We really weren’t going to give our own MLB awards this year. That type of thing seems so overdone. But when Evan Longoria was handed the A.L. Rookie of the Year award, we felt like we had no choice but to right the wrongs going on in the baseball world. Come on, people. Did none of you voters see Ian Kennedy’s performance this season? How he didn’t walk away with the hardware is beyond us.
With that expert analysis out of the way, we proudly present to you our Moderately Prestigious 2008 MLB Awards:
Groundhog Day Award
New York Mets’ September
Teammate of the Year
Because the last thing we want is the YES web guy calling to tell us we over-stepped our boundaries and that we may have messed up a potential free agent signing for the Yankees, we will not offer the name of the winner here. What we can tell you, however, is that his name rhymes with Nanny Lamirez. You do the math.
Tag Team of the Year
That same Nanny Lamirez guy from above and Shawn Chacon. If only they had Bobby “The Brain” Heenan as their manager, we wouldn’t be so critical of them beating up elderly front-office personnel.
The Babe Ruth Fitness Award (also known as the “Have A Salad” or the “Lay Off The Roast Beef”)
Miguel Cabrera, Detroit Tigers
The Just Give Him A Managerial Job And Shut Him Up Already Award
The Just Take Away His Managerial Job And Shut Him Up Already Award
Model Citizen of the Year
Jose Guillen, Kansas City Royals
Just go away already, Jose. Kansas City is lucky they have anybody show up for the games at all. And then you go and verbally berate them. Not cool.
The What Ever Happened To Names Like Roy White Award
Micah Kilakila Ka’aihue, Kansas City Royals
Los Angeles Dodgers
Overheard in the LA front offices: “Hey, is there anyway we can undo that Andruw Jones signing?”
The Did We Really Make That Trade Award
Victor Zambrano for Scott Kazmir
Ok, we know that trade didn’t happen this season. But we think it was so bad that it should win the award every year. Or at least until the Mets win another World Series.
The You Must Be This Tall To Ride This Ride Award
Hey, Weren’t We Supposed To Be Good?