Archive | November, 2008

How much do you like The Max?

25 Nov

The Max is proud to announce that we are currently accepting applications from professional athletes looking to become the face of this blog. Just like Nike did for Tiger Woods, The Max will make one lucky athlete synonymous with a worldwide mega-brand (us).

Unfortunately, however, the tumbling economy has prevented us from throwing the big bucks around. That said, we are only prepared to offer upwards of $50 to the athlete we choose as our official celebrity endorser. The low compensation has scared off the likes of LeBron James and Andy Phillips, but there are still some superstars out there excited to apply for the position. The only question we ask on our application is: How much do you like The Max? Below is what we got back.

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max_mcnabb.jpgWhich finalist do you think The Max should choose as its celebrity endorser? Leave us a comment below. We promise to take your opinion into consideration when making this difficult decision

Notre Dame mocked by their own cheerleaders

23 Nov

Following a disgusting loss to the lowly Syracuse Oranges, Notre Dame’s “football team” became the target of abuse from their own cheerleading squad.

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Realizing her team won’t be needing the endzone for anything useful, this cheerleader uses the untouched landscape to practice… just in case.

 

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Using the traditional report-card grading system, the above cheerleader and her manly partner give the Notre Dame football a team a “D”, which is one grade better than what we give them. Ironically, we also screamed that letter on several occasions while watching the game this past weekend.

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The sign this cheerleader is holding pretty much speaks for itself… ok, we doctored the photo a little. But you know that’s what she’s thinking.

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So the above cheerleaders don’t seem to be making fun of their football team. But it’s a damn nice photo to look at. You’re welcome.

Griffeys D.C. gig may spark mass migration

21 Nov

We’re happy that Ken Griffey Jr. landed a government gig (full story). It’s smart. Everyone knows that the path to riches isn’t through multimillion dollar baseball deals, anyway. It’s through government scandals and ripping off the tax payers. There’s a ridiculous amount of cash to be swindled through the guise of employment through the state, and we applaud Mr. Jr. for recognizing. We just hope he doesn’t pull a hammy entering his office. 

But in all seriousness, this move might begin a revolution. What if others follow? Here are some options for professional athletes who may want to consider jumping ship for another profession:
Jets QB Brett Favre: Should signs a deal with a major motion picture company with his first significant role after “There’s Something About Marry” being the lead in “Father Time and the Touchdown Kid.” It’s the heartwarming story of an old fossil who teaches a young woman her true potential as an NFL rocket arm. Think “Rookie of the Year” meets “Necessary Roughness” meets “Little Giants” meets “My Cousin Vinny.” Oh, yeah, Joe Pesci lands a role, too. “Youse gotsa problem wit dat?” (That was our Pesci impression. Not bad, right?) 
Tennis star Anna Kournikova: Deserves a shot at being the new ball girl for the Yankees. (She’d show the girl in this video up in a minute… well, maybe not. The video is pretty sick and it’s real — we swear.) 
Giants QB Eli Manning: This guy needs to go back to high school as an undercover cop to foil the devious plot of a crew of misfits that copy their homework everyday before home room. Manning’s got the boyish looks to pull it off, and we know he has no problem acting immature (think back to the NFL Draft in ’04).
Bengals WR Chad Ocho Cinco: The name has Spanish tutor written all over it. C’mon, that was a gimme. However, knowing Chad’s antics, he’d probably request to be the French tutor just to be a pain. 
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UFC Champ Brock Lesnar: Should go back to his old job as the troll that lives under the Brooklyn Bridge who scares passersby. 




Go any others? Leave a comment or drop us an email: themax@ymail.com.
 

Surfing the web

20 Nov

Wow, that was close. You almost did some work while at the office today, didn’t you? Well, have no fear, The Max is here! Below are some moderately amusing links that should help occupy your Friday.

Page 2 wants to know if you’re as good a guy (or girl) as the painfully-moral golfer J.P.Hayes.

Big League Stew has found the guy with the biggest man-crush on Barry Bonds.

Cheerleaders: As always, you can count on SI.com to bring you images of your favorite leaders of the cheer. This time, it’s Tampa’s best.

Tirico Suave would like to congratulate Dustin Pedroia on winning the AL MVP.

The Model: Ever wonder where Rick “The Model” Martel ended up? Well, here’s your answer.

Shutdown Corner explains Deion Sanders’ lack of fashion perfectly.

YouTube Video of the Day
Everybody else is linking to this video, so why shouldn’t we? It’s the basketball dribbling 5-year-old.

NOW Thats What I Call Yankees: Offseason Edition

20 Nov

Prediction: By the time the first pitch crosses the plate in the 2009 baseball season the Yankees’ roster will have gone through more changes than Joan Rivers’ face.

It’s a bold prediction, we know, but many are anticipating a severe metamorphosis for New York following the disappointing 2008 campaign. In the meantime, the anxiety of guessing who’s on their way out (we’ll miss the ‘stache), who’s going to get one last chance (step it up, Robbie), what new faces we’ll see (can I get you a soda, CC?) and overall how things will have evolved when the new Yankee Stadium opens its doors are all questions as that will have a definitive answer on Opening Day. 

To help encompass some of the scenarios revolving around the Yankees, we decided to make the soundtrack, NOW That’s What I Call Yankees: Offseason Edition. Below is an eclectic collection of songs from various artists that span different eras which can help us break down some mysteries and issues Yankees fans will encounter leading up to the first game of the season on April 6th.
 

Album: The Best of Player

PlayerThis one goes out to Chien-Ming Wang and Jorge Posada, who were sidelined with injuries for the bulk of last season. 

Fellas, we know you’re listening, and we just want you to come back healthy. That’s all we ask. Whatever you need, we’ll give you. (Well, actually, we can only offer loud cheers and chants when you step onto the field.) You want a different song to represent your return? Not an issue. Just let us know and consider it done.
 
Pearl Jam, Rearview Mirror 

Album: Vs.
Pearl JamHindsight is always 20/20, and it’s crystal clear the Yankees lacked pitching last season (perhaps they should have pulled the trigger on the Johan Santana deal). The Steinbrenners and Brian Cashman saw it and have been vocal about who they want to bring to New York to help improve the situation. 
Acquiring established veterans and grooming the gifted youngsters already on the roster has, so far, anyway, seemed to be a top priority. In focusing on the home-grown stars, we think it’s safe to say the Bombers’ future’s so bright we have to wear shades.
The Doors, People Are Strange
Album: Strange Days

The DoorsPeople have certainly become strange when it comes Yankees news this offseason. Some “insiders” pretend to know the top-secret info and then go share it on their blogs without verifying sources. Even worse are the dummies who call into New York radio talk shows claiming to have the inside scoop. We actually heard somebody call WFAN’s Steve Somers last night saying that he heard from a guy who heard from a “source” that the Yanks were shopping Joba to the Mets for Carlos Beltran. Even if the Bombers got both Beltrans, that trade would be a joke. Heck, even the normally-disillusioned Somers knew that was dumb. 

However, ending the lunacy is easily avoidable. The remedy is to watch Mike Francesa on YES, or catch his clips on YESNetwork.com. In terms of sports-news, the guy’s more connected than Tony Soprano.

Green Day, Coming Clean 
Album: Dookie
Green DayThe Yankees have come clean involving missteps of the recent past, and they’re not looking back in anger

Acquiring Nick Swisher was questionable to some, but after it was confirmed that CC Sabathia was offered enough money for him to substitute dollar bills for toilet paper, and knowing that offers for pitchers A.J. Burnett and Derek Lowe are pending, it seems as though pitching will be a key component to a successful 2009 season.

 
The Offspring, The Kids Aren’t Alright

Album: Americana

The OffspringWith concern for Phil Hughes’ development, Joba Chamberlain’s role and Brett Gardner’s production at the plate, there’s plenty of questions about the “kids” on the team. (Can you actually refer to someone with a hefty six-figure salary as a kid?) Their early production will determine if the Yankees’ brass will be walking on sunshine, or if they’ll find their continued faith in youngsters is simply a hard habit to break.

 

Double You, Please Don’t Go

Album: Studio Live

Double YouUnlike the former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, we Yankees fans like the Moose, and following a 20-win season, many of those fans hope Mike Mussina’s ride in the concrete jungle hasn’t stopped just yet. But it appears as though it has. Our only hope is that Mussina reads this entry and decides to pull a Brett Favre before the season starts. Our fingers are crossed.

Andy Pettitte, we know you’re probably feeling left out right now, but don’t. We’d write our own song for you, but nothing rhymes with Pettitte.

Jamiroquai, Where Do We Go From Here?
Album: Synchronized
JamiroquaiSo where do the Yankees go from here? That’s been on everyone’s mind since last September. 
With a cache of possibilities on the horizon, along with acquisition of Swisher, a rearranged coach staff, and a renewed zest from the Steinbrenner clan, it’s obvious that things will be different this year — and if they’re not, expect heads to roll early. The answer, then, would be “up.” The only place to go for the Yankees is to rise up through the division and charge into October.

Queen, The Show Must Go On
Album: Innuendo

QueenRegardless of what moves are or aren’t made, the show must go on. Even if every plan the Yankees had in mind falls through, expect Joe Girardi and Derek Jeter to extract the very best from the squad in 2009. Love ‘em hate ‘em, these two are hard-nosed competitors who give it 100 percent every time.

Why should we trust Joe and Derek this time around? The reason behind that is simple: as hard as it was for us fans to sit through October and watch other teams compete, it was 10 times as hard for the boys in pinstripes.

Talking Heads, This Must be the Place
Album: Speaking in Tongues
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The atmosphere of the new Yankee Stadium will be filled with energy — OK, and lots of people with hot dog breath. 
But the energy will be much more prominent. After talking to some of the guys at YES, it looks like the history of the old stadium is prevalent, and you know the new memories are destined for the history books. This certainly is the place! 
 
Guns N’ Roses, Welcome to the Jungle
Album: Appetite for Destruction
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Think Yankees fans were rowdy at the old stadium? Just wait until the Bleacher Creatures settle into their seats at the new stadium. It’s common knowledge that they don’t necessarily approve of box seats (or the Red Sox)… imagine what they will have to say about the new, even-more-expensive boxes. We’re scared. 
 
We missed something, didn’t we? It happens from time to time. But you don’t have to be shy about it. Leave a comment or email us: themax@ymail.com.
 

2008 Max MLB Awards

19 Nov

maxtrophy.jpgWe really weren’t going to give our own MLB awards this year. That type of thing seems so overdone. But when Evan Longoria was handed the A.L. Rookie of the Year award, we felt like we had no choice but to right the wrongs going on in the baseball world. Come on, people. Did none of you voters see Ian Kennedy’s performance this season? How he didn’t walk away with the hardware is beyond us.

With that expert analysis out of the way, we proudly present to you our Moderately Prestigious 2008 MLB Awards:

 

Groundhog Day Award
New York Mets’ September

Teammate of the Year
Because the last thing we want is the YES web guy calling to tell us we over-stepped our boundaries and that we may have messed up a potential free agent signing for the Yankees, we will not offer the name of the winner here. What we can tell you, however, is that his name rhymes with Nanny Lamirez. You do the math.

Tag Team of the Year
That same Nanny Lamirez guy from above and Shawn Chacon. If only they had Bobby “The Brain” Heenan as their manager, we wouldn’t be so critical of them beating up elderly front-office personnel.

The Babe Ruth Fitness Award (also known as the “Have A Salad” or the “Lay Off The Roast Beef”)
Miguel Cabrera, Detroit Tigers

The Just Give Him A Managerial Job And Shut Him Up Already Award
Gary Carter

The Just Take Away His Managerial Job And Shut Him Up Already Award
Ozzie Guillen

Model Citizen of the Year
Jose Guillen, Kansas City Royals
Just go away already, Jose. Kansas City is lucky they have anybody show up for the games at all. And then you go and verbally berate them. Not cool.

The What Ever Happened To Names Like Roy White Award
Micah Kilakila Ka’aihue, Kansas City Royals

CTRL+Z Award
Los Angeles Dodgers
Overheard in the LA front offices: “Hey, is there anyway we can undo that Andruw Jones signing?”

The Did We Really Make That Trade Award
Victor Zambrano for Scott Kazmir
Ok, we know that trade didn’t happen this season. But we think it was so bad that it should win the award every year. Or at least until the Mets win another World Series.

The You Must Be This Tall To Ride This Ride Award
Dustin Pedroia

Hey, Weren’t We Supposed To Be Good?
Seattle Mariners

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