Since inserting himself into the royal family
of pro wrestling in 2003, Mr. H has been criticized by dirt sheet “journalists” about the perks he receives from being married to WWE Chairman Vince McMahon’s
daughter. 

She’s crazy.
She’s pregnant. She’s getting divorced. She’s pregnant again. She’s shaving her head! She looks loopy on stage performing one of her formulaic pop musical ditties at some lame awards show. She’s admitted to a problem. She’s finding her inner self. She’s releasing a new record. She needs more money!

Whether or not Brit is
locked up in the loony bin doesn’t stop us from watching sports, but she still needs to take a hike. We’re asking from the bottom of our black heart’s to please keep her off of our television sets unless it’s the replay of the “Baby One
More Time.” 

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Chad Johnson or Chad Ocho Cinco

Chad: Play football. Score
touchdowns. Do your dances. Win championships, then talk as much as you want. But
you’re a Bengal, and that’s in the cat family, which associates you
the Lions. That means no talking.

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Shaq & Kobe

Shaq and Kobe don’t play on the same team anymore, and haven’t for a few years now. The bottom line is that the story is tired and the inability for the press to conjure up new material to draw readers back to their fledging magazines and newspapers highlights exactly why certain publications will be going the way of the banking and auto industries sooner rather than later.

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Barry Bonds

Whether or not Bonds will join the ranks of baseball’s elite is yet to be determined, and if he does, then a whole new crop of arguments can surface (or the same ones repackaged). Now it’s up to the league and those who make those types of choices to decide, so hopefully the rest of us can move on and find someone else to devote our time too. Stories about Bonds are all old hat, and since that hat belongs to Bonds, it means the stories have been stretched very thin to keep pace with his ever-growing bulbous melon. 

Surfing The Web

7 Nov

We’re pleased to report that our e-mail box is overflowing with positive responses for our Friday Surfing The Web feature. However, it does concern us a bit that one of our most popular regular features is about other sites’ greatness. Oh well. As always, here’s a few links to help you be unproductive at work. Enjoy:

The Sports Hernia has found Kenyon Martin’s girlfriend. Continue…

Mental Floss wants to know if you can name 18 World Series MVPs in five minutes (Here’s a hint: You cant!). Continue…

Mouthpiece likes to make fun of people more successful than them just as much as we do. Continue…

The Morning Call reports that a woman died at a Blackhawks game. Ironically, her mother did the same in 1986. No joke. Continue…

WWE has posted cheats for its upcoming game. However, we wonder who would actually want to play as Jillian Hall. Continue…

We hate the Dallas Cowboys, but love their cheerleaders. Thanks, Si.com. Continue…

Sports Crackle Pop has a not-so-newsworthy story about Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett. But we liked the photo. Continue…

YouTube Video of the Week
More than ever, we want to be LeBron James when we grow up.

 

YouTube Video of the Week II, The Sequel
Pretty much anything with Tracy Morgan is funny, but this one reveals his relation to Kimberly “Kimbo” Slice.