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Imagine this Turkey Day dinner conversation…

We were sitting here thinking, since we have no lives and work through the holidays, about what the conversation would be like if loudmouth former NFL receiver Keyshawn Johnson, flesh-bitin’ has-been Mike Tyson, drunken mess Courtney Love and overall BAMF Ray Lewis ate Thankgiving dinner together?

We’re willing to bet that the
phrases below would be uttered at least once during the meal…

Who else can you picture at this dinner table, and what would they have to say? Leave us a comment or email us here: themax_blog@ymail.com

Tags: Courtney Love, Keyshawn Johnson, Mike Tyson, Ray Lewis, Thanksgiving dinner, Turkey Day

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Top 10 athletes who enjoy Thanksgiving dinner more than you

26 Nov

There’s nothing better than sitting down with your loved ones to share a nice slaughtered turkey on Thanksgiving. We know it’s your favorite day of the year. But, here’s a list of 10 athletes that love chowing down on turkey dinner more than you.

No. 10 Antonio Alfonseca

Most lists of this nature would probably have “Alf” (no, not Gordon Shumway) much higher on the list. But we here at The Max are not completely convinced that he’s a porker. Just look at the placement of his lard. Sits kinda high, doesn’t it? We’re gonna continue to investigate this one, but our instincts tell us that there’s a pillow stuffed in there.

No. 9 Jared Lorenzen

This former Giants backup quarterback loves turkey so much that he can barely fit in this photo.

No. 8 Livan Hernandez

Our terrible cropping job doesn’t do Livan justice here. He’s clearly stretching prior to his daily run… to Dunkin’ Donuts.

No. 7 Bartolo Colon

We feel kinda bad poking fun at Big Bart’s bulging belly, seeing as he went to great lengths to drop a few LBs while in Boston last season. But if you thought we were above making fun, you don’t know The Max. We have fairly low on morals.

No. 6 Miguel Cabrera

Is he eating his way out of baseball, or what?

No. 5 Rich Garces

The photo says it all. And while Miguel Cabrera may be eating his way out of baseball (present tense), Garces has already successfully eaten his way out of the bigs (past tense).

No. 4 Bob Wickman

Unlike the others on this list, Bob Wickman looks like he would take joy in kicking our butts. That’s one mean looking dude, which is why we are holding back any witty comments (here’s your chance to say that we were holding back witty comments on the previous six, as well. Oh, you’re so mean).

No. 3 Bobby Jenks

We’re noticing a pattern here. Why are most of these guys pitchers? Come on, guys. Take a jog in between starts. Or invest in a stationary bike. Even better – get a Bowflex; they really work… just watch their commercials.

No. 2 Prince Fielder

This guy’s as much a vegetarian as WWE is real. Who does he think he’s foolin’? But to be honest, we are a bit surprised to see him make this list. After all, his father is so svelte.

No. 1 John Daly

No surprise here. At least watching his downward spiral has been entertaining.

Tags: Alf, Antonio Alfenseca, Bartolo Colon, Bob Wickman, Bobby Jenks, El Guapo, fat, Gordon Shumway, Jared Lorenzen, John Daly, Livan Hernandez, Miguel Cabrera, Prince Fielder, Rich Garces, Thanksgiving, turkey

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The Lions are actually, seriously, no kidding — No. 1

25 Nov

Even with a disturbing 0-11 record, the Detroit Lions are still the No. 1…

Team that Santa will skip when cruising around distributing presents. The Clauses are big-time bettors, and the Lions have cost them dearly this year. Get ready for a big fat chunk of coal on Dec. 25, Detroit.
Biggest waste of Thanksgiving TV time in the history of pigskin.
Team where most players lie about their job. It’s widely known that around the Motor City the guys on the squad say they are lion tamers, not Lions players.
Owners of the dirtiest uniforms in the game. (Think about it — 11 sets of cleat marks have trampled their jerseys. That’s a lot of Shout.)
Reason the XFL is pushing for a comeback. “They’re just as lousy as we ever was,” cited former XFL star Otis “Hit Squad” Floyd.

What else are the Lions No. 1 at? Leave a comment or Email us: themax_blog@ymail.com

Tags: Barry Bonds, Detroit Lions, Donovan McNabb, football, Motor City, NFL, Santa, Thanksgiving, XFL

Comments 3 Comments
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How much do you like The Max?

25 Nov

The Max is proud to announce that we are currently accepting applications from professional athletes looking to become the face of this blog. Just like Nike did for Tiger Woods, The Max will make one lucky athlete synonymous with a worldwide mega-brand (us).

Unfortunately, however, the tumbling economy has prevented us from throwing the big bucks around. That said, we are only prepared to offer upwards of $50 to the athlete we choose as our official celebrity endorser. The low compensation has scared off the likes of LeBron James and Andy Phillips, but there are still some superstars out there excited to apply for the position. The only question we ask on our application is: How much do you like The Max? Below is what we got back.

Which finalist do you think The Max should choose as its celebrity endorser? Leave us a comment below. We promise to take your opinion into consideration when making this difficult decision

Tags: basketball, Doc Rivers, Donovan McNabb, endorsements, football, Mike D'Antoni, NBA, NFL, Raja Bell, Shaun Hill

Comments 4 Comments
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Notre Dame mocked by their own cheerleaders

23 Nov

Following a disgusting loss to the lowly Syracuse Oranges, Notre Dame’s “football team” became the target of abuse from their own cheerleading squad.

Realizing her team won’t be needing the endzone for anything useful, this cheerleader uses the untouched landscape to practice… just in case.

Using the traditional report-card grading system, the above cheerleader and her manly partner give the Notre Dame football a team a “D”, which is one grade better than what we give them. Ironically, we also screamed that letter on several occasions while watching the game this past weekend.

The sign this cheerleader is holding pretty much speaks for itself… ok, we doctored the photo a little. But you know that’s what she’s thinking.

So the above cheerleaders don’t seem to be making fun of their football team. But it’s a damn nice photo to look at. You’re welcome.

Tags: cheerleaders, college football, football, Notre Dame

Comments 3 Comments
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Griffeys D.C. gig may spark mass migration

21 Nov

We’re happy that�Ken Griffey Jr.�landed a government gig (full story). It’s smart. Everyone knows that the path to riches isn’t through multimillion dollar baseball deals, anyway. It’s through government scandals and ripping off the tax payers. There’s a�ridiculous�amount of cash to be swindled�through the guise of employment through the state, and we applaud Mr. Jr. for recognizing. We just hope he doesn’t pull a hammy entering his office.�

But in all seriousness, this move might begin a revolution. What if others follow? Here are some options for professional athletes who may want to consider jumping ship for another profession:

Jets QB Brett Favre: Should signs a deal with a major motion picture company with his first significant role after “There’s Something About Marry” being the lead in “Father Time and the Touchdown Kid.” It’s the heartwarming story of an old fossil who teaches a young woman her true potential as an NFL rocket arm. Think “Rookie of the Year” meets “Necessary Roughness” meets “Little Giants” meets “My Cousin Vinny.” Oh, yeah, Joe Pesci lands a role, too. “Youse gotsa problem wit dat?” (That was our Pesci impression. Not bad, right?)�

Tennis star Anna Kournikova: Deserves a shot at being the new ball girl for the Yankees. (She’d show the girl in this video up in a minute… well, maybe not. The video is pretty sick and it’s real — we swear.)�

Giants QB Eli Manning: This guy needs to go back to high school as an undercover cop to foil the devious plot of a crew of misfits that copy their homework everyday before home room. Manning’s got the boyish looks to pull it off, and we know he has no problem acting immature (think back to the NFL Draft in ’04).

Bengals WR Chad Ocho Cinco: The name has Spanish tutor written all over it. C’mon, that was a gimme. However, knowing Chad’s antics, he’d probably request to be the French tutor just to be a pain.�

UFC Champ Brock Lesnar: Should go back to his old job as the troll that lives under the Brooklyn Bridge who scares passersby.�

Go any others? Leave a comment or drop us an email:�themax@ymail.com.

�

Tags: Anna Kournikova, Brett Favre, Brock Lesnar, Chad Ocho Cinco, Eli Manning, Jets, Ken Griffey Jr., Little Giants, movies, My Cousin Vinny, Necessary Roughness, New York Giants, NFL, Rookie of the Year

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